Thursday, October 2, 2008

My adventures with "Dirty Ebay"

Did you all know that there actually exists an "adult" version of our beloved eBay?

I hadn't known until a year or two ago, when I somehow stumbled on it completely by accident. There were tons of auctions, so I searched around for a little while looking for anything unusual that my local porn store might not have carried. And I found it.

"It" was made of cheap plastic, colored either pink, blue or white, and called simply "The clit-sucker". I couldn't understand why my porn store wouldn't stock anything like this (we all know vibrators with tongues SOUND like a good idea but come up short.) and I jumped at the chance to order one. It was fairly cheap, about $10. I paid immediately and waited for it to arrive.

This first one I received was broken, but after I informed the eBayer, he sent out a new one that reached me the next day. I thought it was odd that these packages had no cardboard insert (you know, the one with the half naked women on it that *usually* accompany any sex toy?) but I figured maybe he didn't want to get sued for reselling some other companies product... or, something.

Okay, no, I didn't really give it that much thought. I was presented with a piece of plastic that I was told was going to suck my clit. I wasn't exactly thinking clearly.

I rushed to try it out, but wound up pretty dissapointed. There was a definite suction, that I have to admit was scary to watch at first-- but beyond that, it didn't really feel all that great. It was cast into my Sex Bag, where it stayed, lonely, for years.


About 6 months ago, I was investigating a local dollar store with my boyfriend, and found myself in the "Health and Beauty" aisle. I browsed rows of store-brand soaps, cotton swabs, and the like... until I found it.

IT being-- my clit sucker.

I was immediately mortified at having been had-- my "clit-sucker" was actually a mass produced PORE CLEANSER, that some fairly smart person had bought (for a dollar each, no less!), removed the insert from, and resold for a rather substantial profit.

I showed my boyfriend and asked if it looked familar to him. He said yes, but he thought I had known what it was all along and simply had chosen to use it for.... alternative uses.

I wish I had that kind of foresight!

(photo yoinked from

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