Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Old conversations.

I've been going through my old livejournal lately, out of boredom I guess.

I used to use my livejournal for everything. I'd privatize links and notes to myself, and I updated like crazy... sometimes up to 10 times a day.

I'd save old conversations sometimes, if they made me laugh or made me think... and I've found quite a few between an old flame and myself. To be honest, it's amusing and painful at the same time. I miss the way he made me feel.

I went for a long time without thinking about him, but all of a sudden he won't leave my mind. Sometimes I want to contact him and demand some answers... ask him what he was thinking, that year he spent with me, unconfined by an official "title". Ask him if I ever meant anything to him... because he sure as hell meant a lot to me. I was terrified to admit it at the time, but I loved him.

He got back with his ex a mere 6 days after he spent the night in my bed. After telling me that he didn't believe in relationships at this stage of his life. After crying as he 'dumped' me.

I will never understand it. I mean... "he's just not that into you" makes sense... but what I felt between us was intense. I can't imagine he just... didn't feel it.

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