Sunday, November 30, 2008

Hmm.

I really want to go to the store and get some Mister Bubble.
My upper back in the general area of my shoulders has been hurting today, and I need to take a hot bath to relax my muscles but... I don't have any bath bombs. I feel remarkably silly that this is delaying me from a therapeutic bath, but I feel even sillier asking my boyfriend for a few dollars so I can buy Mister Bubble. I dislike borrowing money at all, and I feel that bubble bath is on the ridiculously frivolous side, which makes it even worse.

I know a good credit score is important and all, but, sheesh. I paid all my bills that were due on or immediately around December 1st, and it left me with 8 dollars to my name until next Friday. My next paycheck gets signed (in its entirety, I believe) over to my landlord.

Making ends meet sure isn't easy.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Moving forward...

Thanksgiving was pretty good here... Jay and I went to my parents. My insane but adorable mother has apparently recently become addicted to Food Network, and our Thanksgiving feast was proof of that. Normally, she'll stick to the basics-- turkey, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce... but this year included about 10 different varieties of stuffing (including "pizza stuffing", which was pepperoni, onions and mozzarella cheese, and "stuffin muffins" which were made in muffin pans), 5 different kinds of sweet potatoes and 5 different kinds of squash. It was sort of a Thanksgiving sampler... we were instructed to try each one and report back about which were our favorites.

We took home lots of leftovers, which have already quickly dwindled.

I spent most of Black Friday (which felt like a Sunday-- my body was definitely angry!) at work. Luckily the sales at retail pharmacies aren't worth getting there at 9 PM the day before and trampling someone for, so things were relatively slow.

I left at five when my darling LaVonna showed up (definite best part of Thanksgiving--friends you usually wouldn't get to see are in town!) and then her, Jay and I braved Wal-Mart to see about getting me a sewing machine. I had done my homework (did you know there are website that show you stores Black Friday flyers way before the actual shopping date? It was a lifesaver) and walked out of Wal-Mart about $70 poorer, but holding (...okay, it was heavy... Jay was holding it) a shiny new sewing machine and grinning from ear to ear.

I've already sewn two new bags (a recycled t-shirt bag from one of my favorite old shirts, and a cute little clutch purse), I just need to pick up some finishing touches (buttons and a strap) and they'll be ready to sell! I hope someone will give my tshirt bag a good home, we've had good times together. It will be hard to part with!

Tonight I'm heading out for a friends birthday dinner, and then Danielle is coming up from Boston...

I wish weekends were longer!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Personal vs. Private

I have a severe problem keeping personal things private. It's in my nature to share pretty much everything, no matter how dark or sad or embarrassing. If it's difficult for me to say outloud, I write about it.

It's sometimes hard to respect others boundaries when things involve me. I blabbed about my first lesbian/threesome experience over dinner with friends, never thinking 'hey, maybe that should be kept private...' For some reason my mind just doesn't work like that. I have no privacy filter.

The most I can say right now, I suppose, is that I'm very confused. I want to write about this just to get it off my chest, but I don't want those who know me asking me, "So what was that latest blog about?", or speculating behind my back.

What's important is that I'm okay, but I'm still just... confused. I wish it wasn't hard for people to be honest with me, out of fear of hurting my feelings-- but I also don't want my feelings constantly hurt. I say I can take the truth, but who really knows how much they can handle until it's thrust upon them?

This has been another episode of cryptic moments with Alison.

Please join us next time.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Today's thoughts.

1. Jesus, those cars parked on either side of my parking space get closer and closer to me every day. I swear, there's a video camera mounted somewhere & viewers getting a kick of me squeezing my size 14 ass out of a car door that's only open 2 inches.

2. Big Macs. 3 pieces of bread? What the hell for? For additional pondering, see club sandwiches.

3. No matter WHAT computer I chose to sit at in the college computer lab, there is never a printer hooked up to it. No one else in my class seems to have EVER had this problem. At first, I thought I was becoming computer illiterate in my old age-- but today I realized that every computer I sit at is for some reason REALLY 'missing' a printer. So it's not me. (This time.)

4. I sent my boyfriend a cute email today from said computer lab, even though I live with him and I know he only checks his email about once every six months. It'll be a nice surprise when he finally goes to look, right? (He's probably going to read this before he checks his mail, so the secret is out. )

5. I NEED to find a Geocache before the ground freezes. I meant to do it all Summer, now that I finally have a GPS, but I keep putting it off!

6. If there is a mirror in it and I'm having a good hair/makeup day, I cannot keep my eyes off myself. Hurray, narcissism.

7. I've always said, "I'm a raging bitch in my head". Lately some of my bitchiness is leaking out of my mouth. Oops.

I suppose that's all for now!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Is anyone elses life like this?

I have nothing against people who are religious. I have nothing against people who are political.

That said, I DO have something against people who insist that their beliefs and opinions are the only viable option. Converters, if you will.

But my neighbor is currently out in the hallway directly outside my door, talking in a very loud tone to a young girl who seems entirely disinterested (I've only heard her say 3 words in the past half hour), in a very converting sort of way, about his religion and politics.

I really, really just want to go into the hallway and ask him... no, TELL him, to lead his sermons in his apartment, not the hallway.

...except I crashed my car into his living room a few months ago and he was nice enough NOT to sue me, and I don't really want to piss him off.


I miss being the ballsy chick who didn't care about repercussions.


EDIT: He was still there two hours later. So I put in a porno and turned it up pretty loud (not that you have to in this apartment, you can hear everything!). Worked like a charm ;) He was back in his apartment in under 5 minutes.

Friday, November 21, 2008

addiction.

she desperately searches the ashtray for a half-finished cigarette
but they're all smoked down to nubs and offer her not even a puff

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Disgusting, or good?

Tonight I came home and decided to try to be creative with the contents of my fridge.

I mixed together a block of frozen spinach, a whole avocado, some diced onion, and ranch dressing.

I was going for a kind of healthy spinach and avocado dip... it's interesting, but the proportions are all wrong. There's way too much spinach and not enough avocado, and the avocado that IS in there isn't anywhere near ripe enough... it's just kind of chunking rather then mushing and mixing around.

I'm also not sure I'd go with ranch dressing next time. I was shooting for a soy-ish base, but didn't really have much else to experiment with. Maybe sour cream next time?

Eh. I'm not being on cooking... or spinach, apparently.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be eating avocado and onions on crackers. Be warned not to make out with me.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Bugger.

I somehow managed to spend my entire paycheck already (honestly, all I did was buy snack food at work, soap & deodorant, McDonald's, and rented two movies) so now I'm stuck inside all weekend long.


This kinda sucks as I wanted to venture out and find a new craft store, maybe buy some new supplies and start some new project.

Alas, I under house arrest.

I intend to make the most of this situation with never-ending cups of tea, a bath, Nag Champa incense, some music, and painting.


Ps: Jay & I went to a free comedy show last night at my college and it was fantastic. Why don't more amazing free things happen around here? I would love to have more like that to do. I'd give my left tit for an Open Mic Night or even some free live music.

EDIT: As it turns out, on 11-17 there WAS an Open Mic night at my school. Unfortunately I was stuck in class throughout the entire thing. Boo, world.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Yay, day off.

My theater teacher gave us the day off today (sort of... he expected us to meet up outside of class even though he wasn't going to be around... um, sorry. No.) and instead of spending it going over my final scene (which I will have to perform by the end of this semester and have nowhere near memorized), I spent the night finishing up my Etsy.com shop.


Weee.

So, check it out!

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5082406

It's not pretty or sparkly, but I'm new at this. Hopefully there will be enough interest in my items to keep me properly motivated.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Word association

When I was a little kid, I used to be completely terrified of fat people who mentioned that they felt nauseous.

I don't know where this originated, but I seem to remember it having something to do with the term "fat cow". It stood to reason if cows had six stomachs, "fat cows" must have six stomachs as well.

And WHO wants to be anywhere near 6 times the normal amount of vomit?


Now, personally, I'm not exactly skinny. I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a "fat cow", but what if I look like a fat cow to some random five year old?


Should I be more careful about verbalizing when I feel nauseous?

Are there kids out there who have looked at me and thought, "Good Lord, I hope that lady doesn't puke on me!"

(I never said that I had normal, rational thought patterns...)

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Down with up...

I've had a very down day today.

To think about it, actually, it's been a very down couple of weeks.

Today hit danger levels, though. It's very frustrating to be an in-debt 24 year old, living on a VERY minimum income, working ones ass off and going to school as well. There's never any time for anything, and if one was to find time, there would never been any money.

I said this more succinctly earlier: I feel like I am doing the wrong things in life, living in the wrong place, and surrounding myself with the wrong people.

Unfortunately I also feel very helpless about how to change all this. I've never been good at making friends, speaking my mind, or making important decisions.

My mother, on one hand, has subscribed to a certain way of thinking. All of her life she has told me, "Bloom where you are planted." This mentality is evident in her life, although she is in denial as to the (negative) situation she's in. She has taken the scenario that she has been dealt and simply learned to deal with it.

I can't be that way.

It's ridiculous to take your short time on life and use it to mold yourself into a predetermined situation that you might not enjoy.

She wouldn't understand this-- she'd call it the wanderlust, blame my father for instilling it in me.

I can't just keep on living an unsatisfactory life. Something must be done, but I'm not sure what.

Things are not the same here as they were even a month ago. They're much darker. Something in me has changed.

Really, I'm not even sure how to explain this to anyone.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Back to the grind...

I'm home from D.C (and more then a little exhausted) but it was a fun trip and definitely worth it. I bonded a bit with some of my classmates and teachers, too, (read: went out drinking with teachers!) and as a result just feel better about the school in general. I'm feeling a little less judged in class and a little more outgoing. A pretty positive thing.

I spent WAY too much money in Sephora (we don't have any here! I had to!), way too LITTLE money on food (I packed enough food that I had some left over, but I did stop for lunch on the way back to CT) and way too much time in the Holocaust museum (It's four floors-- I spent the ENTIRE allotted 5 hours there.)

We did a nighttime trip to all the major monuments (pictures forthcoming), but unfortunately I didn't get to eat at the Java Green Cafe or visit The Smithsonian wing that I wanted to (it was closed for renovations, because the world is decidedly against me). So, I'll have to go back sometime.


Oh, and I also managed to get rid of a clingy crazy granny who was in our hotel room. But that's a story for a different day...

But I leave you with a question of ethics and morals: Is it wrong to stretch out in a hotel bed and leave a crazy 80 year old to sleep in a hotel room chair?

...because it sure didn't feel wrong.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Still here...

Evil butt-turkey has not wreaked havoc on me or my digestive system, thank god.

Had an interesting but low-key Halloween. Played my first RPG game. I think this marks the first year I've worn two different costumes in the same day. (Neither of them were that special. In one of them, I found out later, you could see my underwear COMPLETELY.)

I've got to pack and stay up all night now, in preparation for my D.C trip. I figure I'll just do my sleeping on the 8 hour bus ride. Yeechh.