I'll admit, in addition to being pissed (like my two most recent blog posts have pointed out) I've also been depressed lately.
Things are not looking good when it comes to me getting to NYC. I still have to save about $1,200 for admission and dorm fees, and I never have anything left over from my paychecks. Not to mention, my credit still sucks and without it, it is impossible for me to get student loans. And I need them. This school is expensive.
We have an art show this weekend, and to prepare I've been going through old photos on my flickr account. I came across some of my ex-fiance, and for reasons I can't quite figure out, they really upset me.
I thought I had my life in order back then. Sure, I was young--but I had found the man I was going to marry, and I was happy. I didn't need much else. I knew exactly how my life would work out.
But, as it turns out, you can't plan things.
And as much as I feel "in love with" New York City, I know that financially it may not happen. It hurts to admit it and to write it, and for a short time my brain was set on "NYC or suicide", which I know is ridiculous.
I had to find another option, just in case this doesn't work out. Something cheaper, but still good.
I've found two. A university near me offers degrees in puppeteering. While I've never even tried this (yet), I know it would be an important step when it comes to working in children's television. Auditions for the program are in December, and it's very competitive (I believe they said only 10-20 students are allowed in every year) but I figured I'll give it a shot. It's bound to be loads cheaper, and the commute would be easy.
There's also a low-residency program (which means you attend classes on campus for a two week period and then you do the rest of your work from home!) at Goddard College in Vermont. The course is creative writing, and I sent out for information yesterday. It, also, is loads cheaper.
I'll apply for those and see what happens when it comes to financial aid. Maybe I can get a really cheap ride. Although I really, REALLY want to go to NYC (and even have already become facebook friends with about 10 kids in my graduating class!) I might just have to admit that it's not possible.
I'll still continue to do what I can to save. If I can get to NYC, it will be a huge accomplishment. If I get into the other colleges, I will not be as satisfied.
But, as I said, you can't exactly plan things.