Saturday, October 4, 2008

Sad.

An old friend of mine is dying.

I haven't seen him in months-- he was part of an old group of friends who mostly stabbed me in the back a long time ago. He wasn't at fault, but he was very close with many of the offending parties. In the long run, it was easier for me to cut ties then to deal with the bullshit.

He'd always been sick, and we all knew that. We visited him in the hospital often and tried to stay optimistic.

I last ran into him at a late night showing of Labyrinth. I was dressed as David Bowie. He was wheeling around an oxygen tank.

(He's 26 years old, by the way.)

Now he's on a feeding tube, bedridden, pumped full of pain meds, and the Doctors are saying it's 'just a matter of time'.

I don't know what to do. I had tried to reach out to him in the past... he had a standing invitation to karaoke but he never showed up for it. I sent him emails trying to catch up (we used to have Zombie Movie Nights at his house... I mentioned missing them & wanting to get together for them again ). He never responded.

I don't know if it was because he didn't want to, or maybe he was just too sick to. Or maybe he was embarrassed about being sick?

I have been crying on and off about this all day. Just because we knew this was coming didn't make things any easier. I don't know what I should do. I want to visit him, but at the same time I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I don't know if he was ignoring me on purpose, or even if he's coherent.

I'm so sad that everything had to work out this way.

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