Saturday, June 28, 2008

Why you won't find me in a church with a veil

So, as you may have figured out from the heading, today was my friend's wedding. It seemed to go on without a hitch (but who really knows for sure except the bride) but, like the bachelorette party, it made me all the more aware that:

a) You will not find me in a bar with a sash
b) You will not find me in a church with a veil

Don't get me wrong-- if you have a big family, lots of money, and you come from a religious background, go on and have your church wedding and big reception. I will gladly take advantage of the dinner, OPEN BAR (a key reason why this entry may not make sense!), and believe me, I'll dance all night. But don't be offended when you find out that I flew off to Vegas and I got hitched without you even knowing, let alone being invited.

When I was engaged years ago (the wedding was supposed to take place August 2008.. see our Theknot page here) I remember sitting down with my mother and writing out the invite list. We came up with a total of over 300 people-- and that was just my MOM's family. The truth of the matter was, over 95% of people on that list were people I hadn't spoken to in probably over 15 years. Should I really feel obligated to invite people who, while they may be "family" by birth, have had nothing to do with my upbringing in all that time?

I don't think so. And I definitely am not going to file into some church and pretend I'm religious. (Hell, the first thing I did upon entering the church today was take a picture of a wall-hanging that looked exactly like a vagina. I don't belong in churches!) And furthermore I wouldn't subject my friends to a ceremony of only one faith. A friend said to another friend today, while gesturing at the man sitting in the pew in front of us (at the strict catholic ceremony) "I feel so bad. I forgot that Guy In Front of Us is Jewish." So... what? I'm an Atheist. Do you feel bad about me? Hardly.

Oh and then there's the small issue of money. I don't understand the point of inviting all these people that you "have to" invite to keep up appearances, and then spending 50+ dollars each to feed them and keep them in booze. Renting the big hall, buying the $2,000 dress. Months of dieting, then hair, makeup, nails, tanning... you essentially turn yourself into something you are not now, nor have ever been for your "big day". Now, the photographer I totally understand. I wish I had a personal photographer to follow me around 24/7, and I am completely obsessed with photos of myself, so I'd definitely want any wedding well documented.

And then, with all the planning and obsessing and perfecting, you're forced to fake smiles all day and pose for photos with everyone and their brother (Uncle Todd? Since when did I have an Uncle Todd?!) and you barely get to see or speak to your groom, unless it's for the first dance or cake-cutting. If this is supposed to be "your big day", why are you spending it making other people happy? If it's so special... shouldn't you be spending it, oh, I don't know... with your new husband?

So here's my idea of the ideal:

  • Crazy wild bachelorette party with a couple really close friends. Way too much alcohol, way too much nudity, limos, dancing, singing, gambling... whatever.
  • SUPER small ceremony. I'm thinking Vegas, although alternatively a Justice of The Peace in a VERY pretty location could work.
  • LOTS of photography. I want a beautiful picture of every second. That's the only thing I'm nit-picky about.
  • Immediate Honeymoon, somewhere awesome and expensive. Think of all the money we'd save on the wedding that we could blow on the Honeymoon!
Anyway, that is all neither here nor there, but after being subjected to a day of white-veiled formality, I had to get it out somewhere or I would have exploded. (And lord knows I probably shouldn't be prattling on to the boyfriend about my "ideal wedding"... just not appropriate at all at this point.)

All for now :)

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