Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I'm tired.

Quite honestly, I'm tired.

Tired of working an awful job and coming home only to spend my evenings applying for other jobs.

Tired of coming home drained, anxious, stressed and negative.  Tired of complaining to those gracious enough to listen to me.

Craigslist.com, Mandy.com, Careerbuilder.com, WorkInRetail.com, Indeed.com... I am burnt out.

I have had 2 interviews (and two impromptu "meetings"), two employee referrals.  One job said "I hope to make a decision by the end of October" and the other, "We aren't looking for someone until the beginning of November."

Both are right around the corner.

I wish I could give school my complete and total attention like it deserves, but when I come home I make a beeline for the job applications instead of my homework.  If one day goes by where I don't send out at lease one application, I feel like I've wasted that day.

I feel like I've been trading up for bigger and better things in my life.  That's how life should be.  But somehow, my career is not following suit.  Instead of climbing the corporate ladder, I am continuously falling back down to the bottom rung.

I need to get my career in order.  Career and money are the one facet of my life that I really have had very little control over and that needs to change. This economy is certainly no help, but I really hope something will happen soon to get me on the right track.

Monday, October 24, 2011

[Crossposted]

I promise a fulfilling blog post in a few days: for now, I am busily attacking my college coursework.  For now, enjoy this random thought. 





Sometimes in the morning, I will forgo the typical American bacon egg & cheese, bagel with cream cheese, what have you, and I’ll get a croissant, toasted with butter.
And even though I’m late for work and eating as I drive, it’s raining and cold, my gas tank is already on E and I’m nearly out of cash for the week…
…I imagine that I’m sitting at a sidewalk cafe in Paris.

The sun is warm and the croissant is fresh and I’m across the table from someone special to me.  I have no place to be.  My only concern is finishing my croissant and coffee.
I need to make this a reality one day.

(photo reposted from tumblr user "aliceisbacon", but I am unsure who the credit goes to.)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Dresses.

I'm obsessed with this photo right now.
I look at it every day.

Something about it appeals to me on a deeper level than just "I like this photo".

I want my life to be this simple and uncluttered.  Laid out effortlessly like a pre-planned outfit.  All elements that work together, but can be interchangeable.

Years ago I had an obsession with being able to fit my life into a suitcase.  It passed, but I can feel it returning...

If everything I like and am attracted to is minimalistic, why do I surround myself with stuff?  What am I afraid of?

Monday, October 10, 2011

Home sweet home!

I'm back!  And trying to turn my life around.

Well, my job situation anyway.  I deserve so much better, and hopefully I will find it, soon.

My college stay was...interesting.  I meet a lot of really smart people there who push me to be a better person--and in the same vein I am at times shocked by how others view the place is an excuse to do things you wouldn't do at home.  I mean, we aren't traditional college-age kids.  Most of us are adults.  We range in age from 21 to 70.  This isn't a what-happens-in-Vegas... kind of situation.

 My first semester, I was told: "This College ruins lives.  You come here and you meet these wonderful, intellectual people who you can connect with on a whole 'nother level.  When you go home, things just aren't the same.  This College has torn apart families."


Last semester, I kind of wanted to believe that.  I wanted to believe that I was the "wonderful intellectual person". 


But as an observer this semester, I'm not sure these lines are anything more than a fancy excuse.  I found myself disappointed in many people who I thought highly of.

In somewhat related news, I now am exercising my capacity to use the Facebook "block" feature.  And you know what? I already feel a little lighter.  In addition to blocking them from seeing my profile, it also removes any temptation on my part to "just take a peek" at their page.  I'm not sure why I never utilized this before.

Now I'm buried up to my ears in literature and my first "packet" is due on October 31st.  So, if you'll excuse me... :)

Home sweet home!

I'm back!  And trying to turn my life around.

Well, my job situation anyway.  I deserve so much better, and hopefully I will find it, soon.

My college stay was...interesting.  I meet a lot of really smart people there who push me to be a better person--and in the same vein I am at times shocked by how others view the place is an excuse to do things you wouldn't do at home.  I mean, we aren't traditional college-age kids.  Most of us are adults.  We range in age from 21 to 70.  This isn't a what-happens-in-Vegas... kind of situation.

 My first semester, I was told: "This College ruins lives.  You come here and you meet these wonderful, intellectual people who you can connect with on a whole 'nother level.  When you go home, things just aren't the same.  This College has torn apart families."


Last semester, I kind of wanted to believe that.  I wanted to believe that I was the "wonderful intellectual person". 


But as an observer this semester, I'm not sure these lines are anything more than a fancy excuse.  I found myself disappointed in many people who I thought highly of.

In somewhat related news, I now am exercising my capacity to use the Facebook "block" feature.  And you know what? I already feel a little lighter.  In addition to blocking them from seeing my profile, it also removes any temptation on my part to "just take a peek" at their page.  I'm not sure why I never utilized this before.

Now I'm buried up to my ears in literature and my first "packet" is due on October 31st.  So, if you'll excuse me... :)

Sunday, October 2, 2011

College is weird.

I apologize for the silence, all, but I am currently away at college.

It's been an interesting time thus far.  I have discovered that my "drink" is champagne.  (So much for being a cheap date.  Now I feel like I need to wear black dresses and pearls every time I drink.)

I have watched countless people wrap themselves up in drama, and I have heard some amazing stories and beautiful prose and poetry.

There's a workshop soon with a visiting writer, and I can't wait for that to begin.  I'm very excited about this semester and I feel like my advisor this time is a much better fit for me.

I'll check in again once I'm home!