Saturday, January 17, 2009

Lonely but not alone.

There are friendships, and then there are friendships.

Though they both appear the same on paper, one of those is a much more general term, and I have lots of the "general" sort of friends. There's nothing against them, and I don't want anyone to feel slighted over being grouped in the general category, because I still value such friendships and enjoy the time spent with these people.

But when it comes to the type of friends who can understand what the other is thinking simply based on the look one gave, the ones who laugh so hard at another's stories in a restaurant they almost get kicked out, and the ones who can tell you straight up that you're being a bitch or that YES, that outfit makes your ass look HUGE, and you don't get offended because you know their words are coming from the right place?

I'm severely lacking.

I almost burst into tears when I quoted "I'd like the right side of the menu stuffed with the left side of the menu" (a trademark LaVonna-ism) at Friendly's the other night. Sometimes it hits me all at once how much of my friends lives I'm missing out on-- I haven't seen Katie or Lauren in over a year now, and we've never even met each others significant others, or seen each others new apartments.

I feel heartbroken when I really think about it. I can never have all of these girls in my life at the same time ever again. I could move to Florida to be closer to Katie, or to Boston to be closer to LaVonna, or to London to be closer to Lauren... but I could never, as the saying goes, have my cake and eat it, too.

I don't know what to do about this. This seems to be one of those inevitable things that just happens as you grow up. But why should the people I hold closest to my heart be the ones the farthest away? This is a fact of life I am fighting against. I do not want to simply accept this.

This wouldn't be so difficult for me if I were rich and fabulous and could simply jetset to Florida, London or Boston for a visit whenever I saw fit. But as it is I am barely getting by, and have to make do.

Thank goodness for the internet, however. It keeps me marginally up to date at the very least.


Anonymous said...

I miss you. I so wish you were here right now. We're planning the bacholerette party and the wedding and it feels weird that you arent here. Come to London. April is so far away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you :-( -L

Red Maple&Yellow Crane said...

"But why should the people I hold closest to my heart be the ones the farthest away?"-Same here. But what can we do?