Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Crystal ball, where are you?

If i could have anything in the world, I'd definitely choose a crystal ball.

One that would specifically let me know if I was wasting my time.

It seems very foolish to me, that I always think things are okay in my relationship. And then all of a sudden, he's silent for an entire car ride (even after I'm trying to engage him in conversation), followed by a snide remark once we get to the grocery store, like we're suddenly fighting about something.

Only, we weren't. Nothing happened to fight over. He's suddenly making it abundantly clear that he's angry at me, but for no reason.

And yes, people are allowed to be in a bad mood for whatever reason. So we suffer through the agonizing grocery store trip, both being pissed off at each other for no good reason. We go home and have some dinner, watch a movie... and after a few hours, I forget.

I lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek.

He doesn't smile, he doesn't give me one back. Instead he snarls, "You aren't mad at me?"

I tell him I wasn't mad at him, that he was just "being a jerk for no reason, and I didn't know why."

And now it's on. He's drudging up his old stand-by argument of 'You only keep me around to amuse you. You don't like me when I'm serious.' which is ridiculous. As far as I'm concerned, I see two Jay's... happy Jay, and depressed Jay. Of COURSE I like the happy one better.

I cannot recall a single conversation in which I chastised him for being serious. I WILL, however, lighten the mood if he's being overly cynical. But there are many, many times where I wish he would be serious, and the fact that he's goofy is of great irritation to me.

And then he says, "You're going to do what you always do, now. I'm trying to talk to you, and you're going to shut down and ignore me, and then tomorrow you're going to act as if this never happened."

I shut my laptop, picked up my Kindle and cell phone and said, "Yep." as I left the room.

If "serious" Jay has nothing better to do then bitch at me, he's right. I don't like him.

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