Sunday, May 10, 2009

Death and reflection

My uncle died on Wednesday morning. I've spent the last two days at the wake, funeral and burial with my mother, stepfather, and extended family.

I didn't cry. I am hands down one of the most emotional people in the world, yet I didn't cry.

To me, what was really saddest about this event is that our family never sees each other. Only for weddings and funerals. I have very few memories about my uncle, and it shouldn't be that way. My cousin is only slightly older then me, yet we've never hung out or confided one damn thing in each other.

They're my "family", yet I just don't know them at all.

And that is what is the saddest part about this.

I feel sometimes like I should make an effort to change this, but at the same time, most of my family has money and some are very refined. I'm the black sheep trying to herd everyone together, and I fear that the more they learn about me (she smokes?! she has tattoos?! she doesn't believe in organized religion?! she voted for OBAMA?!) the blacker of a sheep I become.

Sometimes I wish I was effortlessly social.

1 comment:

the Music of the Night said...

wouldn't it be better that you at least try to get to know them instead of meet them again in their casket? They may not like everything about you, but it is worth a shot!