Thursday, February 17, 2011

Yep.

My fun times with friends (this is Theo, my friend Mary's son--remember him?) have pretty much come to a close.  Now I am forced to take a look, without distraction, at my life.

And no sir, I don't like it.

I'll try to stay upbeat on the blog as much as possible.  But things are not happy and shiny in Alison-land.  I'm none too pleased.  Under the microscope, (and while I can hear you all saying, "don't blame yourself" and "it's not your fault", please just...trust me on this one? I know it's not entirely my fault, but I do have to accept a rather large amount of responsibility.) I haven't been the kind of girlfriend that I thought I was.  Not the kind I wanted to be, not the kind Jay deserved.  I thought having dinner ready when he came home from work and buying good presents and loving him was enough, but there's so much that I have done wrong without even realizing it.  I know I'm not perfect and neither is he, but there's more to it than all that.  It's rough.

Kind of a mess right now, to tell you the truth.

But I promise I'll come back with a happier story soon.  I'm sure there's one in my brain somewhere.

2 comments:

Rhi said...

Hey, sometimes shite isn't happy, shiney times and it's okay to show it. It's okay to keep it to yourself, too... just don't feel you have to be upbeat unless it's for yourself. :) Good luck with your future, it sounds like you have alot on your plate.

Alison said...

Rhi: Waaay too much on my plate. Ugh. Thanks :) I'm careful not to be too much of a blog-downer. I was really bad with that back in my livejournal days. And then everyone hated my boyfriend at the time because ALL I did was use my livejournal to vent!

Generally I think it's just better to post happy things so people keep reading. I mean, we all have enough crap going on in our lives. Reading people's blogs should be a little escape, right? :)