Tuesday, August 26, 2008

First day jitters...

I start my first semester at a new college tomorrow.

To follow my entire college career (which has been on and off from 2002 to present) this makes three colleges I've been to, four majors I've attempted to get degrees on, about 13 classes I've begun, three that I've withdrawn from, and one that I 'failed'. (I only failed in the eyes of my current college, which won't accept transfer credits if you get anything less then a C. I scooted by the eyes of the Botany Gods with a D, which was still passing at the time.)

This time, I've got a major that I refuse to budge from-- Broadcasting and Communications.

I also have FULL student aid being provided to me by the college. Apparently, it really pays off to hit age 24 and move out. Suddenly they look at my finances the same way I do and likely think, 'shit, how's she going to pull this off? Quick, give her some money!'. This is amazing and fantastic and a whole slew of other positive words.

And, against the wishes of my mother, I'm taking a full time course load. She thinks I won't be able to handle it, especially since I've only taken 2 classes at a time for the past few semesters, and I'll still be working full-time. I think I'm appropriately motivated to the task, and I feel like I need to strike while the iron is hot.

HOWEVER.

I am so freaking NERVOUS it's insane. I spent my entire evening today making ridiculous preparations (exfoliation, manicure, pedicure, eyebrow wax, facial peel...!) like I'm getting ready for some party where everyone will be judging me based on appearance. Because isn't that what college IS?

I'm not sure why I'm going to such lengths. In the previous years, I would chalk it all up to, essentially, being on the prowl. Sure... I was going to school to learn-- but if that hot guy who sat in front of me ended up liking me, wouldn't that be a bonus?

This year I'm not sure what it is.

It's possible I'm looking for new friends, I guess, but even if I were to find them, I wouldn't know what to do with them, seeing as I'm broke as anything at this point and lack the ability to even purchase a drink if we were to go to a bar.

[edit: 8/29/08]

It's largely pointless, anyway. It seems I can divide community college kids into three categories:

  1. The kids right out of high school. These are easy to spot, usually because they're extremely young and have brand new clothes (since mommy and daddy took them back to school shopping).
  2. The continuing education students (essentially, the "old people"). They are also easy to spot, as they generally never stop talking. They talk to you even if you aren't looking at them, they talk to the teacher as if they've been friends for years, and when all else fails, they talk to themselves.
  3. The others. The others generally detest being in school, and it's visible by their body language. They don't speak if at all possible, and seem to have no personality.

I'm not sure exactly what category I fit into. I'm likely somewhere between "the others" and "continuing ed" students.

Hopefully I'll meet someone interesting.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Disturb my peace. Please.

I live on a fairly main road, wedged nosily between railroad tracks and a catholic church that enjoys nothing better then ringing its bells for a good solid 2 minutes every Sunday morning.

During the summer months, the tinkling bells of an ice cream truck have also joined in on the fun.

Jay complains, most specifically about the church bells that show no intention of stopping as they interrupt his sleep on a weekly basis.

I don't mind. The first echoing bell will sometimes jar me from my sleep, but it never lasts long. I can sleep through anything, and quite frequently do.

For as long as I can remember, I've come to hate Sundays. I used to go to the movies by myself every Sunday after work, as I could never find anything else to do, and sitting alone at home became depressing.

Add my financial state to the mix, and Sundays become even more dull. It's a beautiful day outside, and I itch for a roadtrip, a bike ride... I'd even accept being cooped up indoors at a museum or something of the like. Alas I can afford none of the above.

This is my last weekend before school starts. My last free weekend without homework and commitments.

I'd have liked it to be more special then this.

(Even as I type these words I am struck with the thought, 'I am REALLY sick of feeling sorry for myself all the time'. But I just can't seem to feel any other way.)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sometimes you just have to drive a little further down the road...

So, obviously I've been bummed lately. Things haven't quite been going my way, money is tight, yatta yatta.

Today I was out running errands with Jay, and we got bored and decided to explore a little. We drove around looking for cute little shops to stop in. We live in the middle of nowhere, so we didn't have very much luck. We were just about to head home when instead we decided to turn around and venture farther down Route 75 then we usually travel.

A mile or so down the road, we pulled into a little plaza that looked pretty boring. There was a tattoo and piercing parlor there, however, and I needed a new nose ring as my old one had somehow lost its gemstone. We got out of the car and went inside.

The guy who worked there was very helpful. He sold me a new nose ring and put it in for me, free of charge (usually there's a 5 dollar insertion fee). While he was doing this, Jay joked with the man, saying that he had no money, but how would they like to tattoo their stores logo on his back? He'd advertise for them free of charge.

As it turns out-- they have a guy working there currently who is building his portfolio, and currently not charging for tattoos! Apparently he does very good work, too.

So... Jay and I are getting free tattoos within the next week or so!

I'm incredibly excited about this and am frantically trying to decide what work I would like done.

This proves to me-- when things are going shitty, sometimes you just need to drive a little further down the road! :)

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Why are you where you are? Is it where you belong?

I'm having another one of those little moments today. The kind where I look at my social circle as a "map" of sorts, and lament my location.

My best friends-- by location.

Boston- Seeing as I'm originally from there, Boston has the highest concentration of best friends, and really good friends, by square mile. For the sake of argument, I will count the ones I am most likely visiting while I am in town-- LaVonna, Matt, and Danielle. Matt moved there for college, LaVonna moved there after college for work, and Danielle lives with her father there.

Florida- I'm originally from here, too... but the best friend who lives there only moved there about 2 years ago. Katie, who I miss so much it hurts. She teaches second grade and never plans on coming back, no matter how much I plead with her.

North Adams, MA- 1. Mary. She moved there for her senior year of college and ended up staying.

London, UK- 1. Lauren. She also moved there for college and ended up staying.



Which leaves me in Connecticut with an overwhelming (sarcasm) social circle that consists of 1. Boyfriend and 2. girls I work with. And while Girls I Work With can be great for a monthly dinner and movie, or maybe even a roadtrip or birthday party, most of the time we get together, all we do is Talk About Work. And really, isn't it bad enough that we all have to Be At Work?

As far as I see it, I am only currently living here until I am capable of getting my degree and getting a real job. In which case-- where am I going? Do I head in the directions of the friendships I've already established, or do I really just take a deep breath and set off on my own, wherever success seems to call me?

It seems, in the cases of all of my friends, that schooling has led them all to their current locations, and work has kept them there.

Why are YOU where you are? Are you happy there, or do you plan on going somewhere else?



(Bonus question: Do they have lifeguards on duty at Olympic swimming events?)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Starving?

I wonder if you stopped one of those poor starving children you see on television (you know the ones I'm talking about!), and asked them to explain the sensation of starving, what they would say?

I'm not eating enough lately. I'm by no means starving, but it's still quite an unpleasant sensation. This is a mixture of being sick (yes, I'm sick AGAIN, which has left me with mostly no appetite for the past few days) and being broke. We haven't had enough money to actually go food shopping in probably... well, at least three months now. Every month or so I'll buy a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread, but other then that we're getting by solely on what a friend of mine is able to share with me when her family goes to a food shelter.

I'm sure there are people out there like me who quite often find themselves getting nauseous when they're hungry. I'm desperately trying to fix this nausea with a limited cupboard. I have attacked it so far with a banana and an entire can of peas. To no avail.

I really, really just want a pitcher of Diet Coke and like three large pizzas.