Saturday, February 26, 2011

Not my ideal Saturday.

I've missed quite a bit of work lately, so I was forced to go in to work today, a Saturday, to make up some of my missed hours, in an effort to save as much of my vacation time as I could.  A pain in the ass, but no real biggie.  I planned on making up as much time as possible, until the cabin fever set in and I had to get out.

I worked five hours and decided that was more than sufficient for a Saturday.  I was hungry and wanted to get home for my daily dose of 30 Rock reruns on Netflix Instant.  So I clocked out and made the trek to my car.

I park in a muddy lot a few minutes from my office because it's the cheapest option.  On weekends, hardly anyone parks there.  Today was no exception.  As I neared the lot, it was obvious I was the only car in the lot.  I was glad it was still light out.  I walked a little faster.  And then...I saw it.

It being a pesky downed wire that stretched ALL THE WAY across the only entrance and exit to my parking lot.

The sun was setting fast and it was getting colder already.  I called 911 and told them about the wire, but the dispatcher was less than helpful because I could tell her the road I was on and the name of the parking lot, but I couldn't provide her with an exact street address.  "Tell me a cross street."  She said.  There weren't any.  "Tell me the number of the nearest building."  I looked up and down the road.  It would take me 15 minutes, at least, to walk to the nearest building.  I was a bit stranded.  "We'll try to find you."  She said finally and hung up, annoyed.

She wasn't the one freezing her ass off.  The temperature had read 40 degrees when I drove past this morning, but the fact that my fingers were turning bright red tipped me off to the fact it was no longer even close to that warm.

I stood there helplessly for a while in the cold, watching the sun set.  Some people walked by me and headed towards the parking lot.  "Be careful,"  I told them, indicating the wire.  "There's a downed wire.  I don't know if it's live."

They smiled and stepped right over it, not even hesitating for a moment.  It was only when I realized that they were heading under the bridge, and after watching the female collapse in the snow and lay there for a while, that I realized they were probably high and hadn't even understood what I was saying.

I figured if a crackhead could step over the wire and be okay, maybe I could, too.  But I wasn't wearing sneakers (rubber keeps you grounded, right?) and I had my cell phone in one hand and my keys in the other.  I held my breath and stepped over.

I found myself on the other side of the wire, still alive.  Awesome.

I got into my car and cranked up the heat.  A Prairie Home Companion was coming on the radio, which was good news, but I was starving.  Bad news.  I still couldn't get out of the parking lot, mainly because I still wasn't sure if the wire was live, or if my car was "grounded" because of it's tires.  Not to mention, the wire wasn't touching the ground, just hanging slightly above it.  What if I tried to go over it and got stuck somehow?  Wrecked my car?  My Worst-Case-Scenario mind was running on all cylinders.

After an hour, the police finally found me based on my craptastic directions.  But they didn't dare cross the wires to come talk to me, and I didn't want to get out of my car.  So I sat there and watched them stand around and chat for what seemed for far too long.  Soooo hungry.  NPR wasn't succeeding in taking my mind off of my stomach.  I was getting angry, too.  This was not how I wanted to spend my Saturday! And I was burning all of my gasoline just trying to keep warm.

Finally, a big, helpful-looking yellow truck showed up.  Now thing were finally going to start happening.  A man stepped out, suited up in big gloves and snipped some wires apart so that he could safely move the pole and the wire out of my path  I was free!  I thanked them both and was on my way.

I am hoping for a nice, calm, productive Sunday to make up for the pain-in-my-ass Saturday!

EDIT:  Seriously though.  I can get a GPS on my phone, I can pay for Starbucks with my phone--why can't 911 triangulate my location?  It's the year 2011.  Come on now.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

10 things.

To help combat my fragile emotional state, my best friend Lauren gave me a homework assignment: find ten things that make me happy and do at least one of them every day.

Being broke, it's easier said than done.  Most things that make me happy require at least a small amount of money (Caramel Macchiatos, creative writing magazines, a really awesome new outfit, sushi, tattoos) and considering I currently have none until my next paycheck (getting paid bi-weekly sucks), I've had to get creative.

1. Watching 30 Rock.  I can say with no shame that 30 Rock is my favorite show ever and that I am, in fact, Liz Lemon.  Only slightly younger and less successful and WAY more of a crybaby when things really fall to shit.  And I love, love, love that I can watch seasons 1-4 on Netflix.  I watch the same episodes over and over again and they're still funny every single time.

2. Cuddling with Major Tom.  Major Tom doesn't give a crap about how I'm feeling, really.  When I got him, the girl said that he'd be really cuddly and clingy with me--this has not turned out to be the case.  Instead, he is completely gay for Jay and I can only get him to stay near me if the conditions are just right.  I have to be laying on the couch that Jay usually sits on, the blanket has to be off of the couch...everything has to be quiet, and he has to come over on his own.  It's so rare.  I've taken to giving him treats when he comes up to bed with me, which he has stopped doing since it hasn't been freezing cold.  Such an opportunist kitty.

3. Writing.  I hate to admit this, but I haven't been writing at all lately.  I just don't have it in me.  I should have had the first draft of my novel finished by now, but I have barely been able to pick up a pen for the past month.  My college essay is due by the end of the month, and every time I look at it my mind just blanks.  Not really great timing.  Blurg.

That's all I've been able to come up with so far.  I've also been paring down my wardrobe but that isn't really a "fun" thing.

What are YOUR ten things?


Friday, February 18, 2011

A happier story.

So, a coworker/friend of mine won free tickets in a work raffle to see Shrek the Musical.  I didn't have any interest in Shrek, really, (I've never even seen the movies, just part of the first one) but she knew how much I love musicals so she invited me and our boss/friend along.

It was a pretty good show.  I, of course, was ridiculously excited during the whole first act due to my all-consuming musical love.  But when the second act started I had calmed down a little and literally had this, "Hmm.  This might not be that good." moment.

I'm certainly no critic when it comes to musicals, as I am biased and also love Annie, which pretty much everyone hates.  But I thought everyone was pretty talented, there were some funny jokes (although about a minute straight of comical farting/burping that I could have done without, but I get it, it was a musical for kids!) and the part with the dragon was probably the most amazing thing that I've ever seen on stage.  The dragon was hands down the best part.

I may have enjoyed it more if I had seen the movies.  But all in all I was happy that I got to go!  Free tickets to a musical?  That doesn't happen every day :)

Thursday, February 17, 2011


My fun times with friends (this is Theo, my friend Mary's son--remember him?) have pretty much come to a close.  Now I am forced to take a look, without distraction, at my life.

And no sir, I don't like it.

I'll try to stay upbeat on the blog as much as possible.  But things are not happy and shiny in Alison-land.  I'm none too pleased.  Under the microscope, (and while I can hear you all saying, "don't blame yourself" and "it's not your fault", please me on this one? I know it's not entirely my fault, but I do have to accept a rather large amount of responsibility.) I haven't been the kind of girlfriend that I thought I was.  Not the kind I wanted to be, not the kind Jay deserved.  I thought having dinner ready when he came home from work and buying good presents and loving him was enough, but there's so much that I have done wrong without even realizing it.  I know I'm not perfect and neither is he, but there's more to it than all that.  It's rough.

Kind of a mess right now, to tell you the truth.

But I promise I'll come back with a happier story soon.  I'm sure there's one in my brain somewhere.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Forgive me.

My college essay is due REALLY soon, so I have to finish it ASAP.  And it's so ridiculous!  Five to ten pages about myself...ugh.  I'm not enjoying this.

For now, I leave you with this absolutely beautiful piece of artwork.  It's called Liberty and it's by Kneil Melicano.

I definitely want this as my next tattoo.  I'm thinking a sleeve.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Downsizing, again.

The real things I love are things that I can't pack.

My kitten.
My job and co-workers.
My ex.  (Yeah, I said it.  I think I'm coming to terms with the fact it's okay to love him.  I also have to say--I really understand the Jack White/Meg White issue.)
My mom.
My big, fluffy cloud blanket.  (Yeah, I'm a 26 year old with a children's blanket.  If you felt it, you would understand.)

The things I can pack all become a bit insignificant, too.  All I really need are clothes, my computer, camera, Kindle, makeup/hair supplies and a notebook.

I can get my record player and records shipped over later.  There are some books that I think I want to bring, but when it comes down to it, do I really need them?  Once I've used them and depleted them of the notes and research that I need?  They are in a box to be shipped if I really want them.

Downsizing this time is a huge project, because I don't even know if I'll return for this stuff.  I might not.  Who knows?

Jay thinks I'm crazy for starting to pack/downsize so early.  But I want to make sure--entirely sure--that I leave no stone unturned.  I want everything that means anything to me by my side.

(image from

Sunday, February 6, 2011


So, I'm definitely not religious.  But you now that saying...when God closes a door he opens a window? life has gone completely crazy overnight.  I've gone from being dumped to being invited to live in Germany.
It's going to be the craziest, most spontaneous thing I've ever done in my life.  But I think I'm going to do it.

After all, isn't it about time for a new adventure?

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Gift Registry: The Break up.

I'm pretty sure that there should be gift registries for when people break up from long-term relationships.

I mean, think about it.  I've spent the last four years being part of a unit.  Buying things that you envisioned sharing for the rest of your life--one vacuum, one frying pan, one mattress, one set of dishes and silverware...Jay's got one television, one XBox...

And not at the second, but very soon--these things are going to be divided.  And I'll find myself in the market for lots of new things that I won't necessarily have the money to buy because all my bills will double!  (No one to pay half of the internet, electric or rent anymore, for example.)

Needless to say, I'm going to find myself "in the market" for a lot of unexpected things.  Here's what I've got my eye on...

I have unfortunately been spoiled by Jay's HDTV/LCD television.  It's something I never wanted for myself (and definitely didn't see the sense in him buying!) but now that I've gotten used to one, I'm not sure if I could go back.  Besides, I need something thin to fit on my windowsill--otherwise I need to get ANOTHER piece of furniture, which I don't want cluttering up my living room.  This one is only around $200, which seems pretty decent to me.  It also has that neato built in DVD player.

I'll need to get something else to stream Instant Netflix with, but I haven't quite figured that out yet...we use an XBox right now, but I was thinking maybe a Wii  because it's cheaper.  I don't much play games anyway, but Wii has a few I might occasionally like.

Just a simple bucket that sits on your counter and houses your kitchen utensils.  Not a bad price at $17.99.  I'm definitely going to need this.
We have the most ridiculous shower curtain's one of those "Psycho" ones with the blood all over it and the man standing with a knife.  I hate it, but I dealt with it because Jay thought it was funny, and we didn't really have anything else.  It was supposed to be only temporary (but holy hell WHY are shower curtains so pricey?)  I will take great pleasure in removing it from my apartment and putting up this curtain in it's place, which will match the walls.  (Err...once I'm done painting, that is.)

I know I've posted these before, during Real*Love...but I'll give Jay most of the plates and bowls if I can get these.  They're adorable and perhaps a little frivolous, but I'm of the opinion that when you're heartbroken sometimes the only things that make you feel better are the pretty things you've always wanted.
Other things that I'm not looking forward to sorting through:
Towels (who gets what towels? And how many?)
Random papers and articles we pulled out of storage but haven't gone through yet
All the things we "went halfsies" on, like the stand-alone closet, the curtains and rods...

The worst is, I can still remember going to Wal-Mart with Jay when we got our first apartment, all excited about what color we'd decorate the bathroom and what kind of towels to get.  We decided on purple, and he decorated the bathroom with little cardboard tiki men he found at iParty.  It was hysterical.  When he surprised me by putting together my IKEA dresser while I was at work, and when I came home there was a rose in one of the drawers, with a note saying "Just because".   I still have that rose.
This shit is so ugly, so hard.  I'm either pissed off or I'm crying.  He's telling me now we're two puzzle pieces that don't fit, and that we tried to fit for so long.  He tells me "You love me like you love Major Tom (our cat)."  But he's wrong.  And one day he's going to realize this and be sorry...but it will be too late.

I really just hope this entire situation isn't born of snow and depression.  Or, rather, maybe I hope it is...?

I don't know.  I love him and am being bombarded from all sides by "you'll find someone better" and "he treated you like shit", while all I can think is that I love him, and that I understand him.  And while my biggest complaint was always that he wasn't affectionate enough, or that he wasn't on the same schedule as I was--I understood why.  Which people only see as me "making excuses" for him, but I don't see it that way.  I know neither of us are perfect and we have growing to do.  But is it so wrong to want to stay with someone and grow together?

Bleh.  Dark days over here lately.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Missing in Action...

Sorry I've been absent lately, guys.  Things are not the greatest in Alison-Land, mostly the definite end of my almost-four-year relationship (I have a three year expiration date, it seems.) and the fact that there has been so much damn SNOW in New England that I've successfully managed to use ALL OF my sick/personal time in the month of January.   Yeah.  Not how I was intending on spending it, that's for sure.

The good news is, my best friend has come home from a 6 year stay in London and she's been totally there for me...the perfect distraction, making sure I eat (I literally forget to eat for days when I'm depressed) and picking up my pieces.  It's what she does best, and I am so lucky that she somehow always seems to be around when I really need her.

And there is much SNOW.  Now, I know I live in New England and we get snow every year.  That part, I'm used to.  I'm also used to the fact that as soon as a single flake makes an appearance, everyone starts driving like an idiot while simultaneously bitching about the weather.  (While others take the approach, "Shut up and move if you don't like winter.")
But this year has been something completely unreal.  We had a green Christmas AND a green New Years--but after that, all bets were off.  Mother Nature has dumped storm after storm upon us--one foot of snow, two feet, one foot--week after week!  I'm not exaggerating, we have had a massive storm EVERY Wednesday for the entire month of January.  We just barely get ourselves dug out when the snow slams us again.

My best friend's father said something like, "I haven't seen snow like this since the blizzard of '77."
But that's the thing.  The blizzard of '77 was just that--a blizzard.  ONE storm.  Boom.  And then you dug out, and you were done.  This winter has just been relentless.  So much worse.

Honestly, I like the area I am in.  But if we get another winter like this next year, I am strongly considering splitting my time between New England and Florida.  I can't take another year of this!

Anyway, I'm alternatively seethingly angry and devastatingly depressed as of late, and as such am finding it difficult to blog.  But I'll try to keep up appearances around here.  If you try not to miss me too much ;)