Saturday, March 17, 2007

Something is missing but I don't know what it is...

I think I just want someone to have a visible passion for me that is noticable in ways other then an erection.

I want someone to love me. I'm tired of purely physical love that lasts a night and leaves me wanting more and unable to get it. I want to be touched and held but I want the feeling of being wanted to stick with me after the sun rises.

I wanted so badly last night to tell him I love him... but I'm so afraid of the rejection I might face.

I wish it was summer, I wish I had time off, & I wish I could just spend a full week with him. I feel like we're both afraid to completely let the other in, so while we know things about each other we've stopped short of really "knowing" each other.

I want to picnic with him, i want to watch the clouds and the stars. I want to hear his dreams and fears, I want to go to the zoo, I want to catch fireflies. I want to take him places he's never been. I want campfires and marshmallows and Bloody Mary... minus the nerf gun. I want to be children again but I don't want that to mean that we're afraid to be adults.

I hope beyond hope that he'll have time for me once this semester ends [I'm practically counting the days] & that we can become an actual item, rather then whatever the hell we are currently. I hope he hasn't fed me a line that has succeeded in dragging me along, only to fess up in May that hes "just not that into me". I suppose only time will tell.

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