Well, I am going to begin by telling you what I don't want to hear.
I don't want to hear that you are sorry. That it will get easier, that things will get better, that I'm better off. I don't want to hear that there are more fish in the sea, that you did or did not see this one coming. I don't want to hear any of that. Not really.
Jay and I broke up today after three years. It was kind of my doing, but it's still so fresh that I'm not sure that I want it.
I'm also not sure that I don't want it.
I'm all kinds of confused, but I do know that we have entirely different personalities, interests and life agendas. We tried for a long time, but in the long run we weren't very good for each other. We tried to make the other happy but it only resulted in everyone being miserable. And no matter how each person would explain 'this is all it takes to keep me happy', the other person just couldn't get it. Neither of us could.
I do believe that love is hard work, and relationships can be tricky. But when you're really unhappy and every time you try to see the "silver lining", a big old hole gets punched right through it...well, something has to be done.
I think we're okay. There's no hurt feelings it seems, and we somehow managed to do this entire thing without either one of us screaming or crying. A first.
I'm not sure what happens now. We're going to stay living together for the time being, as it's the best thing financially, and since we've been existing as friends/roommates for some time now. It shouldn't be such a big change.
This is not what I meant to happen when I came home. In a way, it's a relief, but in a way I also feel like I made a mistake. It's hard to just walk away from someone after three years.
Only time will tell, I guess.