Wednesday, September 23, 2009

WANT.

Why does it seem that when I'm at my worst financially, yet working my hardest, that I can't turn off that part of me that... desires EVERYTHING?

I'll go for a very long time without buying myself anything... and then somehow my mind goes, "You DESERVE stuff! Look at how good you have been! Look how hard you have been working! You aced that test/worked an extra shift/had a bad day. You need to spoil yourself a little."

That inner voice can be VERY hard to ignore.

Granted, I am downsizing. An entire summer full of selling my belongings at tag sales has seen to this. My wants are all about minimizing, improving upon something I already have, or making my health better.

  • Bento box. (I ordered the cheapest one I could find on ebay. I decided that it would be easier for me to eat more healthy if I plan out my meals and pre-package them. And for some reason, my apartment has a Tupperware Monster (much like a Sock Monster that lives in a dryer.) so I'm hoping my Bento will be safe from harm.
  • This umbrella. Face it, it's adorable. And it folds up small. AND, I don't have an umbrella currently. (I drank my weight of vodka about a month ago and left my umbrella behind as I was carried out of a party)
  • This dress. I need a dress for my cousin's upcoming wedding... and this one would definitely become my new wear-all-the-time dress afterwards. I would throw out 4 dresses just to have this dress! I've been watching it on ebay for about 6 months now. I WILL own it some day.
  • This necklace. So, this really doesn't count as downsizing, and it's not functional... but it's something I've envisioned for a long time, and I really, really want it. It would also quickly become a wear-all-the-time item.
  • This blanket. I love Kim Casali and the entire "Love Is..." series. And yes, the last thing I
    "need" is another blanket... but I'd like to roll this one up and keep it in my suitcase. It would roll up very small, and double (and triple) as a towel and beach blanket.
  • A blackberry. It sounds silly to some people, but I really NEED mobile web and email. I'm waiting til I get a better job, though, seeing as the data charges are sure to kill me.
  • A Kindle. They're actually remarkably affordable, considering you can get free books from Amazon. I bought a CD with 95 classic books on it, and hopefully I can save the money to get a Kindle eventually. This will be VERY helpful when it comes to downsizing, seeing as I can get rid of almost ALL of my books, and all of my bookcases. The only ones I plan on keeping are my first-edition Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut, and 2 books that were written (and autographed) by friends of mine.
  • A haircut. (Okay. This has nothing to do with downsizing and everything to do with my own vanity.)
  • A photobook. I made one last year when a friend and I went to NYC... but now I want to make one that includes all of my essential, favorite photographs-- including very old family photos. The idea is, if my other photos are in storage somewhere and they get wrecked, I will still have my favorite photos in a neatly bound little book, so I won't have to mourn too much. This project requires a scanner, which I don't have.
  • Really GREAT underwear. When I first got my Victoria's Secret charge card 3 (or so...?) years ago, my plan was to use the coupons they mailed out every month to buy one killer bra & panty set. Then, by the end of the year, I'd have an awesome underwear-drobe. But, the problem is... most of Victoria's Secret's stuff is NOT HOT. So I'm left with some pretty gnarly (and now, 3 year old!) unmentionables. Unfortunately, I don't know where to buy some really hot underthings. This requires some research.

Did I ever explain my desire to be able to live comfortably out of just one suitcase?

Actually, I don't think I really *can* explain it just yet, because I don't understand it quite myself. But there is a great "escapist" aspect of my personality, which makes me want to run away, or at the very least BE ABLE to run, at a moments notice. I feel like living out of a suitcase, while of course being quite strange, will offer me some comfort and consistency.

I'm strange, I know.

And broke. So these things will evade me for some time.

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