Starving, Hysterical, Naked

This is not about celebrities.

2012-01-31T23:02:00.000-05:00

I GOT A NEW JOB YAY!

I started on Monday, it's full-time (yay) with benefits (yay) and more than I was making at my previous job (yay). Also, I don't have to deal with customers (yay) or anything of that nature, AND it's a casual dress code so I can wear my usual dress/leggings/boots/cardigan attire (yay!). It is absolutely great for right now, and it couldn't have come along at a better time. I can't wait to bask in the glory that is my first paycheck.

(The basking will be short-lived, followed by frantic bill paying of course.)

Also, as of this time next week, I will be a COLLEGE SENIOR. Which means I will be 29 by the time I have my diploma in hand. Which means I'll have a bachelor's degree before I'm 30. (This is awesome, because I used to always whine "I'm going to be THIRTY by the time I graduate..." Shaving a year off that time feels good.)

I'm still undecided if I'm going to pursue my masters degree or not...I suppose it all depends on what my social and work life is looking like at that point. If I can secure desirable employment without it, I may skip it altogether. Who needs the additional student loan debt? We'll see. I am, however, excited for semester break. I have around 50+ books waiting to be read! But let's be real, I'll probably spend my break working, sleeping, and hanging out with Shaun. Fine with me ;)

Life has been good lately. My friend Mary has been helping me out with some photography: she needs photos for her portfolio, I need new shots for my website. I just got a new fridge and it's seriously gorgeous. (And yes, I realize being excited about appliances makes me an OFFICIAL ~~loser~~ adult. Even more so, the fact that I thought, "Hmm, maybe I should buy a washer & dryer with my tax return..." WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

I think I'm going to have to eat some ice cream for breakfast just to assure my inner child I'm not a total waste of an adult. ...too bad I vowed to eat less ice cream this year.*

*I've made it an entire month without any ice cream, mostly thanks to my gluten allergy and the fact the boyfriend likes gluten-y ice creams. But I did get some Friendly's frozen yogurt a few days ago, fudge berry swirl, and I am happy to report it is delicious. Although it does have corn syrup in it, blech!!

Writing Muse: Victor Garber

2012-01-24T17:01:00.000-05:00

I made this new rule for myself. I should write 1,000 words of my novel every day.

If I keep up with this, I should be finished with my first draft by April.

Now, because this might affect the frequency of my blog posts, I figured I'd tell you just a little about my book. Starting with my current muse.

As a child, I was in the musical Godspell. Among all the musicals I did, Godspell was probably my favorite. Not for any religious reasons, but just because it was so much fun to put on. The music is great and the costumes were wacky and it was just a good production.

Now, a lot of the kids in the show rented and watched the movie before auditions, but after the HAIR debacle that occurred in my house (we rented the musical HAIR. The VHS case said it was rated PG. We put it in the VCR only to be greeted by a man on a horse singing about masturbation. VCR was turned off immediately) my parents were reluctant to trust a vintage musical that claimed to be PG.

Needless to say, I didn't get a chance to see the movie until it appeared on my Netflix queue about three/four years ago.

And imagine my shock when I realize this:

...and this are the same person!

Anyhow. 24 year old Alison was pretty smitten with 1970's 24 year-old Victor Garber. Something about his smile, I think. So I got to Googling, like you do, and learned a little bit about him.

The one thing that really stuck out to me was that both his parents died from complications of Alzheimer's, and he had cared for both of them. Although I didn't know much about Alzheimer's at that time, I did think, Isn't that genetic? and Wow, that must be scary for him. I wonder if he worries he's going to develop it, too.

After more googling (both about VG and Alzheimer's) I learned that Victor has diabetes--and having diabetes increases your risk of developing Alzheimer's. Even scarier.

The very thought of someone living with that fear and battling those odds prompted me to write a short story about what the life of someone in a similar situation might be like. This short story (entitled V, as in Victor. I couldn't bare to change the first name...it's too strong.) then proceeded to be rejected for publication, and in one of the rejection letters an editor said to me, "This is more of a first chapter than a short story."

Those were the magic words, causing me to take a step back and look at my work. There was a much larger story here. So I started to tell it.

I wrote Victor a letter last March, after speaking directly with his agent. I sent him the first chapter of the novel and a letter explaining what I hoped to accomplish with it (I'm looking to increase awareness of Alzheimer's, clear up common misconceptions and donate some of the books proceeds to the Alzheimer's Association) , and thanking him for inspiring me. He never wrote back, and while I know actors are extraordinarily busy and probably don't have time to answer the mail of strangers, I did kinda expect some kind of response, even if it was only a form letter.

Sometimes I still cross my fingers as I go to the mailbox.

I just want to know that he read it. Even if he thinks it's crap. Even if it was offensive to him and he's angry that I've taken liberties with his life.

In the time since then, I have been doing extensive research and even interviewing Alzheimer's care givers, family members and patients. I'm learning so much about this tragic disease, but let me tell you--constructing an accurate portrayal of an Alzheimer's patient is very difficult work. I just hope I can capture everything in a way that will help people.

So, in case you all were wondering, THAT is why I seem so obsessed with Victor Garber at times. (I've always based my own characters off of actors to a point, and sometimes watching their movies can help me to visualize how they may act in a certain situation.)

And it's also why I look so bummed when I return from my mailbox.

In the off-chance that Miss Fey ever Googles herself...

2012-01-18T15:39:00.001-05:00

So, after seeing TONS of people surf into my website after googling "Tina Fey Naked" (or some variation of those words) I discovered that my blog is the THIRD entry that comes up when you type that into Google.

My first thought is, "Oh my God I wonder if Tina googles herself!"

It's possible, right?
Who isn't guilty of a little vanity-search on the web now and again?

I mean, based on the read I got from Tina's personality in Bossypants, I'm fairly certain there are no actual naked pictures of her floating around, so she likely has no cause to be worried and google herself. BUT. Maybe she's checking to see if someone photoshopped her head onto someone's nude body.

It could happen.

(Dear Tina: if you do read this, you're kinda my hero--but I'm not posting naked pictures of you, so no worries there. Was supposed to meet you in NYC for your Bossypants signing in 2011 but missed it and was devastated but tried to be a big girl about it all. That's really all I can say without rambling incoherently. God, I'm even a stupidly nervous fan on my blog. Probably better I didn't meet you, it might have gone something like this:

)

Anyway.

Carry on.

Style Icon: Zooey Deschanel

2012-01-16T22:14:00.000-05:00

I love Zooey Deschanel.

I know about the whole Manic Pixie Dream Girl thing. And I get it. I know all her characters are pretty much the same (even though she's been quoted as saying she's been quoted as saying "I don't wanna do the same thing over and over again because that's, well, first of all that's no fun." face it, Zooey. Your characters could use some variety. That's not to say I want her to change, though. To be honest, I love her quirky characters. I see a lot of me in them, and I'm sure other girls do, too, which is probably why she's so popular.

One of my exes told me I looked like her (and more recently, someone told me I looked like her sister Emily...so I guess I've got the whole Deschanel Family Resemblance thing going!)

Okay I'll be honest. The main reason I even posted about Zooey was to showcase those top two photos. I've had them saved on my hard drive forever. I love everything about both of those outfits! (Um, except I'd wear them with leggings instead of nylons--DON'T GET MAD, weirdo Twitter guy!)

Zooey is also probably the reason I toy with the idea of having bangs now and again.

(This was my first day of temping at my office job a couple years ago. It doesn't feel like that long ago, but when I look at how much my hair has grown in that time, I'm shocked. It was ages ago.)

But with the exception of the side-swept bang (and the very first day of wearing bangs after a haircut!) they usually don't work out too well on me.

I really do need a haircut though...hmm.

After seeing Zooey's nails on the red carpet last night though, I realized one thing--

(We'd totally be bffls if we hung out in real life, cuz my bffl Lauren had this same EXACT thing done with her nails 6 years ago--and when she asked for it the manicurist looked at her like she was insane.)

If you can't say anything nice...

2012-01-12T19:37:00.003-05:00

...don't say anything at all. Right?

Clearly not.

Don't get me wrong--I am NOT a saint in this regard. I can be quite judgmental at times, but for the most part I keep my comments to myself.

Now, while some people could see this as worse (because now I'm just talking behind people's backs, right?) I think it's preferable. Because just because *I* think it's gross that you look like a Person of Wal-Mart doesn't mean you particularly care what I think.

But today a co-worker of mine (who has only ever spoken to me once or twice before*) turned to me as I was preparing to leave for the day and said, "WOW! Did you just roll out of bed or what?"

I did a quick mental once-over. I was fully clothed in my usual work attire. I had my glasses on, my face was washed, teeth brushed--hell, I even had LIPSTICK on. (This is a new development, normally I'm a Carmex girl, but I've discovered that wearing lipstick makes me NOT pick my lips. Huzzah, New Years Resolution!)

Normally I'd be meek and quiet and let this go. But not this time.

"Excuse me?" I asked, loudly and indignantly. I wanted to give her a chance to really hear what she had said to me and think of how COMPLETELY RUDE it sounded.

"Your hair is all a mess." She said, clearly not apologetic, nor backing down.

"I have curly hair." I said, dumbfounded and flabbergasted, flushing, thinking maybe she was too dumb to notice. "I straighten it usually."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." She said, turning away from me and ending the conversation.

When I got home that day, I expected my hair to be in a pretty sorry state to illicit such a comment. But, seriously folks--it's just CURLY. Not unruly curly, either. I had it half up in a small bun and half down, much like the below picture.

Later today someone commented to me on Twitter and I discovered it was a man who has exclusively dedicated his account to bashing women who choose to NOT wear nylons. He calls them "trashy" and "disgusting", among other things. If a woman comments that she's wearing nylons, he thanks her for "keeping it classy", but mostly it's filled with hate speech.

People take such joy in bringing others down. It's very sad, and the internet is a powerful tool for good or evil--and evil pretty much prevails. I'd like this to be different. Hell, I'd like people in real life to be different too.

Personally, I make it a point to leave nice comments whenever possible. That's not to say I've never disagreed or had a bad day and said something nasty--I unfortunately have done my share of negative comments too. (Example: I may or may not have called nylons man a creep and an asshole. Not exactly practicing what I preach...) But I sometimes look at my Facebook feed and think, "Can I say something nice to someone today?" And I can. So I do.

I think more people should. There's so much negativity out there, we should all try to spread something positive now and again.

Paying it forward, kind of.

Just a thought.

*The only other thing that woman has said to me, that I can recall? She looked at me with disdain one day and said, "You need to bleach your shirt." Real nice. Technically, she was accurate. But still, can you open your mouth without nitpicking? Sheesh...

A photo a day.

2012-01-08T16:16:00.000-05:00

I've been taking part in Instagram's "January photo a day"...thing (I don't know what to call it! It's not a contest or a competition...just a fun thing to do for those of us who love Instagram!)

Anyway, it's been fun so far and I'm proud to say I haven't missed a day yet! (Although I nearly forgot about the entry for today! Thank goodness the sun was still out when I remembered!)

Here are my photos so far. If you have Instagram, I'd love it if you joined in! There's still time to catch up. Leave a comment with your user name so I can follow you. :)

(Apologies if you've seen some of these photos already!)

Day 1: Me!

Day 2:

Breakfast

Day 3:

Something I adore

Day 4:

Letterbox

Day 5:

Something I wore

Day 6:

Something that makes me smile

Day 7:

"Favorite"

Day 8:

Your sky

A year in review?

2012-01-07T13:45:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to come up with a "year in review" blog, but the problem is there are some months where I just can't remember what was blog worthy! Here's a little mini year in review, just the highlights!

January, February, March:

This was a pretty rough time of year for me, to be honest. I was pretty miserable and depressed. Thank God for Christie, Mike and Aaron, though. They were just my co-workers at first, but we got to be good friends and they helped me through a lot of shit. We all went on trips (Vermont, Salem & NYC with Mike, NYC with Christie, where we saw The Addams Family & I saw Bright Eyes, to see Shrek with both Christie and Mike, and we all went bowling as a big group) and they would continuously support me when I randomly burst into tears at work. They're good people, and I definitely miss working with them.

In March, I also received an acceptance letter from Goddard College.

April:

April was a HUGE turning point in my life. I began the BFA program at Goddard College halfheartedly, still depressed and unsure what the point of everything was--and in a matter of 14 days my life completely turned around. I met so many 'kindred spirits' as they say, but the biggest thing was meeting a guy (who, of course turned out to be a scumbag, but what can you do?) who changed my perception of myself.

I returned back to MY apartment (my ex had moved out while I was at school) with the forward momentum that I needed to begin a new chapter of my life. And when shit fell apart with said scumbag (it turned out he had a girlfriend) instead of leaving me devastated, it left me knowing what I wanted out of life--and knowing that I was worthy of obtaining it.

May:

Without getting too sappy about it--I met Shaun in May, and it was undeniably the most positive thing to happen to me all year. Finally, a healthy, mature, adult relationship--but not so adult that we can't take naps and play Operation and eat too much ice cream and watch Jersey Shore. Pretty nice.

June:

My best friend Katie was in town for my birthday this year! This hardly ever happens. We had a nice but low-key celebration at a hibachi grill, followed by karaoke at my old stomping ground: me and Shaun, Katie and Bill, and Mary. I brought my camera but the ONLY photo I took that night was of the onion volcano at the hibachi grill!

July:

In July I finally got my wisdom teeth out. I was years overdue! That's me with the wrap-around ice pack they give you. I had dreaded this experience for years, but the pain wasn't bad at all. I also switched jobs and attended multiple 4th of July fireworks events, including one where I karaoked Eminem like a boss and got called Joan Jett, which is probably the most awesome nickname I've ever received.

Shaun & I also went to The Decemberists concert at the end of the month, and it was so nice...mellow, lawn seats...but we could still wander to the front of we wanted. I had a great time, and I really hope the Decemberists come back again this year!

I also was chosen by my writing group facilitator to take over the group while she was out of town. It was a big honor that she'd trust me with such a responsibility, and it was a great step considering I want to be a creative writing teacher one day.

August, September, October:

I'm not sure if I did anything at all in August! But in September I introduced Shaun to the Big E, and hit up the Town-wide Tag Sale with Mary. (It's kind of become our yearly tradition, which I love.) And in October I went back to Goddard where I got an amazing new advisor, gathered the courage to read my work outloud, and bonded with my awesome soulmate-roomie.

November, December:

I think November was the month that I learned I'm being published in Big Pulp, which is of course awesome news. And December meant Christmas, and lots of fun trips with Shaun, like to Northampton and The Nutcracker and Bright Nights. And we rang in the new year with some of his friends...which I'd post a photo of, but they haven't posted their photos yet. Boo! There's nothing I hate more than waiting for photos. (Except maybe waiting for photos only to find out that I blinked or have a double chin in them! Ugh!)

Well, that's my tiny year review. Hope you enjoyed it :) All in all it was a very good year except for a bumpy beginning!

Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T15:22:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Year.

I rang in the New Year with Shaun and some of his friends, drinking some champagne that I swear tasted like roses.

Due to the mild winter, this year would have been perfect to brave the streets of New York City for NYE--but I simply didn't plan in advance (not to mention, my job had us open at 6 AM on 1/1--mandatory!) so it didn't come to fruition. I swear one day I'll get there!

I sat down with a piece of paper to try to draft a New Years Resolution. I take resolutions very seriously and tend to make them year-round, things like cutting meat, soda, high fructose corn syrup and genetically modified foods from my diet...quitting smoking, stopping the use of a microwave...once I make a resolution, it tends to stick, as well. I have pretty good willpower.

This year, I came up with a list of around 20 things I wanted to work on. Here they are:

1. Stop picking my lips. This is a terrible nervous habit I've developed over the years. I tend to do it when I'm stressed, but applying lots of lip balm/gloss makes me less likely to do it.
2. Stop spending money. I go all year wanting things, but being able to resist them for the most part. And then Christmastime rolls around and I cave to temptation. I'm battling the hell out of this demon right now and drooling over wish lists on Amazon, Etsy & eBay.
3. Exercise. My mom just gave me Jillian Michael's Power Yoga DVD. I guess owning the DVD is one step in the right direction...
4. Get a new job. This goes without saying.
5. Put most of my tax return towards credit card debt. I used some credit cards to finance the holiday, but I'm hoping my tax return can clear at least three of my four balances.
6. Be productive every day. I have a real problem with coming home, sitting down, and then never doing anything constructive. I've been having energy issues lately (not getting enough protein) but I'm working to solve them, and I need to work on my productivity and motivation, too.
7. Eat less ice cream. Okay. So I love ice cream. Sue me. Maybe I'll switch to frozen yogurt...
8. Write every day. In the same vein of being productive every day, I want to be able to set a timer and write, uninterrupted, for at least an hour each day. I don't care if what I write is crap or quality, I just want to write.
9. Take sewing classes. I actually am halfway there--I have my machine and I signed up for some great discounted classes for beginners! I think I'll wait until winter is over to use them, though, just so I don't have to worry about snow days.
10. Read more. I say this every year!
11. Work on public speaking. I'm required to address a medium to large group of people weekly at work, so this is definitely helping me find my voice. I'm also hosting our monthly writing group meeting tomorrow. So, it's a start!
12. Submit more work to magazines. 2011 saw a poem of mine get accepted in Big Pulp magazine, which is of course an exciting accomplishment--but I feel like I should have "feelers" out at all times.
13. Drink more water. I'm getting there.
14. Keep the apartment clean(er). The apartment looks pretty good most of the time, but I'm just now taking steps to make it feel like my own--hanging photos, getting a coat rack, moving furniture around, downsizing.
15. Cook more. This way I can be certain my food is free of allergens and high fructose corn syrup, etc.
16. Buy more natural foods/products. It's hard to find really good natural soaps, shampoos, etc. For now, I've moved on to organic and vegan Lush products, but they still have Sodium Lauryl Sulfate in them, which is not ideal.
17. Do laundry weekly. Now that I've massively downsized my wardrobe, it's much more important to get in the habit of having a weekly cleaning day. We'll see how that goes! Forming new habits can be hard for me.

That's pretty much all I have by way of resolutions! (Although I'm sure to tack on more as I go--I always do!)

Murphy's Law Day

2011-12-28T16:41:00.000-05:00

Holy crap, if there ever was a day that completely embodied Murphy's Law, it was yesterday.

I can't even remember all of the crap that happened, but here were some of the major highlights:

Ever since I started with my company, I've been saving shipping boxes. This was company orders--I was supposed to stockpile around 100-150 shipping boxes, for when we changed our return system and would be using cardboard boxes instead of plastic return totes. MOST of the people at my store were aware of this.

Yet yesterday, when I needed a box to do a return, I was startled to find that ALL OF MY BOXES had been thrown out. Every.Single.Last.One. Now, these boxes weren't in anyone's way. They were all broken down to their flattest proportions and slid in between my shelves and a metal support beam. They were minding their own business.

Seriously? I didn't painstakingly select the most perfect boxes and break them down for my health! I needed those! Ugh. (The part that really gets me is that stuff like this happens all the time. No one at the store has any respect for me, my belongings, or any of my work spaces. I quite frequently leave the store with my work space looking like this:

and return the next day to find this mess:

(NONE of those are mine--they belong to the gaming department, whose shelves are to the right of mine. Every day I walk in to their mess spread all over my shelves.)

At home, my day turned out to be one of those days where every single thing you try to do goes wrong. I tried to toast some bread, but some residue (soap maybe?) on the bottom of my frying pan filled the house with smoke. Every single item I picked up, I dropped--including lots of food on the floor.

At the end of the day, due to large amounts of wind, the power in my apartment flickered and went out briefly. I thought nothing of it, and went to take a shower--only to find that my sump pump was broken (presumably shorted out by the power surge?) and the water was overflowing in my utility closet.

I had had enough by this point. I texted my landlord to let him know, and texted my boyfriend something along the lines of, "I've had enough of today. I'm going to bed."

But before I did, I washed my face and brushed my teeth--and knocked my glasses off the counter.

Of course, the lens fell out. And the teeny tiny screw shot off to GOD knows where. I certainly couldn't find it without my glasses!

(I went to bed after this, thinking that I'd wake up the next morning and have a fresh start. But when I went out to my car this morning, I realized quickly that I had LEFT MY WINDOW ROLLED DOWN all night long. During a torrential rain and wind storm. Of course. So my car seat and butt have been appropriately soggy for most of the day.)

Today has been much more pleasant. But the plumber is currently taking my sump pump apart and putting in a new one. And there is poop all over my floor because of this. Not happy with that. >:-(

(I'll spare you a photo of that, though.)

I'm wrapping 2011 with a bow and sending it off. I'm ready for 2012 to be my year.

Bye-bye Christmas...

2011-12-26T18:18:00.000-05:00

I'm always sad when Christmas is over. :( I was glad when I turned on the radio at 3 AM this morning (yes, that's the ungodly hour that I had to rouse myself and head off to work!) and still heard Christmas music. (And then later at 11 AM, they were playing some occasional Christmas music. I guess they know that people like me need to be slowly weaned off of Christmas cheer!)

I spent Christmas Eve-eve at Shaun's and we spread our gift-unwrapping over two days. I think all my gifts went over pretty well (even though he had guessed what at least three of them were!) and I definitely got basically everything I asked for.

Here's the haul:

Storage ottoman (pictured)
This American Life Season 1 DVD
30 Rock Season 3 DVD
A CD/DVD case
A clauddagh ring
Yodel Me On My Cell OPI nail polish
Starbucks coffee
A Gluten-free cookbook
Operation board game

Also, I got Leonard Cohen's The Book of Longing from Shaun's mom.

I gave him:

Big Lebowski Blu-ray
Jackie Brown Blu-ray
Goodfellas Blu-ray
Writing Fiction for ~~Dummies~~ Beginners book
Das Boot (drinking glass shaped like a boot)
Sour Patch Kids
Wellspring Flip Notepad
Keurig "My K-Cup"
Ipod charging dock/speakers

I was super pumped to have Operation (I never had it/played it as a kid!) and we played it right away with some spiked egg nog.

Aaaand then I had a massive, scary asthma attack that landed me in the ER.

(The intake girl completely butchered my last name.)

I'm not sure what the deal was, exactly. I have asthma (and have had it for years now) but it's very, very mild and almost always under control. I have inhalers at home but almost never use them--and because of this, I never travel with them. If I ever have an asthma attack, it usually passes very quickly without using any medicine.

But not this night. I had black coffee, I was using asthmatic breathing techniques...no matter what I did, eventually I could barely get a breath of air. It was really scary.

Well, after 2+ hours in the emergency room and three breathing treatments and an aggressive dose of steroids, guess who's carrying her rescue inhaler ALL THE TIME now? Yep, this girl.

All in all, it was a very nice Christmas...but you know, I (and I'm sure Shaun, too) could have done without the ER!

Hope everyone else had a good Christmas too. Who's looking forward to New Years?

Another one...

2011-12-19T18:34:00.000-05:00

I have yet another job interview tomorrow.

This one isn't the ideal job, but hell the pay is more than adequate. That shit will be NICE. Bye-bye, debt.

By the way? My mom is awesome. The morning after I posted my last Real*Love entry, I noticed the next day that both the owl and the typewriter had been sold. I was really bummed and my boyfriend said, "maybe your mom bought them."

I considered this, but the typewriter was about $150 or so.

"Nah, the typewriter is too expensive. If anything, she would have bought the owl."

And today a package arrived. I was confused, because all of Shaun's Christmas presents have already shipped. I was expecting a small kitchen timer from eBay for myself...but would they be silly enough to send it in such a large box?

I shook it.

It didn't feel like a kitchen timer...

Well look who it is! I love him. :)

I haven't named him yet. Any ideas?

(She swears she didn't buy the typewriter. I feel silly for posting it now because someone snapped it up! *pout* I hope I can find one just like it...)

Real*Love, Etsy edition!

2011-12-15T15:46:00.000-05:00

So, the downside of Christmas is that shopping for other people usually gets me in a..well, shopp-y mood. With the economy what it is at the moment, that's never a good thing. I try to placate my urge to shop by buying little, practical things that I can consider to be an investment down the road. (For example, I've stocked up on warm winter leggings and boot socks from Kohl's.)

I'd really like a new winter coat, but I am so endlessly picky that I just can't find one I like enough to commit to. Looks like it's sweaters for the rest of the season for this girl...

But, without further ado--adorable things I have been lusting over (but will likely not purchase) on Etsy.

I am obsessed with this typewriter. As a kid, I learned to type on a typewriter and used to sit there for days just banging out short stories. This one rings my bell far beyond all the other models simply because of its color. LOOK AT THAT COLOR. I am so in love. I keep checking the price to see if it's been reduced. It's just a little too rich for my blood. There are other typewriters going for much cheaper, but I feel like this one is really meant to be mine, and I won't be satisfied with one of any other hue.

Okay, okay--except for maybe this hue! But this one is even MORE expensive (um, five times more expensive?!) and not even an option for me.

I love you, kiss me, I adore you. Adorable (but unfortunately sold out!) coffee spoons. They do have similar items now, though.

I already have a gray beanie similar to this one...but damn, I sure do love this image. I think they should sell the image! (And maybe the girl's dress. I'd buy that, too. Super cute!)

I am in the market for a new iPhone case (mine cost $5 at CVS and it shattered the first time it hit the ground! Although I can't exactly knock it--it seems to have kept my iPhone rather safe) but I'm incredibly picky. It has to be cute, functional, and not too expensive. This one is pretty cute, although I would prefer one with easy access, like a snap-on case...

If I had a Christmas tree this year, these cute Dr. Who ornaments would, without a doubt, be adorning it!

I have a mighty, gnawing need for a macrame owl. I could probably afford to buy this little sucker, but I'm holding out hope that my mom might eventually make me one...even though I'm not sure she knows how to.

This is the big one. Words cannot possibly express how badly I want a writing desk. I've seen some simpler designs that I like, but a secretary desk such as this one would be hard to beat. Little compartments for everything! And I can just fold it up when I'm finished! And maybe my (future) typewriter would even fit inside...

Well, there you have it. The current list of things I'm fancying!

You weren't missing much.

2011-12-13T12:43:00.000-05:00

So, I guess I've really not been missing much all those years when I couldn't go to The Nutcracker around the holidays.

(image)

As a kid, I went with my class (maybe fourth or fifth grade?) and we took buses up to The Wang Center in Boston. I remember a girl from a lower grade was in the production, I'm guessing with The Boston Ballet. I remember enjoying the show...

But my boyfriend and I were pretty bored and disappointed on Sunday. Maybe I was spoiled as a child--but the dances seemed repetitive and endless in places. When dancers landed a jump, the timing seemed "off". There was no orchestra at all, only a CD played over a sound system. And Clara didn't even dance en pointe.

I figured all productions of The Nutcracker were more or less the same--and if that's the case, I'm really surprised the show remains popular. I'm hoping I just saw a poor production or something, but I'm not too sure.

At least next year I'll know to skip the ballet and head straight for Bedford Falls...!

Also--I'm so ready for Christmas you don't even know. Everything is wrapped and ready to go--and I even fixed a huge Christmas mishap with plenty of time to spare. I'm feeling pretty confident. And I won a $50 gift certificate to my local mall spa, so I was able to cross a pedicure off my Christmas wish list. I hardly ever win things, so it was very exciting for me.

Hope you're all finished braving the crowds and wrapping. Sit back and relax & have some egg nog!

Holy crap there she is!

2011-12-05T18:27:00.000-05:00

I hope this (significantly delayed...) update finds you all well. As you can all imagine, holiday time is always crazy in the retail world, so I've been pretty busy between work and school and trying to find the perfect presents for the boyfriend... (I think I've done okay--although he keeps shaking the packages and has guessed at what THREE of them are already! Next time I'm going to wrap up random items to throw him off, or do the much loved box-inside-a-box-inside-a-box...)

I am uber excited for Christmas, as usual. It's definitely my favorite holiday, and there's always tons of things I want to do. (I am determined to get to The Real Bedford Falls one year--this is unfortunately not the year!) I'm a totally sappy Christmas person, and you'd better believe I've been listening to Christmas music since Thanksgiving. My boyfriend knows this, and knows me pretty well--this gem of an early Christmas gift arrived for me the other day...

It's the She & Him Christmas album, on vinyl. Exactly what I wanted (and didn't put on my Christmas list!). It's been in heavy rotation as you can imagine.

My stocking is hung, and next weekend my boyfriend and I are going to see The Nutcracker. I've been wanting to see The Nutcracker around the holidays for YEARS, and I've always missed out--but this year Groupon popped up with a buy one-get one coupon and I couldn't pass it up. Two seats for $25? I'll take it!

The only thing left, besides actual Christmas itself, is another viewing of It's A Wonderful Life (one of my top favorite movies) and a trip to Bright Nights! I tend to wait on Bright Nights until it's actually snowing, although this year I might have to suck it up and go sans snow--it's been unseasonably warm this winter so far.

My college packet is due in 6 days, so don't expect any updates til then! Catch you all later :)

Good news!

2011-11-08T18:25:00.000-05:00

I received word the other day that a poem I wrote is forthcoming in the 2013 print edition of Big Pulp!

Of course, I am appropriately excited and can't stop smiling about it. Even the way I found out about it was perfect: I had a day off and was heading back to my boyfriend's house after a sushi dinner when I got the email notifying me. I could have possibly been in a better mood.

This weather is insane.

2011-11-03T14:19:00.000-04:00

Unexpectedly on October 30th, the sky opened up and dumped 20 inches of snow onto all the lovely trees.

The trees that, although their leaves had changed color from green to the pretty autumn shades we all know and love, had NOT shed their leaves yet.

When 20 inches of snow hits unprepared trees, it weighs them down. This in turn snaps off the branches, and knocks down power lines in the process.

Example:

(Credit: Tim Jensen)

Due to all of this, I have been without power at my apartment for nearly a week. My job was closed for three or four days, and now they're impatiently demanding that I return. I have told them repeatedly that returning to work would be unsafe for me at this juncture. (I live far away and most gas stations are out of fuel--additionally, I have NO food at home (it's all spoiled due to the power outage) and no way to clean or keep myself warm.)

Luckily my boyfriend lives slightly south and his town received only rain and was spared all this destruction. I'm staying with him where it's warm!

I know many people are without power and really inconvenienced by this storm, but I'm very fortunate that I had somewhere to go. (Before coming down here, I had a generous friend with a generator save my ass for a few days. Let me tell you, I know exactly where I'm heading in the event of a zombie apocalypse--that family was more prepared than you could ever imagine!) I've been taking this time to apply for jobs like crazy. It's very frustrating, to say the least, but I've been job hunting for so long now that I feel like a new prospect has to be right around the corner...

That, and I really don't know how much longer I can take my current job! I've given it more than a fair chance, and it's really just not for me. I'm tired of doing the work of two (or more) people while being promised they'll hire an assistant "soon". I think they're just lying to me at this point. I do NOT want to be there when Black Friday rolls around. Ugh.

I'm tired.

2011-10-26T18:53:00.000-04:00

Quite honestly, I'm tired.

Tired of working an awful job and coming home only to spend my evenings applying for other jobs.

Tired of coming home drained, anxious, stressed and negative. Tired of complaining to those gracious enough to listen to me.

Craigslist.com, Mandy.com, Careerbuilder.com, WorkInRetail.com, Indeed.com... I am burnt out.

I have had 2 interviews (and two impromptu "meetings"), two employee referrals. One job said "I hope to make a decision by the end of October" and the other, "We aren't looking for someone until the beginning of November."

Both are right around the corner.

I wish I could give school my complete and total attention like it deserves, but when I come home I make a beeline for the job applications instead of my homework. If one day goes by where I don't send out at lease one application, I feel like I've wasted that day.

I feel like I've been trading up for bigger and better things in my life. That's how life should be. But somehow, my career is not following suit. Instead of climbing the corporate ladder, I am continuously falling back down to the bottom rung.

I need to get my career in order. Career and money are the one facet of my life that I really have had very little control over and that needs to change. This economy is certainly no help, but I really hope something will happen soon to get me on the right track.

[Crossposted]

2011-10-24T20:08:00.000-04:00

I promise a fulfilling blog post in a few days: for now, I am busily attacking my college coursework. For now, enjoy this random thought.

Sometimes in the morning, I will forgo the typical American bacon egg & cheese, bagel with cream cheese, what have you, and I’ll get a croissant, toasted with butter.

And even though I’m late for work and eating as I drive, it’s raining and cold, my gas tank is already on E and I’m nearly out of cash for the week…

…I imagine that I’m sitting at a sidewalk cafe in Paris.

The sun is warm and the croissant is fresh and I’m across the table from someone special to me. I have no place to be. My only concern is finishing my croissant and coffee.

I need to make this a reality one day.

(photo reposted from tumblr user "aliceisbacon", but I am unsure who the credit goes to.)

Dresses.

2011-10-11T23:29:00.000-04:00

I'm obsessed with this photo right now.
I look at it every day.

Something about it appeals to me on a deeper level than just "I like this photo".

I want my life to be this simple and uncluttered. Laid out effortlessly like a pre-planned outfit. All elements that work together, but can be interchangeable.

Years ago I had an obsession with being able to fit my life into a suitcase. It passed, but I can feel it returning...

If everything I like and am attracted to is minimalistic, why do I surround myself with stuff? What am I afraid of?

Home sweet home!

2011-10-10T18:30:00.002-04:00

I'm back! And trying to turn my life around.

Well, my job situation anyway. I deserve so much better, and hopefully I will find it, soon.

My college stay was...interesting. I meet a lot of really smart people there who push me to be a better person--and in the same vein I am at times shocked by how others view the place is an excuse to do things you wouldn't do at home. I mean, we aren't traditional college-age kids. Most of us are adults. We range in age from 21 to 70. This isn't a what-happens-in-Vegas... kind of situation.

My first semester, I was told: "This College ruins lives. You come here and you meet these wonderful, intellectual people who you can connect with on a whole 'nother level. When you go home, things just aren't the same. This College has torn apart families."

Last semester, I kind of wanted to believe that. I wanted to believe that I was the "wonderful intellectual person".

But as an observer this semester, I'm not sure these lines are anything more than a fancy excuse. I found myself disappointed in many people who I thought highly of.

In somewhat related news, I now am exercising my capacity to use the Facebook "block" feature. And you know what? I already feel a little lighter. In addition to blocking them from seeing my profile, it also removes any temptation on my part to "just take a peek" at their page. I'm not sure why I never utilized this before.

Now I'm buried up to my ears in literature and my first "packet" is due on October 31st. So, if you'll excuse me... :)

Home sweet home!

2011-10-10T18:30:00.000-04:00

College is weird.

2011-10-02T22:26:00.001-04:00

I apologize for the silence, all, but I am currently away at college.

It's been an interesting time thus far. I have discovered that my "drink" is champagne. (So much for being a cheap date. Now I feel like I need to wear black dresses and pearls every time I drink.)

I have watched countless people wrap themselves up in drama, and I have heard some amazing stories and beautiful prose and poetry.

There's a workshop soon with a visiting writer, and I can't wait for that to begin. I'm very excited about this semester and I feel like my advisor this time is a much better fit for me.

I'll check in again once I'm home!

Style Icon: Tina Fey

2011-09-25T22:19:00.000-04:00

While Tina Fey is certainly no Fashionista (and I don't mean that in a bad way--I'm sure Tina herself would agree with me) she has managed to convince me of two things:

It's okay to be a brunette.
Men don't make passes at girls that wear glasses? FALSE.

For yearrrssss I dyed the hell out of my hair. I dyed it within an inch of it's life. (it was falling out in chunks the night before my senior prom. HORROR.)

Even more recently, I still dyed my hair like crazy. I stuck with red hair dye for the most part, though, deciding it was pretty much the color I was born to have.

But for some reason, it wasn't until watching 30 Rock that I stopped looking at my own natural brown hair color as "poopy" or "dirty looking" and actually embraced it as a legitimate hair color.

(I assumed my hair was still brown, anyway. I had been dying it for the past ten years without stopping, so who could be sure anymore?)

It also helped that I was getting just a bit earthy-crunchy, and I knew full well that the chemicals in my hairdye were no good for me. (Neither were the chemicals in soda, or cigarettes...)

So, I dyed my hair back to my natural color. And then I stopped dying. Cold turkey.

It's lighter brown than it looks in the photo, but the best part about is it, it's never been healthier. Awesome. And I'm not wasting tons of money on hairdye. (Although I really, really do miss my red hair and wish I was just a natural redhead.)

Bonus tip? Brunettes are taken more seriously in the workplace.

As far as glasses go? Glasses to me are just...blah. I'm not particularly fond of them on other people, and I downright hate them on me.

But even though Tina Fey doesn't "need" her glasses (she wore them only to see the cue cards on SNL, and they became her trademark) she still wears them.

And I hear a lot of people are into that "hot librarian" look.

And I guess maybe they don't look that bad...

See, the thing that pisses me off is that after 11 years of wearing contacts, my eyes have decided that they have had enough. They get itchy and irritated after only a few hours. It sucks.

And of course I can't afford LASIK. So instead, I wear my glasses pretty much 95% of the time. If I know I'm meeting someone new, going to a party or an event where I want to make a good impression (or if I think I might be photographed) I will usually wear my contacts.

Oh, and during the summer when I want to wear my sunglasses. Contacts time.

So, Tina Fey is awesome and she has brown hair and glasses. And I'm kind of Liz Lemon, so I might as well look the part...

Real*Love, Etsy edition, part two!

2011-09-21T22:17:00.001-04:00

Okay, so as I mentioned before, I wrecked all my dishes. Now, at first I thought my favorite coffee mugs (Breakfast at Tiffany's, Sesame Street and Love Is...) had miraculously been spared from this disaster.

Nope. Not the case.

So now I have been searching, on Etsy, for the "ultimate" set of mugs. I only want two, but they should be adorable, totally "me", and oversized. (Because who likes to drink tiny cups of anything? Get real.)

Here are some I have found that I like but am not 100% sure about just yet...

I think these are super adorable, and I love the speckled stoneware look. It reminds me of diner coffee cups, which I also love. The only downside is that they're really teeny. Better for espresso, but I had something bigger in mind...

These are also adorable, but I looked really closely at them and decided they looked too 'handmade'. I know, it's a silly thing to be picky about when I'm shopping from a handmade website, right? But I never said I was logical...

I am a kid at heart in that I love swings. And I am also a worrier at heart (duh, everyone who reads my blog is saying...!) so I do need an occasional reminder to think happy thoughts. But this for some reason seems more like the type of mug that would grace a cubicle, rather than a kitchen...

These mugs are my favorite so far--they're haiku's written by the artist, inspired by tea and jazz. Each mug is named after a jazz or blues singer: Ella, Etta, Billie, Lena, Dinah. I like ALL of the haiku's, so I'd have a hard time picking a favorite. (Although my first choices were Ella and Billie...they're all kind of...well, steamy, no pun intended.)

I think I'd be most likely to purchase these mugs, but I'm a little put off that they're only 8 oz. They look bigger!

Simple, yet accurate. And at 11 oz, now we're talking! But it's not exactly what I had in mind for a set of mugs. A mug I use only when writing? Absolutely.

I'm still searching...let me know if you find anything good!

Real*Love, Etsy edition, part one!

2011-09-20T21:14:00.000-04:00

I have to admit, part of the beauty of Etsy is that you find things you never knew you secretly loved.

For instance, I have certain things I search for specifically on etsy: birds, cherry blossoms, coffee, sushi, and the color mustard (or goldenrod) yellow.

I try not to frequent the site too frequently. Mostly, because I fall in love with items quickly and because I don't "need" these things, I can't justify the purchases--which kills me, because some of the things are just beautiful. And frankly, I WANT THEM.

And without further ado, I bring you things I have been lusting over. (This will be a two-parter, so stay tuned!)

I don't personally wear a lot of screenprinted t-shirts (or t-shirts in general, really), but as a writer and typewriter lover, I'm a big fan of this one. And the shop, LuckyLucyStyle, has a lot of cute screen printed things.

Screen printed scarves? Yeah, I'd wear those. I've actually been following Pretty Raccoon's shop for a long time. Screen printed tunic dresses are pretty awesome, too.

And the cherry blossom obsession continues! I love the simple elegance of this print. I think I'll buy it eventually, or something similar. I want to put some pretty pictures in small, mismatched frames on the wall soon.

All the fun of tattoos without the pain, or the permanence! I love these cute tights, but they don't make them in Casper White, unfortunately. (They do have a bunch of other styles, I recommend checking them out here.)

I just realized this is only a pillow cover, not an actual pillow, which ruined it a little for me...but, the design is so cute I'm willing to still consider it. The only immediate issue I see? It will be covered in cat hair in a matter of seconds. Major Tom sheds like it's his job.

Cherry blossoms and a bird, COMBINED? Surely, this pillow was made for me!

Okay, and so although I don't really smoke anymore (I may or may not have two packs of American Spirits in my car--for emergencies only!) I still love the imagery of it, and this photo captures it perfectly. These are actually a set of 5 note cards, but I think I would just frame one and call it a day.

Stay tuned for my next Real*Love Etsy edition!

A week (or so) in photos:

2011-09-17T15:55:00.000-04:00

Okay, so really this is only from the past two days, but, still. You know me. I don't get out much :)

Here's the thing, folks. I HATE summer. I can't stand being hot and sticky. I hate shorts, I hate the sun, I hate mosquitoes. I'm not a fan of swimming outdoors or barbecues or really anything summer related. (Except maybe the fact that it stays darker later, and it is acceptable to constantly be eating ice cream.)

Yesterday was an unbelievably gorgeous day. It felt like the first day of fall, and immediately it made me want to run out and pick apples and drink cider and play in leaf piles and wear hoodies and carve pumpkins and...well, you know the deal. I really hope this weather lasts. We haven't had a good fall in a while, they've all been too rainy, or the seasons have seemed to have gone straight from summer to winter.

I got in some much needed novel-writing time on the back deck of my boyfriend's house while he was at work. It was a pretty nice spot, and I love having no laptop and hence, no distractions.

It also made me painfully aware that I DO NOT OWN ENOUGH WARM CLOTHING. Bleh. I hit up the mall in search of some cheap fall sweaters. Didn't find too much, but got a pair of leggings from H&M. (If you're looking for the perfect pair of leggings, give them a try. They are sooo soft and thin without being see-through. My favorite.) And an orange knitted hat. (In fall, my color pallet takes a sharp left turn from my general purple/olive green/burgundy/teal, and careens towards burnt orange, goldenrod and brown!)

Today I spent most of my day cleaning and listening to music. The house, of course, smells amazing and appropriately fall-like. (Although, I am beginning to wonder if Yankee Candle makes a "hay" scented candle. I drove by someone spreading hay in his field today and the smell that hit me was just so quintessentially fall!)

I was sucked in by Revlon's marketing scheme for it's "Just Bitten" lip stain. (I equally place blame on my friend Mary, who I just noticed the other day was wearing lipstain, and it looked so natural yet amazing.) Anyway, the color came out this deep berry shade, way darker than what was listed on the tube, and it also was sucked in unevenly (as you can probably tell) by my dehydrated lips. Not cool. I'm going to hydrate for a few days and see if that makes a difference...and then back to the store it goes. I'll try a lighter shade, but this seems like a bust. Boo.

I needed new black flats for work. These were screaming at me to buy them. And since they were the same price as the plain black flats, why not? I also found some adorable heeled booties for fall. I stood, tormented by indecision for about a half hour while the sales girl laughed at me--before my mom texted me and told me she'd buy both pairs for me. Be jealous, folks. My mom is the best ever.

Happy fall from me and Major Tom!

The world of one.

2011-09-15T17:44:00.000-04:00

So, obviously it's impractical to own, say, one pair of socks, or underwear, or something like that.

But what about owning just one of everything else? Granted, if you entertain a lot or have a big family this is next to impossible. But for someone like me, it seems to be a good idea.

See, when it comes to dishes especially I can get really lazy. I had a rule when I first moved out of my house--I'd bring ONE BOWL (...to rule them all...) and use it exclusively.

This is the bowl in question. It's still kinda my favorite...

But you know, there was a time when it became "practical" for me to beg my mother for a set of plates, bowls, mugs...etc. Y'know. And they came in handy cuz I had parties and stuff and actually cooked dinners. But now they simply mean I leave them in the sink and they get gross.

(Side note: If you're lazy like me, I think you should be warned: Let's say you have a sink full of dirty dishes, some fruit flies that accompany them, and you've discovered that bleach kills fruit flies. DO NOT stop up your sink, fill it with hot water and bleach, and leave town for three days. It killed the fruit flies, sure. You know what it also did? IT KILLED MY PLATES. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I had to throw most of my stuff out because everything that was soaking became covered in this sticky substance that would NOT wash off no matter how much soap, bleach and water I used. You have been warned.)

Anyway. So the bonus of having wrecked my own dishes is that now I'm back down to my one bowl. Maybe two spoons, a fork, 2 or 3 knives. I am forced to wash my dishes because they have to be washed unless I want to starve. This works for me. I find myself wondering what else I could cut down on to simplify my life.

Clothes? Yep. I have a pretty standard "outfit" that I can usually be found wearing. Leggings, boots and a dress. Sometimes leggings, boots and shorts and a t-shirt. Very occasionally, when I am feeling very lazy and maybe even a little gross, I'll wear jeans. (I honestly want to buy one pair of really hot designer jeans and throw out all my others--I usually wear one pair over and over again, so they might as well be nice!)

I go through my clothes once every couple of months, with my main focus being on downsizing. Somehow I still have tonssss of clothing. (And not enough fall sweaters...hmm.)

I downsized all my books (except for the autographed ones, and the first edition vonnegut!) when I got my Kindle. BUT, I have since been introduced to the beauty which is The Book Barn, and my bookshelves will never be empty again. Yikes.

You know how they say if you don't touch it/use it/look for it/miss it in a year, then you should get rid of it? Yeah. If i were to follow that advice, I would have practically no belongings. Maybe one day I'll follow it, but til then I can't spare my old photos and old writing!

If my job were a relationship.

2011-09-13T16:32:00.002-04:00

AN ACT OF FICTION.

Me: Best Buy, we need to talk.
Best Buy: Uh oh.
Me: This thing we've got going on here? It just doesn't seem to be working out. I mean, it was fun while it lasted, but, lately it's just been more trouble than it's worth. I mean, be honest with me. Are you happy? Because I'm not.
Best Buy: No, I guess I'm not happy either.
Me: Good. You see? I mean, lately you've been giving me all kinds of mixed messages: 'order product', 'no, you aren't allowed to order product', 'shelve The Big Bang Theory', 'no, actually, that Big Bang Theory has the wrong SKU. Hold it in the back room'. And when I need you--like, really, really need you--you don't even bother to return my calls.
Best Buy: I'm sorry. I've been experiencing increased call volume.
Me: And even when you do call me back, you answer my questions wrong. Or don't even answer them at all. You just aren't listening to me anymore.
Best Buy: You know, I know what would fix this. We could bring in another person...
Me: No. Stop. Didn't you see Chasing Amy? Threesomes never fix anything, they only make things worse. How am I supposed to show someone what you like when I can't even make you happy myself?
Best Buy: But then there wouldn't be so much pressure on you.
Me: Best Buy, you aren't listening. I'm already getting it from every direction. I know you talk badly about me to your friends, I've overheard it. And you know what? That's fine. I understand you need to vent. But they're making this hard for me, too. When I put something away, they move it. When I throw something out, they dig it out of the trash. They're working against me, not with me. Any new person we brought in would be doing the same thing. It's not going to help. I think maybe we should take a break.
Best Buy: [scoffs] A break. Right. No one ever really 'takes a break'.
Me: I'm sorry. I've tried, really. But I can't keep doing this.
Best Buy: You won't go. You can't. You need me too much.
Me: [long hesitation] Look. I didn't want it to be like this, but...I've been talking to some people.
Best Buy: You've what? Who? What's his name?!
Me: It's nothing like that. I mean, not yet anyway. I don't know what will happen, but I just thought you should know up front.
Best Buy: [angry silence]
Me: Look, it's not you, it's me...oh God, I've always hated that line. It's such a crock of shit. It IS me, okay? I know I deserve better than this. I'm sorry. It's the harsh reality of it all. You've treated me like this for too long.
Best Buy: It's only been two months! Please, I can change.
Me: It's been two months too long. Ugh.
Best Buy: [Silence, pleading eyes.]
Me: This has been sufficiently awkward. I'll sleep on the couch from now on.
Best Buy: But...
Me: Look, I'll be out of your way as soon as I can. But I don't want to talk about it anymore.

(In real life, my break up conversations sound absolutely nothing like this. They usually begin with, "Oh my God, I'm going to throw up." I am nothing if not overly dramatic at times. But no, seriously I really do get nauseous when people break up with me!)

Tiffany's.

2011-09-07T19:53:00.005-04:00

(I was trying to get some writing done, and instead this conversation between Holly and Paul came to mind. Sidetracked. Blog post. This counts as writing, right?)

Holly Golightly: What do you do, anyway?
Paul Varjak: I'm a writer, I guess.
Holly Golightly: You guess? Don't you know?
Paul Varjak: OK, positive statement. Ringing affirmative. I'm a writer.
Holly Golightly: The only writer I've ever been out with is Benny Shacklett. He's written
an awful lot of television stuff, but quel rat. Tell me, are you a real writer? I mean, does
anybody buy what you write or publish it or anything?

Paul Varjak:  They bought what's in that box.

Holly Golightly:  Yours?

Paul Varjak:  Mm hmm.

Holly Golightly:  All these books?
Paul Varjak:  There's just one book, 12 copies of it.

Holly Golightly:  "Nine Lives, by Paul Varjak."  They're stories.

Paul Varjak:  Mm hmm.  Nine of them.
Holly Golightly:  Tell me one.

Paul Varjak: They're not the kind of stories you can really tell.

Holly Golightly: Too dirty?

Paul Varjak: Yeah, I suppose they're dirty, too, but only incidentally. Mainly they're angry, sensitive, intensely felt, and that dirtiest of all dirty words - promising. Or so said The Times Book Review, October 1, 1956.

Breakfast at Tiffany's used to be one of my favorite movies, but I can't pinpoint exactly why.

My relationship with the film is strange now, however, as one of my exes for some reason used to throw the

character of Holly Golightly back in my face constantly.

"You want your life to be just like Breakfast at Tiffany's."  He'd say, nearly 50% of the times we fought.

Which makes even less sense to me now than it did then. Holly Golightly and Paul Varjak were both prostitutes. She was always throwing big parties and going out nights, but ultimately she was trying to marry for money and be taken care of. None of this comes close to describing me.

If I had to be one of them, I'd probably be Paul Varjak anyway. At least he was a writer...I guess :) And he just kind of exists and lets things happen to him, rather than shaking things up like Holly does. That seems a little more my speed.

I watched the movie the other day for the first time in years, and I still can't make the connection that he saw. Out of all the chick flicks I had subjected him to, he thinks Holly Golightly was the character I wanted to be? I mean, granted, he was off-base with much of the things he had to say about me. But this one baffles me to this day.

The only thing I can really relate to that Holly says?

Holly Golightly: Poor cat! Poor slob! Poor slob without a name! The way I see it I haven't got the right to give him one. We don't belong to each other. We just took up one day by the river. I don't want to own anything until I find a place where me and things go together. I'm not sure where that is but I know what it is like. It's like Tiffany's.

(And that was why I named my poor old white car Cat.)

ZOMG, I am alive.

2011-09-02T14:09:00.000-04:00

Haven't had too much to blog about lately. I survived a hurricane, even though I live less than 10 feet from a river. I was lucky to not have any flooding. People throughout the state are still without power, though. Mine only flickered and went out for a minute or two. Yay!

Going back to school soon, even though for a long time I thought that I wouldn't be returning. I'm so close to finishing that I've just gotta push through!

My new job has turned out to be a bit overwhelming. The company has us all understaffed and over worked. Out of the eight people who were in my training class, today only three of us remain. I'm keeping an eye out for something new (again, ugh!) in case things don't improve there.

I really just want to open a coffee shop or a vintage clothing store or something. Or a combined coffee shop/bookstore/vintage clothing store. That has poetry readings and karaoke nights and open mic nights...

It would be awesome, but I'm not in a good area for it AND I have no start up money. So. Yeah. Plus I can't imagine opening a business in this economy is a great idea.

NO.

2011-08-17T18:58:00.000-04:00

So I decided today that by handing in my V card (my vegetarian card! what were you thinking?! Pervs!) it's really not going to be a good thing for my health. Being a vegetarian may have been at times expensive and difficult, but you know what? It kept me from eating fast food.

Today I had a Whopper Jr. With cheese. And fries. And a Sprite. And ranch sauce.

...and I didn't know who I was anymore.

This might not seem like a big deal to some people. So what? You had a little fast food. Everyone does.

But I had not eaten red meat in over two years. And I hadn't had soda in over two years. French fries in...oh, months. I'm gonna say at least 6 months. And I don't even LIKE ranch sauce!

(As a sidenote? The Whopper was positively not as delicious as I remembered it to be. I remember a smoky, "flame grilled" flavor, but it was missing. Bummer.)

There were many reasons why I became a vegetarian in the first place. People would always ask me why, and it was really hard for me to answer them succinctly because I mean...really, as far as I see it, the reasons to be a vegetarian far outnumber the reasons to not be.

First, my obvious love of animals. I don't like to think of them dying, whether or not it's for my plate or not. Secondly, for health reasons. I knew it would help me drop some weight, and it did. And third, for...well, I guess extended health reasons. I mean, not only did it keep me away from fast food, but it also took the guesswork out of what am I eating and where did it come from?

I mean, really. Watch Food, Inc. Look, I'll even link you to their site. Basically, between the terrible treatment of animals, the hormones, the antibiotics...I mean, meat just doesn't seem "healthy". And then there's the people who are killed from contaminated meat...so now people are injecting ammonia into meat to make it "safer"?

Honestly.

Oh, and then there's the fact that the digestive system isn't even set up to HANDLE meat. Our colons are too long--the meat ferments inside before we can expel it. (To be perfectly honest I don't know what difference that makes, exactly...but hey, it sounds like a good argument, right?)

But whatever. Anyway.

So I think my new thing is to be a sometimes-vegetarian. I would prefer not to eat meat entirely, but, in the event that I know the source of the meat (i.e: I buy it myself from a human certified, non-hormone, non-antibiotic, grass-fed, free-range, fair trade...blah blah you get the idea...) I will consume it for "health reasons".

(Funny how that works, isn't it? I have health reasons for not consuming it, and health reasons for consuming it as well.)

But either way--this means NO fast food meat! Even if a chicken sandwich does cost a dollar, and a veggie burger costs over $3... :(

You're going to hate me for this...

2011-08-14T17:23:00.000-04:00

Or: Things I can't write on Facebook, lest I want to lose at least 100 friends...

But I realized today that beyond not "getting" why everyone is so obsessed with Lady Gaga...

...I actually don't think I like her. at. all. And, I gave her a chance. More than a chance, actually. Some of her tunes are catchy, but she, as a person, kind of freaks me out.

(To put that in prospective for you? Marilyn Manson does not freak me out.)

And I mean...it's like she sat down with her agent and was like, "I want my "thing" to be that I'm as bizarre as possible. Can we do that?" (And okay, while Manson might have done the exact same thing, at least he was a) a shock rocker and b) reasonably goth/punk styled. His style had roots. Gaga's style? If she's not ripping off Madonna or Manson himself, she is wearing a DRESS MADE OF MEAT. As a vegetarian*, I am required by law to protest this.)

And then the media/public started a rumor (??) that she was a transsexual. And she runs with it.

I know Gaga fans are totally hardcore about her, and would probably quite literally fight to the death for her, if it came down to it--but I feel like she's exploiting them in a way, with Born This Way, at least.

I mean, I guess there's nothing wrong with knowing your audience and catering to them. But something about the way she does it...the way she does everything...just really puts me off her.

I would really, really love for her to tone it down a little. This over-the-topness just makes me feel like she is trying too hard, and that she's maybe even uncomfortable with who she is. I would LOVE to see her shoot a video, a la Gwen Stefani's(since she seems to have no problems with "taking influence from" other stars...) Underneath video.

Y'all remember that one?

No?

Well here.

(Fast forward to 3:00 to understand my point here.)

Barefaced. Normal. Real. Jumping on a damn bed in the sunshine. There's a reason why Gwen Stefani is still a nice, well adjusted human after being a rockstar. I think it's because she had moments like these.

(image 1) (image 2)

*I am currently attempting to not be a vegetarian any longer. I have had chicken both today and yesterday, and it has not yet made me ill. I'm not sure if this being-a-carnivore thing is going to stick around, though. I'm still not 100% comfortable with the idea of it...

Contest winner!!

2011-08-05T12:24:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone!

Sorry about the delay on picking a winner! I’ve been super busy lately between work and getting this sweet new ride... that I completely forgot until my mom (who is a reader—hi mom!) reminded me.

So the winner of the UPrinting poster contest is…. commenter 2, Lady KT!

Congrats lady! I need to send your info to the UPrinting people today so please get it to me ASAP. You can email it to ARTWonderland@gmail.com Thanks! J

Blog giveaway!

2011-07-29T20:52:00.000-04:00

It's Giveaway Time!!

The lovely people at Uprinting.com have generously offered this giveaway for us!

What 1 lucky reader will win:

A 18" x 24" Poster (you design your own!) with either semi-gloss or high-gloss.

1 business day turnaround time.

(This is approximately a $35 value.)

I've checked out their template tool and it seems pretty straightforward and easy to use--just drag and drop!

This is a great giveaway for anyone with a small business, photographers, models...or anyone who can appreciate a really awesome poster :) I know I can!

How To Enter:

On the right side of my blog, you'll see a Facebook widget. All you have to do is:

"like" me on Facebook
leave me a comment on this post letting me know you've done so.

(If you've already liked me on Facebook, thanks! You can still enter by posting a comment here, just be sure to let me know you've already liked me.)

When Will I Know If I Won?

I'll pick a winner on Thursday, August 4th! This is coming up FAST, so be sure to act soon!
I'll be using that lovely randomizer thingy at random.org.

Disclaimer & Restrictions:

This giveaway is sponsored by UPrinting, no monetary compensation was given and I will receive a poster for hosting. Check out UPrinting.com to see more of their poster, poster sizes and poster templates.

Good luck everyone!

A week in photos:

2011-07-25T19:27:00.000-04:00

I start every morning by mixing all of these ingredients together, plus water and ice cubes, with various delicious results. The espresso machine was a birthday present from my boyfriend. (Yup. It's officially official now.) It was the perfect gift.

I got a pedicure from a little shop down the street a few days ago. It's important to get pedicures regularly if you are on your feed for long periods of time during the day, which I will be. I went with a pretty blue polish this time, which is very different than my usual dark purple. I wanted a robin's egg blue, but they didn't have it. This turned out to be close enough. :)

Did you ever notice how all bloggers seem to have slightly unique, endearing titles for their male counterparts? Boyfriend, Mr. Boyfriend, Mister, The Boy, The Mister, etcetecetc. I haven't come up with one of those yet. I'm at a loss over here. Suggestions?
Either way, he took me to Mystic this past weekend and we poked around the little shops there. It was touristy in a Salem kind of way, which I always like. (This picture is from the drive there. Didn't take any at Mystic.)

...we even asked Zoltan to tell us our fortune. He wasn't terribly helpful. But, I didn't wake up in the morning and realize I was Tom Hanks, so he wasn't completely unhelpful, either.

I've started my new job, ugly work clothes and all. So far, it seems to be going very well.

There's a Trader Joe's next to my training store! This made my day, and meant I got brown rice sushi for lunch. Not pictured, as I gobbled it pretty fast.

Chili's has margaritas for $3.95, which were NOT consumed as quickly as today's sushi was. For some reason, these took so long to drink that they seemed almost bottomless. I completely recommend them.

I promised him I wouldn't post this on Facebook. But this is not Facebook. (He is trying my Mojito, by the way. Not double fisting.)

My cat might be super noisy, but he is adorable. (And blurry.)

Side note: As I write this, it is 5:30. I would JUST be getting out of work normally. Instead, I worked a 7 hour day, had a meeting with an admissions counselor at a nearby school, hung out, cleaned a little, wrote this blog...! I like this getting-out-at-1:00-PM stuff.

And knowing is half the battle!

2011-07-14T19:59:00.000-04:00

So, my mother sent me a youtube link today. (Because my mother is just discovering new technology, and she is awesome, and this video is awesome. And she knows I love musicals.)

My favorite lines:

"...but it's seven characters too long."
"Watch the ads and it's almost like paying."
"Now I can't wait to read about me later on your blog."

Whiccch brings me to the reason my blog has been neglected lately. As I am SURE you all have figured from previous posts, I am not a private person. At all. I would blog about pretty much anything. BUT, I try to respect other people's privacy. And sometimes it's so freaking hard for me to figure out what someone else's "acceptable level of sharing" is, that I think it's better for me just to say nothing rather than screw up and make someone uncomfortable.

So, yeah, I've been saying nothing.

(But if I were to say something, I would say that I'm kinda seeing someone. And I say kinda because it's nothing exactly official yet (?!?!?). And I say yet (?!?!?) because I like to try not to be overly optimistic at moments like these, because as any frequent blog reader knows, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and then people like to stomp on it. But anyway, he is pretty awesome, and we've been seeing a lot of each other, which is why I haven't been blogging much lately. So now you know.)

A "writer" problem...

2011-07-04T17:15:00.000-04:00

I often jot down little thoughts onto scraps of paper, and then find them later and type them out. Usually I have an idea of where their placement belongs in a story I'm writing.

Quite a bit though, I run into the problem of finding these scraps of paper years later. Once I found one that read simply,

And I'll say, "Don't ask me. I don't know any highways."

I wanted to use it somewhere, but I was paranoid that it wasn't my own actual creation--thinking perhaps it was a song lyric that I had scribbled down, but not bothered to quote. I Googled it like mad and never did find it used previously--so I think it actually does "belong to me". I think it was actually something I had said when I first began driving--because people would tell me, "Oh, you just take 91 South..." and I would tell them, "I don't know any highways."

Today, I found this one:

There will always be a reason to cry, as long as tears exist. This is part of the human condition.

Same problem. No quotations, no citation, no nothing. Did I write this? Google again is not being very helpful. Is it safe to use in my own work?

I never want to plagiarize. But do courtrooms make allowances for accidental plagiarizing?

Does this kind of thing happen to anyone else?

First time for everything...

2011-07-01T13:08:00.001-04:00

So I have this friend on Facebook...and whenever he updates or I look at his photos or whatever, I'm filled with this horrible sense of dread and embarrassment.

You see, one time, God, maybe even three or four years ago now, he drove me and my then-boyfriend to a housewarming party of a mutual friend.

There weren't really many people I knew there and I was feeling pretty shy, so when this super drunk and extremely outgoing girl came up to me and asked me to dance with her, I replied, "I am not drunk enough to dance."

She took it as her new calling in life to be certain to get me as drunk as possible, as quickly as possible. She poured me glass after glass of Dr. Pepper and vodka, explaining to me each time: "It has a blend of 23 flavors. You won't even taste the vodka."

And she was right, I didn't.

I didn't taste the vodka in the first Dr. Pepper.
I didn't feel drunk.
I didn't taste the vodka in the second Dr. Pepper. Or the third.
I didn't taste the vodka when we ran OUT of Dr. Pepper and it was suddenly just a glass full of vodka.
I also didn't dance with her, as she passed out in a corner soon after.
I also didn't remember 99% of the party the next day.

But I do remember getting into the car to drive home and vomiting after the first five minutes. I tried really hard to roll down the window and keep the car clean, but apparently I was not entirely successful.

I was so embarrassed about it all, I started crying. Just trying to go out and have some fun for once and instead I just puke everywhere and cry and make a fool of myself.

The night just got worse from there. I got dropped off at home and continued to be unbearably sick. My body just had no idea what I had done to it--or why. I mean, I never even danced! The events of the night took a turn and became so embarrassing for everyone involved (not just me! huzzah!) that I'm actually sworn to secrecy about them.

But yeah, that was the first time I ever threw up from drinking. It is also the reason I can't look at this dude's Facebook without cringing. Yikes.

I apologized profusely afterwards and he assured me it was fine, just that I was going to be his designated driver next time. But we never hung out again, and to this day I feel a little responsible.

[I just don't understand how college girls do this every weekend. Does this embarrassment eventually wear off if you throw up in the cars of/on/in front of enough people?]

Learning and applying are two different things.

2011-06-22T18:10:00.000-04:00

I learned a long time ago that I'm an ice cream archaeologist.

Whenever I buy any type of ice cream with a "swirl" in it (we're talking the peanut butter in Turkey Hill's Peanut Butter Chocolate, swirls of that nature) I suddenly find myself chasing the swirls around the carton.

"I'll only have a bite or two..." I tell myself.

But I get wrapped up in excavation.

I just bought a pint of some delicious coffee/caramel ice cream with a chocolate swirl. I'm getting my bottom two wisdom teeth out next Thursday, so I figured I ought to stock up.

But when I got back home I realized I had forgotten to buy peanut butter and jelly...and I wanted something sweet.

"I'll only have a bite or two..." I told myself again. "I have to save this for next week."

But that damn swirl has gotten the better of me yet again. I will never learn.

image

Real*Love

2011-06-08T01:00:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty much head over heels for just about all of these items!

Rare Editions Black Pageant Easter Paris Dress

Seriously, can we talk about having this dress made in adult sizes? Because how freaking adorable is that! I would wear it all the time. Someone, find me some fabric and I'll get a-sewin'...

Elite Cuisine 3-in-1 Breakfast Station

This is an awesome idea for people in tiny apartments (or college dorms, or efficiencies...hell, maybe even RVs...). I would definitely buy this for myself if A) I actually cooked and B) I wasn't picky as hell about my coffee.

Again, if I actually COOKED I'd definitely pick this up. A heart shaped casserole dish? How can you go wrong?

The Basic Human Kindness Address Book

Although I don't really have a need for an address book (does anyone anymore?) I do love this cover. I might just print it out and hang it on my wall.

That's all for now! What are on your personal Real*Love lists right now? C'mon...I know you've got them too!

Bummer.

2011-06-03T23:18:00.000-04:00

I've been intensely lucky lately. Fate has been looking out for me.

Exhibit A: I was driving with Lauren and we were stopped at a red light. It was late at night and no one was around, and I stopped to light a cigarette. The light turned green, but my cigarette hadn't caught fire yet, so I waited a few extra seconds before stepping on the gas...and a car came blowing through a red light at at least 80 MPH and cut me off. If I had gone exactly when the light turned green, I would have been very sorry.

Exhibit B: Only a day or two later, I was driving to work with Aaron and we were stopped at a red light. The light turned green and I was about to go, except there was a little fruit fly that was trying to get in my window so I waved it off. A second later, just as I was stepping on the gas, a car came flying down the road in front of me. We don't even know where they came from (as far as we could tell, they were going the wrong way down a one way street) and they definitely would have hit me.

Exhibits C and D: I was making a long, late night trip through CT in some really dense fog, when a deer crossed the road in front of me. I didn't see it until I was nearly on top of it, but luckily it was in the next lane over so I was in the clear. But I couldn't help thinking...If I had left just a few seconds earlier...! Similarly, I was driving to pick up Lauren when a deer apparently decided to be really stupid and just darted in front of me and then continued to run IN my lane. I barely had enough time to slam on my brakes.

Exhibit E:

YEP. That's a tornado. It blew through ALL the towns that surround me and did really extensive damage in the city I work in. It blew right by my office building and everything. About 95% of the cars that park in my parking lot had their windows blown out due to the pressure and flying debris. BUT, this all happened on a Wednesday. MY DAY OFF. So I somehow miraculously escaped all of it. (Except I was very worried when I couldn't reach Lauren or Mary for hours!) All my friends are fine, although Katie's mom was trapped in a store for hours, and a tree fell on the home of another friend.

So, while I am intensely grateful for who or whatever is looking out for me these days, I'm also just really bummed today. I am missing people that I have no business missing, stressed out looking for a new job and crossing my fingers I can make July's rent payment by some miracle. (Our pay is being drastically reduced at work, to the point where even if I can find a minimum wage job near my home, it will be a step up.)

In my ongoing quest to make life "just be easy for once", I am failing so far. But I hope whatever force is keeping me from getting sucked up by twisters has saved just a little good news to throw my way soon. I could use it.

Hi, hi, hi there....

2011-05-30T14:07:00.000-04:00

So, as it turns out I hadn't actually blogged about this yet (which is weird, as we all know I blog about everything!) but my best friend Lauren is home from Germany! Which means...I have a social life again, hurray!

(Me, Mary, Lauren, after a night of enjoying some fab sushi and watching Yo Gabba Gabba.)

This explains the almost total blog-abandonment. Sorry, readers. When you're without your best friend for six years, ya gotta make up for lost time :) Our nights have been mostly spent driving aimlessly, telling stories, singing loudly along with whatever comes on my iPod, smoking cigarettes (yeah, I've picked up the habit again...shame on me, I know) and grabbing the cheapest dinner we can find.

I've also been looking for new jobs, which is a long story but can be basically summed up as...my current job will be dropping us down to minimum wage starting June 6th. Which maybe I could handle, except for the fact that I have an hour commute each way every day (hello, have you seen these gas prices?), have to pay around $40 a month for parking, and my car lease is up around January/February. I've found some jobs that seem to be really good fits, so I'm hopeful. We'll see.

I'm also trudging my way through packet work for school, working on packet number three right now. I can't believe I'm already about halfway through the semester! Time has certainly been flying, and unfortunately I'm still not exactly adjusted to the schedule. As they say, "it's a process"!

All for now.

You and I. We're just bittersweet.

2011-05-24T00:07:00.000-04:00

So, a little while ago I had this someone.

I didn't have him long enough for him to really be called anything, not really, just a someone. But still, he was influential to me in a big way. Made me realize and value a lot about myself. Made me see how I deserved to be treated. This was all mostly good, except how he went away, which of course hurt. Was slightly expected, but hurt all the same...hurt us both, because we all get our hopes up, don't we? Even in the face of adversity.

But I look back on him fondly, if with a bit of sadness for what might have been.

I heard from him today for the first time in a while, and he said what was maybe the most honest breakdown of the situation I've heard from him yet, and the thing I really need to take away from this all:

"I didn't expect to meet you. I wanted to be, but I wasn't ready."

It might not sound like much, but that statement turned out to be pretty important to me. Part of me suspected he wasn't ready, but needed that confirmation. And the fact that he "wanted to be" ready is complimentary enough for me to be able to take something positive away from the whole mess.

In which I am bummed, again. And use a lot of quotations.

2011-05-11T01:40:00.000-04:00

I have to say. If "good things come to those who wait", "everything happens for a reason", "this too shall pass" and there is a such thing as karma...

The universe has GOT to be gearing up to throw something REALLY AWESOME my way sometime soon.

I'm very tired, in the love department at least, of things not working out. If I'm as awesome as everyone says I am, and I have all these amazing qualities that "will make someone happy one day", and if I'm "so beautiful and sweet [I] must have guys lining up", WHY does shit continue to be difficult and try my patience?

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I know I'm not. But I try really hard to be a good, honest person and do the right thing--for everyone--in every situation. I work hard, have always worked hard, and while sure, like anyone else I can at times be bitchy and insecure...I still fail to see why it is I deserve...this.

And I know, I know. I have a job and a car and an apartment and a cat and my best friend just moved home and I'm in school and blahblah. These are all good things.

But I wear my heart on my sleeve throughout all this. And I would just like to know when the universe is going to stop stomping on it and give me a break. Honestly, universe. I'm not asking for a lot. I'm pretty easy to please. You know that saying, "a woman in love could sleep on a board"? That's me.

My entire month of April was amazing, and I am so grateful for that. I learned a lot about myself, things I had forgotten. I woke up. But as Frank Sinatra says, "riding high in April, shot down in May", and it was true for me this year. I had the "ignorance is bliss" rug yanked out from under me.

And it's all so crazy and sometimes I really just cry and think, "this was never supposed to happen to me". At 19 I thought I had all this shit figured out, you know? I had found the person I loved (and looking back, even though I know that our relationship had it's faults, I can say with all honesty that we were REALLY in love with each other) and we had our wedding planned. I thought everything was sorted out.

And nearly 10 years later I feel more lost than ever before.

In which I sound a little crazy.

2011-05-04T14:10:00.000-04:00

What are the karmatic implications of owning a house pet? (and furthermore, why is "karmatic" not a word?)

This just struck me today as I was listening to "Major Tom (Coming Home)" by Peter Schilling. (This is not the song my cat Major Tom is named after, however. I am quite loyal to David Bowie.) The line, "Give my wife my love" of course made me think of my cat singing to his cat-wife. (Because I am slightly nuts.)

And then it occurred to me.

He will never get outdoors (if I can help it) or meet another cat. He will never have friends of the same species or experience romantic or physical love.

And why is this? Because of me. I am essentially keeping a (domesticated) prisoner.

What does this mean for my own love life? For my own social life? Are all pet owners dooming themselves to lonely and secluded lives?

In which I talk to myself.

2011-04-30T22:51:00.000-04:00

So, as you might have guessed, I live alone now. Well, with my cat. Which is totally cool and fine. I'm liking it actually. If I put something down, it's exactly where I left it when I get back. If something is misplaced or a mess, I have no one to blame but myself. It's great.

This being said, I have spent an ungodly amount of time on the telephone and texting lately. And I also tend to talk to myself. (I did that before, but now it may have increased.)

Today, my stubborn ass was trying to put together a vacuum cleaner without any tools. Because I don't actually own any tools. And my stubborn ass refuses to spend money on them because, seriously, WHEN am I going to need them?

Well, except for putting together this vacuum cleaner.
And my new bicycle.

Oh, whatever. I can clearly enlist the help of others.

Or just use my hands.

Today, I chose the latter. I figured it wasn't a big deal, it was only one screw that secured the handle to the rest of the vacuum. No biggie. So I fussed with it a little and was able to screw it in without a screwdriver. I wiggled the handle. Pretty stable.

"HA!" I yelled, triumphant. "Take that, vacuum! I don't need any stinkin' tools."

Then I pushed the vacuum forward maybe a quarter of an inch, and the handle fell off in my hand, the screw shooting out and rolling across the floor.

It was one of those moments where I could only shake my head. And then tweet about it.

A story in three photos.

2011-04-27T12:30:00.000-04:00

I have been incredibly fortunate lately and have attended some really wonderful shows, both on Broadway and off. I've seen Bebe Neuwirth perform in Addams Family and Victor Garber (my current muse) perform in Defying Gravity for the New York City Opera.

But I have this really bad habit of getting over-excited as the performance begins, and I remain so through the entire first act. I clamp my Playbill over my face as shown. My excited breath fogs up and heats up the Playbill...

Which results in the ink rubbing off. ALL OVER MY FACE.

(So in short, if you see me in NYC with ink smeared all over my face, odds are I've just seen an amazing show.)

(Also: Please excuse my hair, but note my fabulous manicure. I have been very sick lately and in bed.)

Real*Love

2011-04-24T17:50:00.001-04:00

I should be doing homework, but instead I can't help but bring you another edition of Real*Love.

Inkadinkado Love Birds Wood Mounted Rubber Stamp

I am absolutely in love with these little love birds! It's playing right into my ongoing bird obsession. I'm thinking of buying this rubber stamp, but I'm not even sure what I'd use it for. Maybe I'll just steal the image and hang it on my wall instead. So damn cute!

I love these Rubis Swiss tweezers. They might not look like anything special, but they're "Swiss" and they're full of holes!! Like swiss cheese!

I don't know if someone did that intentionally, but I appreciated it anyway.

And also, this video by Mika. I love it!

Okay, that's all I've got for now. Just a mini update of sorts, I guess. Gotta get back to work! :)

Learning something about myself.

2011-04-23T14:16:00.000-04:00

When I have absolutely no idea what's going on, my typical response is "FULL SPEED AHEAD!"

I guess I think it's better to throw caution to the wind and learn things, then to sit around and try to figure things out but never really be sure.

This has bitten me in the ass once before. But I'm bouncing back.

Like Baz Luhrmann said, "Do one thing every day that scares you."

Today is taken care of.

Sickness and a pricing fail...

2011-04-15T21:45:00.000-04:00

So, as I mentioned, I got my top two wisdom teeth out and my past few days have been slightly pain-filled (thank God for Vicodin) but today I started getting a cold which just made everything worse. :( I guess my immune system had been fighting this one off, but was weakened due to the surgery. I hope this passes quickly.

Just a note to show you something funny I found at work...a total pricing fail if there ever was one:

You may need to click to make that a little bigger...but they actually RAISED the price beyond retail, but crossed it out to make it look like you're getting a deal. Good job.

I am paying you to do a service, not to yell at me like I'm your child.

2011-04-13T15:54:00.000-04:00

I got my top two wisdom teeth out today.

Of course, this had been something I had been dreading for years. I'd quite literally put it off since I was a teenager. I figured hey--they didn't hurt, so why bother? I'd like to keep my teeth in my mouth.

But, eleven years later I'm struck with this interesting fact about wisdom teeth. Left unattended, wedged all the way in the back of your mouth, there? They rot. That's what they do. It's not pleasant.

So I made my appointment, split the actual event in two (the top two were priority--also the cheapest) and went in today, scared shitless but being brave.

They sat me down, took away my sweater (and of course it was freezing in there), took off my glasses (yay, now I am completely blind) wedged my head back in the chair and started giving me Novocaine shots. It actually wasn't so bad.

Then the dentist asked, "So you didn't take your Ativan this morning?"
(She had written a prescription for me to calm me down.)
Numbly, with a mouth that felt like it had lumps coming out of it from all sides, I managed to say, "No, I took it."
"Who drove you?" The assistant asked.
"I did." I answered.
"No," she repeated. "Who drove you?"
"I did." I said again.

At this, the dentist started freaking out. It all happened so fast that I'm not even sure what it was all about--she was yelling at me that I CANNOT take an Ativan and drive, and that I HAD BEEN TOLD that.

I told her I had called the receptionist a few days ago, specifically to ask if I was okay to drive myself. I rehashed the conversation, that went something like this: "I was able to find the Ativan bottle, so I'll take those...but I need you to fax me in another antibiotic. Is it okay if I drive myself if I'm only getting Novocaine?"

The receptionist said, "Yes."

Now, we could argue that sentence forever. I tried to cover all my bases, but apparently I worded it wrong. As soon as I re-told that sentence to my doctor, she flew at me, enraged and screaming. She got inches away from my face and just yelled at me, saying things like, "How dare you accuse my staff of..." and "If you ask a question like that..." and "My staff is not trained to..." I wasn't catching everything she was saying, but it was crazy. I can't think of a recent instance where I had felt so unsafe.

I cried.

I can't help it. I can be a pretty tough bitch at times. Funerals are nothing. Pain is nothing. But really...when my tears decide to come out, they're on a schedule all their own. And at this moment, it was their time.

The dentist sighed, loudly, angrily. Slamming stuff around behind me, she barked, "Let's get this over with."

All I could picture then was Orin from Little Shop of Horrors, choosing his most gruesome tools, working without sterilization or anesthetic. I suddenly didn't trust this angry lady to do ANYTHING short of cause me excruciating pain.

"No." I said, and sat straight up in the chair. My mind was going, this is ridiculous. I don't have to put up with this ridiculous treatment. I'm just going to leave and find another dentist.

But now I was met with an additional problem. Because they already knew I had taken an Ativan (which, by the way, is a mild sedative...VERY mild. It calmed my nerves but I was still wide awake and alert.) they weren't going to let me leave. [Liz Lemon gets a root canal on Valentine's Day, anyone?] So I had to put my tail between my legs and have them call my mother, who came to retrieve me.

By the time my mother got there, it was decided that since I really DID need my wisdom teeth out, and I had already paid, and was already numb, already had two days off and the appointment--that I'd go through with it. My hope was that with my mother there, maybe the dentist would take a slightly softer approach this time.

She did, my teeth popped out in under a minute. She hugged me and sort of apologized, saying that she had a 25 year old son and we're all the same.

I left feeling really angry and insulted. First of all, the label on the bottle says, "Take care while operating a car", which is not the same as "DO NOT DRIVE". Second of all, despite my fears, my tears (and the fact I had to call my mom...) I am NOT a child. Because your son and I are of similar ages doesn't mean you know shit about me.

(My mom told them she'd drive me home and then we swapped cars in the parking lot so I could take myself. I made it home FINE. Honestly, there was never any danger!)

I'm going to go back to this woman for my lower wisdom teeth as well. She comes very highly recommended and the surgery itself was quick and completely painless. But I really could have done without the...well, whatever the hell that was.

Please tell me I'm just too old to get the joke...

2011-04-12T21:07:00.000-04:00

While browsing facebook, I stumbled upon this photo:

(It has been cropped to hide the person's identity, and clearly for this reason, I am NOT going to provide photo credit. Deal with it.)

Now...it may be difficult to see what it says under the girls hair. Let me help you out with that.

My inmate looks better than yours.

I'm really just left blinking at this one. Really? Really? I don't even know where to begin.

I suppose if someone is serving under a false sentence, that's one thing. But do we really live in a day and age where we proudly flaunt that our man is doing time--and looking damn sexy while doing so?

I mean, believe me, I'm loyal to a fault. I'm all for supporting your loved ones in their times of need and during some pretty awful circumstances. But I wouldn't be wearing this shirt.

(Also: Are enough people buying these that there is a real market for them?)

I cannot even imagine what atrocity will come next.

/wet blanket signing out.

More kale and tofu than a vegetarian could stand...

2011-04-10T11:00:00.000-04:00

Or: 8 days of peace & music

I am back from Goddard now...and how the hell do I explain what just happened? It was a bizarre and intense experience that I suppose only happens when you throw the artsy, literary and intellectual people together for eight days, take away most forms of deodorant (direct quote from Meg: "Tom's of Maine can suck my dick!"), mix in some alcohol and see what you get. I have a feeling this is exactly what the 60's felt like.

I'm really not sure what just happened. I've come away from things different, with a very distinct feeling that although I am isolated at home--there are more people like me out there. I have never met so many kindred spirits.

There's disappointment, too. I may or may not have met a guy there...who may or may not have a girlfriend? I don't even know. I'm not naive...I'm just hopeful, and so often let down that now I find it hard to trust what people tell me, if there's any sign at all in opposition. I want to let go and live and trust. But I also don't want to get hurt and find myself foolish ever again. I wish I was one of those people who found their soulmate right away and never had to deal with this crap. It must have been so easy for them.

Speaking of soulmate, I was lucky enough to meet Meg (hi Meg!), who is awesome and lots of fun. We have deemed each other soulmates (maybe soulsister is more appropriate? but that makes me want to sing Lady Marmalade...) because we keep finding random things we have in common.

All in all, things are different now. I moved back home to an empty apartment, a very sad cat, a change in my self esteem, and a weird feeling about life in general. Not good, not bad, just...weird. It's going to take some sorting out, I think.

Oh, progressive college.

2011-04-05T23:14:00.000-04:00

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I chose this school.

But you know what? I can handle it. I'm really determined and it's going to happen. Even though because of my placement, it means I have to complete three projects this year that most people who just start out at a college don't have to do.

I've been really productive here, though, and the really difficult projects will serve to get me skipped ahead a semester, which means I'll graduate after a year and a half, saving myself probably $11,000 in the long run.

I hope I can keep up the productivity when I get home. It will be so worth it if I can, and so detrimental if I can't. I accept gifts of lattes and discouraging words* to keep me going.

*you read that right. for some reason, negative events light a fire under me much more so than positive encouragement. I have no idea what that says about me as a person, but I guess I'll take it.

Say "I love you" if you mean it.

2011-04-02T22:14:00.001-04:00

Warning:
I'm going to get a little bit deeper here than I usually do.

I've always been a very loving person, but over the years I have obviously, like everyone else, been hurt. Had my heart stomped on. Eh, it happens, right? Hindsight is 20/20. But, the problem is, sometimes you take just a little bit of that pain with you, without noticing it. It might affect you in weird ways.

My last relationship suffered from this. The most obvious side effect was that I found myself blaming him for mistakes that my exes had made. Sometimes, my fears were valid. Sometimes, they were not.

The thing that I realize now, is that most of my fears (especially my nightmares) were just my brains way of saying, "I love you. Losing you would be more than I could stand. Literally my worst nightmare."

But when I took the time to tell him my nightmares, instead of interpreting it that way, he would interpret it as: "I don't trust you. You are going to cheat on me."

The side effect that we dealt with from the beginning was my somehow complete inability to just say, "I love you." I'm not sure why, but it had suddenly become three awkward words that I couldn't utter. When he said it first, I was able to repeat it--but I could never, or almost never say it on my own.

Very early in our relationship he asked, "Why don't you say it?"
I responded with, "I don't know. I feel it. I just can't say it."
He told me that this was okay. It didn't bother him that I couldn't say it.

But you know what? It hurt our relationship. Whether or not we realized it at the time.

And now that we don't have this relationship, I want to scream it. I want to post it on his Facebook wall and punctuate our gchats with it. I want to text it to him and call him pet names and say ridiculous things that I should have been saying all along. I passed a girl leaving a voice mail message for someone today: "I love you, and I'll talk to you later." she said. And I was envious that the words came out so easily. Has she never been hurt? I thought.

He's alive, but it almost feels as though he's dead. People mourn that they 'never had the chance to say 'I love you' one last time', but this is the same way. I could say it, sure, but it has become inappropriate now. It would be met with an: "Alison, let's not do this. This never ends well."

He doesn't read this, so I can say it here. Inappropriate or not, this is my blog. I love you. And, additionally, the words I have been saying over and over for the past three months, but haven't changed anything: I am so sorry.

(I attended a workshop the other day on ways to communicate more effectively. It held a mirror up to my flaws and really just made me upset. If I had gone to this meeting six months ago, we might still be together. I only hope I can apply what I've learned and he may one day reconsider.)

So the point that I want to get across with all this? Say "I love you" to the people you love. Even if it's hard. Even if it's awkward and you're afraid and you've been hurt. Because not hearing it has an impact--and when you are no longer able to say it, you'll wish you could.

2011-03-27T21:15:00.000-04:00

I was just checking my page stats and it made me laugh to see that 17 people have googled "Lusty McLusterson" and it has brought them to my page.

Other memorable keywords:

"weird insecurities" (guilty as charged...working on it!)
"naked in brain parking" (sorry...what?)
"alisonleeds.com" (haha. people google it rather than just typing it into the browser?)
"alison fuller naked" (sorry to disappoint!)

Real*Love

2011-03-25T20:19:00.000-04:00

I haven't been finding as many cute things that strike my fancy lately! Here is a backlog of some older ones that never made the cut...

The Precious Cargo Monkey...

...an alternative to the usual "baby on board" sign. I love this especially as my friend Mary's little boy Theo has a monkey themed bedroom. It would look super cute on Mary's car, and I plan to buy it for her one day :)

Tiffany Notes I Love You wedding band.

Super cute, right? Just in case hubby needs a reminder, aside from the actual symbolism of the ring itself.

Wild Side Toy Box

How great is this? Seriously, a little mini fainting couch for the classiest little kids out there. Don't get me wrong--my mom built me a little wooden toy box when I was a kid and it's served me well. (It's still at her house, being used to hold most of my old writing!) But I would have loved this.

Van Gogh art wine bottle gift bags.

I am in love with these. I only wish I had a use for a million little silk bags! Check out the site--they have a ton of Van Gogh items.

Mason Jar mugs

I like that these are so simple and kind of thrift-store kitchy (drinking out of a mason jar? really?) but still so cute. I imagine anything drunk out of them would taste amazingly fresh...but that's just my brain responding to Pottery Barn's photography. Touche, marketing.

Deluxe Toy Box

I am really only posting this one because it reminds me of an ice cream sandwich.

Earth Therapeutics Shut Eye Sleep Mask

Totally cute celestial sleep mask :)

I'm here.

2011-03-23T16:41:00.000-04:00

Sorry folks, I have quite literally checked out lately. Most of my writing consists of tearfilled and depressing letters, so you have all been spared. Be joyful.

The good news is that I got in to Goddard College! I was getting really nervous there for a while, especially since everything seemed so last-minute. (The application deadline was March 1st and the semester begins March 31st!) But, this is a good thing. I am really pumped and only slightly intimidated. I can't imagine the sheer talent I'm going to be surrounded with during my time there! I hope I can measure up. With any luck I'll find myself really inspired and can finally put the crap going on in my life aside and begin work on my novel again. I've been told my hesitation is "all in my head", but I find it difficult to write a love story when my own love life is falling apart. Everything I've tried to write has fallen flat.

I went to Burlington, Vermont a week (two weeks, now? time flies...) ago with my friend Mike. We went to the Ben & Jerry's factory, the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory, walked around downtown on a fruitless search for boots, and went to a maple sugar farm. It was an interesting weekend in that Mike assumed I would shop for hours in downtown Burlington, and I actually blew through it in like...two hours? That includes the time we were stopped for lunch. The only thing we bought were Yankee Candles. I guess I'm not much of a shopper anymore!

Mike & I also went to Sonic for the first time last weekend. It wasn't as great as what I had expected, but it was cool to try something new, and I definitely want to go back to try some of their dessert shakes.

I also am ecstatic to report that I FOUND MY FAVORITE BOOTS! (Notice that I am more excited about boots than I am at getting into college. What does that say about me?) Don't ask me where they were, the answer is obvious and highly embarrassing.

Also, I have an appointment to get permanent makeup done next week. My mother and I are getting eyeliner tattooed on. I am very excited but also very nervous about the pain factor! Let's hope it's not as bad as they say. :) I will definitely be blogging about the whole experience!

The Wet Blanket Attends a Concert, Part Two:

2011-03-15T23:05:00.000-04:00

So, the main purpose of me going to New York City is that Bright Eyes, one of my favorite bands, was on their last tour ever, and I had gotten ONE ticket to their Radio City Music Hall show.

I hadn't been to a concert since 2006, but when I heard it was their last ever show before breaking up, I knew I had to do it. I didn't really have the money, but I went ahead and bought just one ticket anyway.

I was super excited when I first bought the ticket, but by the time the concert rolled around, I was having buyers remorse. That, coupled with the depressing events of my life lately, and the emotional impact of Bright Eyes' music, left me with little desire to actually see the show. But I sucked it up and went anyway.

The following is a series of thoughts that went through my head that proved to me that I am too old and grumpy to attend concerts anymore.

(Disclaimer: I am not an actual grumpy, downer bitch all the time. I think I've really just outgrown concerts! Plus I am kind of becoming an old lady.)

1. I wonder if there's a special school guitarists go to, to learn their moves. All the moves are the same. If I'm ever a guitarist I'm going to do something outrageously different...like, ballet.

2. This opening act is boring. [looks around] I wonder where everyone else is. I guess they had the foresight to come after the opening acts. I wonder what these girls names are. That one looks like a Sarah. And that one is an Amy...or maybe an Amber. That girl is definitely a J name...like, Jocelyn.

3. Oh my God, that guy in front of me looks and is dressed exactly like Paul McCartney. I wish I could ask to take his picture.

4. Did that guy really just say "My gap feels weird"? What are the kids singing about these days?

5. I'm tired. Oh my God, it's 9:30 and Bright Eyes hasn't even gone on yet! I wonder if I should leave...

6. Yay! Bright Eyes!

7. Oh, no. Why is everyone standing up? Now no one behind them can see and we ALL have to stand up. Are they going to stand for the whole show? But...this chair is comfortable. Dammit. I guess I'll have to stand too.

8. OUCH! Do they have to shine these lights right in my eyes? I'm already getting hearing damage from the speakers...do they have to blind me too?

9. Hmm. I thought I was a big Bright Eyes fan...but I don't know half of these songs. This sucks. I wonder if they'll play [favorite song 1] or [favorite song 2]. If they don't, I might as well leave.

10. Do I smell skunk? In New York City? Inside a building? I didn't think there were skunks in big cities. Oh...oh, my God. That's not a skunk, that's just cheap pot. Wow, I'm old.

11. Wow, it's 11:00. I should be asleep by now. Maybe I should leave... (to be fair, the train was over an hour home and then an additional hour car ride!)

I have learned from this experience. I'm just not cut out for concerts anymore! Not a big deal considering I've seen everyone I want to see, aside from Tom Waits and Leonard Cohen. And do they even tour anymore?

If I go to another concert I'm going to have to have a few drinks beforehand, haha.

The Wet Blanket Attends a Concert

2011-03-10T16:04:00.001-05:00

Or: Why Bebe Neuwirth is a Vampire.

So, I went to New York City yesterday. I had had it planned for a while, but I had planned on going alone, until my co-worker/friend Christie asked, "Can I come?" like, less than 24 hours before I left, lol. She might have been partly joking but I was like, what the hell? YES. You should definitely come. So she did. :)

We had a good time, we started out the day seeing The Addams Family on Broadway...my first ever Broadway show that hasn't been a touring company! I was really excited because I have loved The Addams Family since I was a little kid. You might say I am a bit obsessed, actually. (I dressed as Wednesday Addams for Halloween like, three years in a row.)

The show was awesome, the songs were great and what they did with the scenery was just incredible! I was a little bummed that we missed Nathan Lane as Gomez (he stopped performing on the 6th! Literally missed him by three days!) but the understudy was still very good. Bebe Neuwirth was Morticia and a bunch of people who had some bit parts on 30 Rock were in the cast, too. I was pretty excited about that.

After the show we waited by the stage door. I got a couple autographs and was waiting for Bebe to come out (I had commented to Christie earlier that day that Bebe seemed to NEVER age. I wanted to get a look at her up close and maybe even tell her that, if I got the guts). Someone from the crew asked who we were waiting for, and a guy said, "Bebe." and the crew guy replied, "Nope. She won't come out. She never comes out for matinées."

At first I thought, wow, what a DIVA. And then I tried to wrap my brain around what made matinées less worthy than a later show. I mean...we paid the same price for our tickets. The show was still pretty packed, although not sold out.

And then it dawned on me.

Matinées are shown during DAYTIME HOURS.
Bebe hasn't aged since the 80's.
Bebe won't come out during matinées...during the day...
...when the SUN is out...

Bebe Neuwirth...

VAMPIRE.

More on my actual trip later...for now, ponder that thought.

(images: http://www.iwatchstuff.com , http://azeem-photos.blogspot.com )

Gratitude.

2011-03-02T22:37:00.000-05:00

So, I watched The Secret today. And I'm giving it a shot, mostly because all of the people I know who follow it are extremely happy and successful. The first step of The Secret is to list things that you are grateful for. Since the whole point of The Secret is to put your thoughts out into the universe, I figure there's no better place to post this than my blog. Feel free to add your own.

Health.
My job.
Friends.
My mom.
Major Tom.
Technology!
My writing group.
Starbucks.
My bed.
eBay.
Sushi.
Tina Fey. (Obviously!)
New York City. (In general.)
The days staying bright later and later. (No more dark walks to my car!)
The fact I actually got a tax RETURN this year.
My apartment.
All the small but materialistic things that make me happy.

Hopefully that was good for a first start. I found it difficult, actually, because I always wanted to make adjustments, like, "I'm grateful for my health, mostly, except for one or two things..." but I had to nip that in the bud.

As you can see, being positive will be a challenge. But I'm up for it.

(If you're interested in reading more about The Secret, that first link is the book and this one here: The Secret (Extended Edition)is for the documentary, which is what I watched.)

Not my ideal Saturday.

2011-02-26T20:48:00.001-05:00

I've missed quite a bit of work lately, so I was forced to go in to work today, a Saturday, to make up some of my missed hours, in an effort to save as much of my vacation time as I could. A pain in the ass, but no real biggie. I planned on making up as much time as possible, until the cabin fever set in and I had to get out.

I worked five hours and decided that was more than sufficient for a Saturday. I was hungry and wanted to get home for my daily dose of 30 Rock reruns on Netflix Instant. So I clocked out and made the trek to my car.

I park in a muddy lot a few minutes from my office because it's the cheapest option. On weekends, hardly anyone parks there. Today was no exception. As I neared the lot, it was obvious I was the only car in the lot. I was glad it was still light out. I walked a little faster. And then...I saw it.

It being a pesky downed wire that stretched ALL THE WAY across the only entrance and exit to my parking lot.

The sun was setting fast and it was getting colder already. I called 911 and told them about the wire, but the dispatcher was less than helpful because I could tell her the road I was on and the name of the parking lot, but I couldn't provide her with an exact street address. "Tell me a cross street." She said. There weren't any. "Tell me the number of the nearest building." I looked up and down the road. It would take me 15 minutes, at least, to walk to the nearest building. I was a bit stranded. "We'll try to find you." She said finally and hung up, annoyed.

She wasn't the one freezing her ass off. The temperature had read 40 degrees when I drove past this morning, but the fact that my fingers were turning bright red tipped me off to the fact it was no longer even close to that warm.

I stood there helplessly for a while in the cold, watching the sun set. Some people walked by me and headed towards the parking lot. "Be careful," I told them, indicating the wire. "There's a downed wire. I don't know if it's live."

They smiled and stepped right over it, not even hesitating for a moment. It was only when I realized that they were heading under the bridge, and after watching the female collapse in the snow and lay there for a while, that I realized they were probably high and hadn't even understood what I was saying.

I figured if a crackhead could step over the wire and be okay, maybe I could, too. But I wasn't wearing sneakers (rubber keeps you grounded, right?) and I had my cell phone in one hand and my keys in the other. I held my breath and stepped over.

I found myself on the other side of the wire, still alive. Awesome.

I got into my car and cranked up the heat. A Prairie Home Companion was coming on the radio, which was good news, but I was starving. Bad news. I still couldn't get out of the parking lot, mainly because I still wasn't sure if the wire was live, or if my car was "grounded" because of it's tires. Not to mention, the wire wasn't touching the ground, just hanging slightly above it. What if I tried to go over it and got stuck somehow? Wrecked my car? My Worst-Case-Scenario mind was running on all cylinders.

After an hour, the police finally found me based on my craptastic directions. But they didn't dare cross the wires to come talk to me, and I didn't want to get out of my car. So I sat there and watched them stand around and chat for what seemed for far too long. Soooo hungry. NPR wasn't succeeding in taking my mind off of my stomach. I was getting angry, too. This was not how I wanted to spend my Saturday! And I was burning all of my gasoline just trying to keep warm.

Finally, a big, helpful-looking yellow truck showed up. Now thing were finally going to start happening. A man stepped out, suited up in big gloves and snipped some wires apart so that he could safely move the pole and the wire out of my path I was free! I thanked them both and was on my way.

I am hoping for a nice, calm, productive Sunday to make up for the pain-in-my-ass Saturday!

EDIT: Seriously though. I can get a GPS on my phone, I can pay for Starbucks with my phone--why can't 911 triangulate my location? It's the year 2011. Come on now.

10 things.

2011-02-22T18:52:00.001-05:00

To help combat my fragile emotional state, my best friend Lauren gave me a homework assignment: find ten things that make me happy and do at least one of them every day.

Being broke, it's easier said than done. Most things that make me happy require at least a small amount of money (Caramel Macchiatos, creative writing magazines, a really awesome new outfit, sushi, tattoos) and considering I currently have none until my next paycheck (getting paid bi-weekly sucks), I've had to get creative.

1. Watching 30 Rock. I can say with no shame that 30 Rock is my favorite show ever and that I am, in fact, Liz Lemon. Only slightly younger and less successful and WAY more of a crybaby when things really fall to shit. And I love, love, love that I can watch seasons 1-4 on Netflix. I watch the same episodes over and over again and they're still funny every single time.

2. Cuddling with Major Tom. Major Tom doesn't give a crap about how I'm feeling, really. When I got him, the girl said that he'd be really cuddly and clingy with me--this has not turned out to be the case. Instead, he is completely gay for Jay and I can only get him to stay near me if the conditions are just right. I have to be laying on the couch that Jay usually sits on, the blanket has to be off of the couch...everything has to be quiet, and he has to come over on his own. It's so rare. I've taken to giving him treats when he comes up to bed with me, which he has stopped doing since it hasn't been freezing cold. Such an opportunist kitty.

3. Writing. I hate to admit this, but I haven't been writing at all lately. I just don't have it in me. I should have had the first draft of my novel finished by now, but I have barely been able to pick up a pen for the past month. My college essay is due by the end of the month, and every time I look at it my mind just blanks. Not really great timing. Blurg.

That's all I've been able to come up with so far. I've also been paring down my wardrobe but that isn't really a "fun" thing.

What are YOUR ten things?

(image)

A happier story.

2011-02-18T22:00:00.001-05:00

So, a coworker/friend of mine won free tickets in a work raffle to see Shrek the Musical. I didn't have any interest in Shrek, really, (I've never even seen the movies, just part of the first one) but she knew how much I love musicals so she invited me and our boss/friend along.

It was a pretty good show. I, of course, was ridiculously excited during the whole first act due to my all-consuming musical love. But when the second act started I had calmed down a little and literally had this, "Hmm. This might not be that good." moment.

I'm certainly no critic when it comes to musicals, as I am biased and also love Annie, which pretty much everyone hates. But I thought everyone was pretty talented, there were some funny jokes (although about a minute straight of comical farting/burping that I could have done without, but I get it, it was a musical for kids!) and the part with the dragon was probably the most amazing thing that I've ever seen on stage. The dragon was hands down the best part.

I may have enjoyed it more if I had seen the movies. But all in all I was happy that I got to go! Free tickets to a musical? That doesn't happen every day :)

Yep.

2011-02-17T18:30:00.000-05:00

My fun times with friends (this is Theo, my friend Mary's son--remember him?) have pretty much come to a close. Now I am forced to take a look, without distraction, at my life.

And no sir, I don't like it.

I'll try to stay upbeat on the blog as much as possible. But things are not happy and shiny in Alison-land. I'm none too pleased. Under the microscope, (and while I can hear you all saying, "don't blame yourself" and "it's not your fault", please just...trust me on this one? I know it's not entirely my fault, but I do have to accept a rather large amount of responsibility.) I haven't been the kind of girlfriend that I thought I was. Not the kind I wanted to be, not the kind Jay deserved. I thought having dinner ready when he came home from work and buying good presents and loving him was enough, but there's so much that I have done wrong without even realizing it. I know I'm not perfect and neither is he, but there's more to it than all that. It's rough.

Kind of a mess right now, to tell you the truth.

But I promise I'll come back with a happier story soon. I'm sure there's one in my brain somewhere.

Forgive me.

2011-02-13T16:42:00.000-05:00

My college essay is due REALLY soon, so I have to finish it ASAP. And it's so ridiculous! Five to ten pages about myself...ugh. I'm not enjoying this.

For now, I leave you with this absolutely beautiful piece of artwork. It's called Liberty and it's by Kneil Melicano.

I definitely want this as my next tattoo. I'm thinking a sleeve.

(image)

Downsizing, again.

2011-02-08T17:03:00.001-05:00

The real things I love are things that I can't pack.

My kitten.
My job and co-workers.
My ex. (Yeah, I said it. I think I'm coming to terms with the fact it's okay to love him. I also have to say--I really understand the Jack White/Meg White issue.)
My mom.
My big, fluffy cloud blanket. (Yeah, I'm a 26 year old with a children's blanket. If you felt it, you would understand.)

The things I can pack all become a bit insignificant, too. All I really need are clothes, my computer, camera, Kindle, makeup/hair supplies and a notebook.

I can get my record player and records shipped over later. There are some books that I think I want to bring, but when it comes down to it, do I really need them? Once I've used them and depleted them of the notes and research that I need? They are in a box to be shipped if I really want them.

Downsizing this time is a huge project, because I don't even know if I'll return for this stuff. I might not. Who knows?

Jay thinks I'm crazy for starting to pack/downsize so early. But I want to make sure--entirely sure--that I leave no stone unturned. I want everything that means anything to me by my side.

(image from apartmenttherapy.com)

Um.

2011-02-06T18:21:00.000-05:00

So, I'm definitely not religious. But you now that saying...when God closes a door he opens a window?

Well...my life has gone completely crazy overnight. I've gone from being dumped to being invited to live in Germany.

It's going to be the craziest, most spontaneous thing I've ever done in my life. But I think I'm going to do it.

After all, isn't it about time for a new adventure?

Gift Registry: The Break up.

2011-02-03T12:00:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty sure that there should be gift registries for when people break up from long-term relationships.

I mean, think about it. I've spent the last four years being part of a unit. Buying things that you envisioned sharing for the rest of your life--one vacuum, one frying pan, one mattress, one set of dishes and silverware...Jay's got one television, one XBox...

And not at the second, but very soon--these things are going to be divided. And I'll find myself in the market for lots of new things that I won't necessarily have the money to buy because all my bills will double! (No one to pay half of the internet, electric or rent anymore, for example.)

Needless to say, I'm going to find myself "in the market" for a lot of unexpected things. Here's what I've got my eye on...

22" HDTV/LCD television

I have unfortunately been spoiled by Jay's HDTV/LCD television. It's something I never wanted for myself (and definitely didn't see the sense in him buying!) but now that I've gotten used to one, I'm not sure if I could go back. Besides, I need something thin to fit on my windowsill--otherwise I need to get ANOTHER piece of furniture, which I don't want cluttering up my living room. This one is only around $200, which seems pretty decent to me. It also has that neato built in DVD player.

I'll need to get something else to stream Instant Netflix with, but I haven't quite figured that out yet...we use an XBox right now, but I was thinking maybe a Wii because it's cheaper. I don't much play games anyway, but Wii has a few I might occasionally like.

Tub of Tools

Just a simple bucket that sits on your counter and houses your kitchen utensils. Not a bad price at $17.99. I'm definitely going to need this.

Striped shower curtain

We have the most ridiculous shower curtain now...it's one of those "Psycho" ones with the blood all over it and the man standing with a knife. I hate it, but I dealt with it because Jay thought it was funny, and we didn't really have anything else. It was supposed to be only temporary (but holy hell WHY are shower curtains so pricey?) I will take great pleasure in removing it from my apartment and putting up this curtain in it's place, which will match the walls. (Err...once I'm done painting, that is.)

6 pc Japanese Sushi Plate Set Sakura LB

I know I've posted these before, during Real*Love...but I'll give Jay most of the plates and bowls if I can get these. They're adorable and perhaps a little frivolous, but I'm of the opinion that when you're heartbroken sometimes the only things that make you feel better are the pretty things you've always wanted.

Other things that I'm not looking forward to sorting through:

Towels (who gets what towels? And how many?)

Random papers and articles we pulled out of storage but haven't gone through yet

All the things we "went halfsies" on, like the stand-alone closet, the curtains and rods...

The worst is, I can still remember going to Wal-Mart with Jay when we got our first apartment, all excited about what color we'd decorate the bathroom and what kind of towels to get. We decided on purple, and he decorated the bathroom with little cardboard tiki men he found at iParty. It was hysterical. When he surprised me by putting together my IKEA dresser while I was at work, and when I came home there was a rose in one of the drawers, with a note saying "Just because". I still have that rose.

This shit is so ugly, so hard. I'm either pissed off or I'm crying. He's telling me now we're two puzzle pieces that don't fit, and that we tried to fit for so long. He tells me "You love me like you love Major Tom (our cat)." But he's wrong. And one day he's going to realize this and be sorry...but it will be too late.

I really just hope this entire situation isn't born of snow and depression. Or, rather, maybe I hope it is...?

I don't know. I love him and am being bombarded from all sides by "you'll find someone better" and "he treated you like shit", while all I can think is that I love him, and that I understand him. And while my biggest complaint was always that he wasn't affectionate enough, or that he wasn't on the same schedule as I was--I understood why. Which people only see as me "making excuses" for him, but I don't see it that way. I know neither of us are perfect and we have growing to do. But is it so wrong to want to stay with someone and grow together?

Bleh. Dark days over here lately.

Missing in Action...

2011-02-01T15:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry I've been absent lately, guys. Things are not the greatest in Alison-Land, mostly the definite end of my almost-four-year relationship (I have a three year expiration date, it seems.) and the fact that there has been so much damn SNOW in New England that I've successfully managed to use ALL OF my sick/personal time in the month of January. Yeah. Not how I was intending on spending it, that's for sure.

The good news is, my best friend has come home from a 6 year stay in London and she's been totally there for me...the perfect distraction, making sure I eat (I literally forget to eat for days when I'm depressed) and picking up my pieces. It's what she does best, and I am so lucky that she somehow always seems to be around when I really need her.

And there is just...so much SNOW. Now, I know I live in New England and we get snow every year. That part, I'm used to. I'm also used to the fact that as soon as a single flake makes an appearance, everyone starts driving like an idiot while simultaneously bitching about the weather. (While others take the approach, "Shut up and move if you don't like winter.")
But this year has been something completely unreal. We had a green Christmas AND a green New Years--but after that, all bets were off. Mother Nature has dumped storm after storm upon us--one foot of snow, two feet, one foot--week after week! I'm not exaggerating, we have had a massive storm EVERY Wednesday for the entire month of January. We just barely get ourselves dug out when the snow slams us again.

My best friend's father said something like, "I haven't seen snow like this since the blizzard of '77."
But that's the thing. The blizzard of '77 was just that--a blizzard. ONE storm. Boom. And then you dug out, and you were done. This winter has just been relentless. So much worse.

Honestly, I like the area I am in. But if we get another winter like this next year, I am strongly considering splitting my time between New England and Florida. I can't take another year of this!

Anyway, I'm alternatively seethingly angry and devastatingly depressed as of late, and as such am finding it difficult to blog. But I'll try to keep up appearances around here. If you try not to miss me too much ;)

Nightmares on Broadway

2011-01-22T13:00:00.001-05:00

10-12 years ago, I took musical theater workshop classes at a little studio that popped up down the street from my house.

I was in 7th or 8th grade when I started, and it was the perfect outlet for a dorky, Broadway obsessed shy kid. We put on A Chorus Line. We sang Christmas songs for senior citizens. We put on The Sound of Music. We put on Godspell. We started to put on Cats...

...and that's where our relationship fell apart.

Actually, our relationship had been on thin ice for a while previous to that. You see, despite being in musicals, there was one thing I never had going for me.
I couldn't sing.
I realized this, so at least I wasn't one of those show-off kids who tried to belt out like I really had pipes. Nope. I spent most of my time mouthing the words.
Now, unless you've actually been in my position, you need me to tell you: this is painful. For a girl who really LOVES Broadway? The music and the dancing and the shows...to not be able to really sing? To not be able to even dance? (Uh, yeah, I couldn't quite do that, either.) It really hurts.
So one year when everyone signed up for classes, I marched down to the studio and demanded solo singing lessons. I knew I would be a challenge, but I was ready to work for it. I really, really wanted to sing. I had read an article in the paper (I had actually gone as far as to laminate it--I was a weird kid!) that said, "If you can breathe, you can sing!" and I was determined I was going to sing.

They told me no.

More accurately, they told me, "We are tentatively holding the last available spot for Paige. If she doesn't take it, we'll give it to you."

I am pretty sure that was a line of bullshit. (I had been there for three years--long enough to know they played favorites.)

So I reluctantly signed up for another music theatre workshop class instead.

I don't know what was different about this class, exactly. But this year something was off. First, we were putting on Cats, which I hated, but I grit my teeth and powered through it, learning all the words and steps to the Jellicle Cat song. They even gave me a LINE to sing in it... "Have you been an alumnus of heaven or hell?" I'll never forget it.
I remember when they asked me to actually SING a solo line my mouth fell open and everyone laughed.
But that hadn't been what I had in mind. I didn't want a LINE in a song, I wanted actual solo instruction so I could strengthen my voice and learn how to use it. Not speed through a line in baritone (and it really was in baritone, even though I'm an alto!) instead of gaining any instruction.

But anyway. I sang it. Badly.

A few weeks later, with the show date fast approaching (and no actual work being done. We still hadn't even gotten a script!) we were given our parts. I was Bustopher Jones.

The other kids weren't familiar with Cats, so they decided to go around the room reading the "poem" that corresponded with everyone's character. I begged Katie not to read mine, but she did.

Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones
In fact, he's remarkably fat

Now, at 26, that doesn't seem too bad. Maybe they gave it to me as comic relief (I was often given comic relief roles) but the problem was, at 16 I had two problems: I was overweight, which was a very painful struggle for me--and I had been taunted and called a lesbian (I was not.) by my classmates for years, and given MALE roles in plays for most of my high school career. And the musical theatre teacher didn't think that it might be appropriate to take me aside first and say, "Alison, I don't want to upset you, but I think you could play this part funny..."

I saw this as the lowest of all low blows. I was absolutely mortified, horrified, offended...I had begged my parents to pay for these classes. I ate slept and breathed musical theatre, and at a time where I really needed to feel attractive and liked--the teacher basically was like, "Oh, Alison? Make her the fat dude."

I was sixteen. I wanted to be feminine and cute.

I couldn't handle it. I went home crying and withdrew from the class that same day.

Some days I wish I had stuck with it. That maybe I could have convinced them to give me singing lessons...but as far as I know, the entire school fell apart soon after that. I could almost feel it's downward spiral--especially when we were weeks away from the show with no script. Our venues went from the elaborate stage at my high school, to a splintering tiny monstrosity at a catholic middle school.

I bring this all up now because I just had a nightmare related to this school. In a few words: We were having a recital, but I had been very sick, so I never went to rehearsals. The left me in the show, for some reason, but it was opening night and I just couldn't get my hands on a program to see WHEN I would be on stage. I figured that I knew Broadway musicals pretty well, so the chances were I'd know whatever song they had chose for me.

When I finally was able to get a program, I learned not only was I on stage for the next song--I had NEVER heard it before. Great.

(Then I woke up, laughing.)

(image from broadwayspace.com and pedanticalcats.com)

Real*Love

2011-01-21T22:12:00.042-05:00

The Kate Spade Calista bag.

I know it's a fairly simple bag, but I love it. It's the most feminine briefcase-type bag that I can find. (And it has a crossbody strap, in addition to the two handles on top.) I'm in the market for a new purse, and I'd like one that can hold my paperwork neatly, and a laptop. I'll be saving my pennies for this one!

Crosley Record Carrier Case.

The best way to store your record albums is standing up--no easy feat unless you have special shelving. I really need one of these cases for my albums (they're lying down right now, FOR SHAME!)

Premiere Prints Hooty Owl.

This is only the CUTEST fabric I've ever seen! I'd love to make something out of it, but I'm not sure what. A pillow, maybe? It would make a cute fabric to use as a pocket to offset a solid dress. Maybe I'll get creative with it...

Bridal Tote Bag.

Too bad I don't know any friends who are getting married soon. I love this cute little bridal tote bag! Perfect for lugging makeup, shoes, etc. to the beauty parlor!

Powder Room Nail Polish Remover.

Pink and black is definitely my favorite color scheme. This is only a bottle of nail polish remover, nothing exciting, but I think it would look super cute in my bathroom :)

Small things.

2011-01-19T01:22:00.002-05:00

I haven't been feeling very creative for the past two days. Progress on my novel has been at a stand still, although I have been doing a great deal of research. The fact that I don't have any desire to put pen to paper is slightly worrysome...I was going at a really respectable speed and now I've just stopped. I plan to hole up in a cafe tomorrow and see if I can squeeze some more out. (For some reason, writing at home isn't my strong point--even if there aren't many distractions.)

For now I leave you with small things that make me happy.
(Feel free to add your own.)

-Watching my kitten wash his face
-Drowning out the noise of the music studio next door with the 1812 overture (accompanied by my own half-assed ballet.)
-DVDs of Broadway shows in concert
-Not having to frolic outside in the ice :)

Really, Ian?

2011-01-17T23:55:00.004-05:00

As far as celebrities go, I think Ian Somerhalder is a pretty stand up guy for all his activist work. He and I see eye to eye on many issues, and I'm glad that he uses his celebrity status for good.

That being said, he's a hottie and I've been lusting after him since I caught him on some WB summer television series that I don't even remember the name of. [EDIT: Young Americans!]

But I'm slightly concerned about what's going on with his face...(Ian before: This is a movie still from Rules of Attraction, from this site)

Looks normal, right?

This photo was JUST posted today by Ian on his twitter.

I'm no pro at this, but I do think I'm pretty good at picking up changes in face shape. I'm thinking possible Rhinoplasty, but I'm not sure. His entire face looks different to me.

Any thoughts? I know, who cares, celebrities get plastic surgery all the time. But this one is bothering me. I tweeted him: Rhinoplasty? But he didn't respond...lol.

Don't mess with a good thing, people.

Some day I will laugh at this...

2011-01-13T08:47:00.004-05:00

...but not today.

Things that I don't own:

A shovel
A broom
A snow blower

Thing I DO own:
YEP. That's a frying pan.

Wish me luck. I've been at this for 2 1/2 hours already.

Recycled: Meeting Sharon & Bram.

2011-01-11T12:00:00.001-05:00

I wrote this post when I returned from a trip to Canada in 2007, where I had met Sharon and Bram of Sharon, Lois & Bram's Elephant Show. I was in total awe and still shell-shocked from the entire experience. It was incredible.

I'm sitting in the back of a silver Toyota Camry, and Bram Morrison has just lied to me.

"You know, in French, Avalanche means "vomit"." he had said matter-of-factly, as we passed a midway ride called "The Avalanche" which, by all means, is likely to make you vomit.

"Really?" asks everyone in the car. Even Sharon Hampson, who's toured with him for the past 30 or so years and should know his humor, believes him at first.

I can barely wrap my brain around this weekend. I am in the back seat of Bram's car. Sharon is in the passenger seat. Sitting next to me is Laura DeCesare, whom I've only just met the day before, but without her none of this would have been possible. There's no Lois, and there's no Eric Nagler, and there's no elephant, and although I'd really like for Lois to be there [she was always my favorite as a child], I'm overwhelmed enough as it is.

It started just before 4:00 P.M, as I'm sitting with Laura watching some girls dance on stage at the Winona Peach Festival. Laura taps me on the shoulder and points to my left. I look, and it's Sharon. She's waving. At us. I don't even know what to do. Fortunately my giant dark sunglasses cover up my wide-eyed look, but they couldn't conceal the shock on my face. I managed a meek little wave, as Sharon brought Bram over to wave to us too. Laura gets up and we both walk over to them, the whole time I'm smiling like an idiot. My emotions are very confused: Should I be laughing? Crying? Jumping up and down? How can I treat people I've been watching on television since age 3 as 'normal people'?

I manage to shake Bram's hand. I think I'm trembling. "I'm sorry, I'm completely shell-shocked." I say, staring in disbelief at the scene before me. A man named Al comes up to us, looking just as excited as I feel. "Hi I'm Al!" he says, pumping my hand enthusiastically as if I'm someone special. He thinks I'm with the band. I don't burst his bubble.

Next thing I know I'm sitting on the back of a golf cart with Laura and Sharon. Bram and Al are in the front, and we're driving through the Winona Peach Festival, towards the main entrance, to purchase some [what else?] peaches. Sharon and Laura are catching up, which is fine with me since I'm still in complete shock. We're driving by festival-goers, and in the back of my mind I want to say, "Don't you KNOW who these people are?! I'm on a golf cart with Sharon and Bram!" When we stop the cart, Al goes into a booth and brings the four of us peach sundaes. Sharon and Bram get peaches--two bags each-- and the girl at the counter tells them "I remember you." and continues in a calm voice. All I can think is If Sharon and Bram came through my line at CVS, I'd be hysterical. We return back to the trailer, which is being shared by all the groups but is currently empty. We put our things down and settle in for conversation. They talk a little bit about how Lois is doing, about various friends they all have in common. Sharon shows me photos of her grandchildren and talks briefly about her husbands illness [apparently he passed due to lung cancer not too long ago] before we're instructed to change the subject, or else she'll cry and ruin her 'elaborate makeup'. Laura informs them that I used to have a children's television show, and Sharon asked me if I loved it. I inform her that I did, and am trying to get it going again, but it's much harder to do with a full time job and a full time course load.

Sharon Hampson asks me, "Why are you going to college?" and I laugh. Of course she means what am I going to college FOR, and I explain psychology, but that ideally I'd like to major in Children's Media, if I could only find a school that offered it. Laura suggests I try Emerson, her alma mater, but I express apprehension about my grades not being good enough and my not having enough money.

We start singing not long after that, a nonsense song at first, and then "Fish and Chips and Vinegar". Bram plays the guitar, and our voices eventually bring curious passersby into the trailer-- mainly girls in their early 20s, who are even more star-struck then I am. They ask Sharon and Bram to sing "I am slowly going crazy", a song they inform us they had stopped singing for a number of years due to people complaining about it's political incorrectness. Bram tells a story of when they performed in Pennsylvania, I believe it was, & had sung a song about a hunter, in which they had used their fingers as pistols. After the show, a teacher came up to them and told them that it was a bad idea to mention guns and use finger pistols. They had realized she was right, and after some thought, came up with a lyric change which allowed them to still use the song. [Instead of 'or that hunter will shoot me dead' it became 'or rabbit foo foo will bop me on the head'.]

Outside, the sky, which had been threatening rain all afternoon, and sometimes drizzling-- picked this moment to release it's fury. Safe in the trailer, we continued to talk unbothered by the conditions, while Jam Sandwich, a canadian kids group, warmed up the crowd. They returned to the trailer soon later, soaked clear through to the skin. They also had a problem-- the stage roof was in danger of collapsing-- all of the rain water was collecting in the very middle. They took 20 minutes or so do drain it.

Sharon sings a song she has never sung before. It's beautiful and haunting-- "We'll Pass Them On" by Sally Rogers, which is about sharing the music with generations, and that generation passing on the music. And as Sharon sings I'm struck with this image of myself at age three, watching Sharon sing on television, never knowing that twenty years later she'd be singing to me about the IMPORTANCE of singing to me at age three. I fought back tears and won, only because I convinced myself that it would be completely embarrassing to cry in front of Sharon and Bram.

Al came back into the trailer eventually and asked if they were ready to go on stage. Sharon and Bram had been pretty much convinced that the rain would keep away any audience. I assured them that Laura and I would be loud enough that they wouldn't notice the difference, but if it meant that much to them, we'd gladly drive through the festival on a golf cart yelling at people to go see the show. Al assured Sharon and Bram that folks had actually been waiting THROUGH the downpour, and that they definitely had an audience. Bram got up to do a sound check and left Sharon with us for another 10 minutes or so. When she took the stage, Laura and I ran around to find seats and take pictures.

They sang If All The Raindrops, The Eensy Weensy Spider, Fish And Chips and Vinegar [a three part song-- this was the first time they sang it without Lois], Grandpa's Farm, She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain, A: You're Adorable, Little Rabbit Foo Foo, I Am Slowly Going Crazy, Tingaleyo, Rags, and closed with Skinnamarink.

At the very end, Sharon announced that they had some friends who had driven all the way from Massachusetts to visit with them, and would we stand up so everyone could wave to us? It was incredible. Al was very excited when he found out we were from America-- he said we were strengthening Canadian/American relations, and that we should be ambassadors, or something of the like.

After the concert Sharon and Bram did a short meet and greet, and offered us a ride back to our parking lot. We grabbed our stuff from the trailer and hit the road.. only to be unable to FIND our car. It had been very early when we arrived and the parking lot had been empty-- we were extremely disoriented. Sharon and Bram drove us around for ten minutes before we told them just to go on without us-- they had things to do that they were already running late for. We took some pictures with them, got some autographs, [I gave Sharon my business card, yay!] and then they were on their way.

All in all I came away from this weekend with a renewed sense of what it is I WANT to be doing with my life. I'm not as far away from my goals as I sometimes think. After all-- I just had a jam session with Sharon and Bram.

Present day note: My only regret from this trip was not taking more photos. I have a few of the concert, and some of the four of us together after the show. But I was SO nervous during our little jam session. I didn't want to suddenly turn all paparazzi and ruin the down-to-earthness of the entire moment. But I should have just turned my flash off and snapped a few photos.

One more thing to worry about.

2011-01-10T10:00:00.000-05:00

Some of you may remember the Barbie Camcorder scandal that occurred this Christmas. I'd paraphrase it, but I do NOT want my blog coming up on perverts search engines. So I'll just tell you that people were concerned the camera might take some not-so-nice photos. Of youngsters.

(Ha! Find THAT, pervs.)

Anyway, now Lady Gaga herself has teamed up with Polaroid to create new Gray Label products. One of these products? Glasses. With a camera in them.

*Sigh*
*Headshake*

I understand the Barbie doll was marketed to kids, and that's the problem.

But now we have a pair of sunglasses that can be used to take photos AND videos. While all the while, sending the images to a USB drive.

Great.

I hope beyond hope that they make these glasses very obvious. I haven't seen an image of them, but I would really like to KNOW if someone is wearing them.

And, OH, GOD, what about PAPARAZZI? Seriously, Gaga? Do you really want to give them ANOTHER tool to poke into your private life with?

I do NOT see these glasses as being as wonderful as she has hoped.

FYI...

2011-01-09T22:10:00.002-05:00

I'm submitting my new novel to the "Dear Lucky Agent" contest on the Guide to Literary Agents blog! Winners get the first 10 pages of their manuscripts critiqued and a free subscription to Writer's Digest.

For more info, check out The Guide to Literary Agents blog!

To insure or not to insure...

2011-01-09T15:30:00.001-05:00

As some of you may know, the company that my job obtains health insurance from decided to raise their rates by...well, a lot this year. And as some of you may also know, I was having trouble keeping my head above water with the rate it was at before the raise.

So, after much debate, I canceled my health insurance.

What this means to me, as far as I'm concerned, is that I'll have to pay out-of-pocket for my monthly birth control.

Which sounds scary...but when you look at it this way....

Birth control WITH health insurance: $15 a month
Health insurance: $450 a month (estimation)

Birth control without health insurance: $40 a month (again, another estimation. but I worked at a pharmacy so it's a slightly educated guess.) (Which would make it what, science nerds? That's right--a hypothesis!)
Health insurance: $0

Dropping the health insurance was clearly going to save me some serious dough.

So, I did.

It sound scarier than it is. In truth, I went to the allergist twice last year and the gynecologist once. I never even saw a regular doctor. (Even if I wanted to see one, I couldn't afford the co-pays or bills that my insurance would send, so I didn't go.)

I'm okay with both my meds, and neither one needs any tweaking, which means no new appointments are necessary, until maybe a gyno at the end of the year, which I can pay for out-of-pocket.

Also? I don't LIKE traditional medicine, anyway. I've seen alternative medicine work wonders, and in most cases (the two obvious exceptions being birth control and my allergy/asthma inhaler!) I favor that. Plus, I can't stand people who run to the doctor at every hiccup. I've never been like that. I come from tough stock ;)

So, $450 x 12? That's $5,400 that I'm going to be saving in 2011. And I can't wait. I hope to put almost every cent of that into my debt and maybe I can finally be squeaky clean by 2012! That would be pretty sweet.

Real*Love part duex

2011-01-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

Japanese Sushi Plate Set

Two things I love, cherry blossoms and sushi, come together so perfectly in this cute little service-for-two sushi plate set. These cute robins egg blue plates have been on my Amazon wish list forever. One day they will be mine!

Antique french "rotund" birdcages

These ones are just a decorative copy--the real thing sells for somewhere around $4,000. No, thank you! But I am very much obsessed with these as of late. The characters in the novel I'm writing right now have a pet canary in a cage much like this. I almost want one myself. You know...for research. Not because the protagonist is a Mary Sue or anything...

Lucca Couture Ruffle Collar Jacket

Oh, skinny girls with small chests. How I envy you! I am still a size medium in most cases, but I am well aware just by looking at it, this beautiful jacket will NOT work with my hips and chest. So, go forth and buy this so that I may live vicariously through you. And send me photos, please. SO CUTE.

Fortune Teller Tree Incense Burner

Try as I might, I simply could NOT figure out what gives this tree 'fortune telling' properties. There was nothing that said, "The smoke blows to the left for yes..." or anything like that. The whole fortune telling concept here is lost on me. BUT, I do think this ancient tree man is cute...in a sort of creepy way. Not sure if I would buy him. I might turn his face to the wall when I went to sleep.

And I leave you with the thing I really love most right now. The email that totally made my day:
Yep. Yoko Ono is following me. (As you can see, she follows a LOT of people. But the fact that she actually had to physically click to add me? It might be silly, but I feel like a total rock star.)

Real*Love

2011-01-06T23:00:00.001-05:00

Pocket Canons: Books of the Bible

I'm not religious. At all. But Grove Press has a great idea with these pocket sized books of the Bible...you can literally take each book with you. And the covers are very much my style and sure to appeal to younger audiences, and people who are a little self conscious about maybe lugging a big Bible around on the bus or something. If I did read the Bible, I would definitely pick these up.

Steve Madden slippers

I think the applique flowers on these are just darling. They remind me of one of my favorite movies as a kid (which is still a guilty pleasure to this day!) Annie. In the film, Annie has a bathing suit that has similar flowers on it. So cute! I've also been needing a pair of slippers for a long time and was very happy to find these for just $4.99. And the great thing is, I could wear them out like clogs if I wanted to! Yes, please!

Cherry Blossom wall art, $166, found at Overstock.com

I'll admit, I'm biased. I have two cherry tattoos (one of cherries and one of cherry blossoms) so I am likely to love anything that has this imagery. But I also really like the idea of three separate canvases that make up one image. I've been seeing quite a bit of this lately, and I enjoy it. Extra bonus? That warm brown/orange tone on the outside of the painting would look stellar in my bathroom...when I'm finally finished painting it, that is!

La Cafetiere Tea Pot, $45 from Macys

I absolutely love this cute little tea press--and even the pretty box it comes in! It's not a practical purchase for me, seeing as I drink more coffee than tea. Also, my tea comes in tea bags and I assume you have to use loose leaf tea for this. Still! If I had a bigger kitchen (and a bigger paycheck!) I would pick it up merely for it's aesthetic value. Adorable!

Stay tuned for Real*Love part two...

Post-holiday laziness

2011-01-05T21:26:00.004-05:00

Is anyone else's sleep schedule completely thrown off by the holidays? I keep feeling wide awake at night. I go to bed at my normal time (usually between 10 and 12) but then I wake up at 3, 4 or 5 A.M and I have a really hard time falling back asleep.

Last night (I was busy writing, editing and submitting) I was up until around 2:30 or 3:00...and then I SLEPT until 2:30 today. Thank goodness it was my day off!

I just can't seem to get back into the swing of things.

The good news, however, is that I FINALLY got out some mail that I had been having a hard time mailing. The universe really aligned against me on this one! But it's finally out, so I feel much less stressed out now.

I'm doing a lot of writing lately, as I said in my last post, which results in me blogging less. I'm going to try to schedule some posts for the next week or so, just so I don't seem so absent. So stick around! I have lots of Real*Love stuff to show you :)

Writing overdrive!

2011-01-02T00:21:00.002-05:00

I haven't been able to think of anything else but writing lately. I've been obsessively working on a second chapter of a new book, obsessively craving feedback about older pieces, obsessively trying to figure out my TENSES...

I am at present a member of three writing groups. (Just joined a new one today!) And I can't get enough. I'm working with one professional editor and two, maybe three non-professional ones.

I have one short story that currently got approved and moved to "phase two" in a magazine. I am unbelievably excited but trying to not get my hopes up, seeing as I've not exactly had a good year...

Here's my total from last year:

Pieces submitted: 35
Rejections: 27
Acceptances: 1
Lost/Never responded: 2
Still pending: 4
Rejected, but requested to see more work: 1

So...yeah. As far as I'm concerned, getting approved is a huge victory. As is, of course, the acceptance, and the one who requested to see more work.

I really wish I had more writer friends, though. We'll see what writing group number three has to offer.

As 2010 draws to a close...

2010-12-31T00:06:00.003-05:00

I did super well with last years resolutions. Is it time to make some more? Let's see.

In addition to quitting smoking and eating meat, I also got rid of my microwave 6 months ago. It started off pretty simple. I was tired of hearing, "You can't microwave styrofoam, it'll give you cancer." and, "You can't microwave cling wrap, it'll give you cancer." Finally I just decided maybe this microwave isn't such a good thing, after all. And you know what? Google it. I actually JUST did some research on it, and it's true--microwaves are unbelievably dangerous. I'm glad mine is gone and wish I had disposed of it earlier.

I'll save you some time. Here's a summary of some results from Russian tests. (Russia, by the way, banned microwave ovens in 1975. I added the bold-face type.)

Microwaving prepared meats sufficiently to insure sanitary ingestion caused formation of d-Nitrosodienthanolamines, a well-known carcinogen. (Causes cancer.)
Microwaving milk and cereal grains converted some of their amino acids into carcinogens. (Causes cancer.)
Thawing frozen fruits converted their glucoside and galactoside containing fractions into carcinogenic substances. (Causes cancer.)
Extremely short exposure of raw, cooked or frozen vegetables converted their plant alkaloids into carcinogens. (Causes cancer.)
Carcinogenic free radicals were formed in microwaved plants, especially root vegetables. (Causes cancer.)
Decrease in nutritional value (May result in decreased immunity.)

In short? Microwaves are awful.

Sorry. Tangent.

My New Year's resolution is to keep doing what I'm doing. Stay healthy, take more vitamins... (side note, ladies, you only have until age 30 to build bone density. So if you aren't taking 1000 mg of Calcium plus D, you should start! I try to take mine every day, but can be forgetful.)...eat more veggies, and definitely get more exercise. I want to finally get my dream bike and start going on at least one bike ride a week. Ideally, I'd like to join the yoga class that's next door to me, too, but that could get costly.

And, you know, the usual. Write more, edit more, submit more, get published. At least ONE thing. (But you know, two would be great. If I could double my numbers every year? It'd be pretty sweet.) Get into that awesome creative writing college. Do well in work and school.

...and get better about mailing packages.

(Seriously though, the universe is aligning against me mailing this package. The post office is closed when I leave for work and closed when I return home. I was snowed in on Monday, so that was no good. I went to the post office Tuesday on my lunch break and guess what? CLOSED. I even took a photo of it. Wednesday I had to work (I usually have it off and mail all packages on Wednesday!) and I was supposed to get out early today & was glad I could finally make it to the post office, but NOPE. Ended up staying at work until 5:30. I'm going to walk down to the post office tomorrow, but I bet it's going to be closed due to the holiday.)

Anyway. I'm trying. And very sorry. :(

Christmas haul...

2010-12-24T21:13:00.003-05:00

Every Christmas Jay and I get tired of waiting and we usually cave and open gifts early.

Last year, we opened gifts VERY early--we literally opened one gift a day for most of the month of December, but then when Christmas morning rolled around, we had nothing to open. I think Jay was okay with this, but it made me a bit sad. So this year I was determined to wait until Christmas Day.

But...last night at midnight (officially Christmas Eve) we opened stockings. And today I got antsy and we decided to share a bottle of white wine and open gifts at 9 PM.

(I was in favor of this because it meant I got to sleep in the next day.)

Here's what I gave, and then what I got:

Gave Jay:

-IBC rootbeer (it's really hard to find! I had to track down a case of it.)
-Small box of chocolates
-Fruit snacks
-A compass for his car
-Arizona Iced Tea powder in a can (much more affordable than 99 cents for a glass!)
-Ninja bandaids
-A "delete" eraser (it looks like the delete key on a computer)
-Can opener rings, because we always find ourselves out and about without a can opener!
-Sleepytime tea
-Carmex
-A book on video game careers
-A 8 bit tie from Thinkgeek
-An Xbox remote (it controls both the Xbox and the television--great for when we don't want to wait for the controller to come out of "sleep" mode!)
-Apple crisp mix and a bag of apples (because he's been craving apple cobbler FOREVER.)
-The Halo Encyclopedia.

(Not bad for a $100 spending limit, right? I shopping mostly online and was able to get some great deals on eBay especially!)

Here's what I got:

-Tea
-Toiletries (lip balm, lotion, shower gel, a toothbrush)
-Chinese Mary Janes (he gave these to me early because he didn't have anywhere to put them--I've been wearing them for about three days so far and I loove them!)
-A ton of different scented candles
-$60 in gift cards to Charlotte Russe
-$15 in gift cards to Starbucks
-A knitted sweater dress

My mom also gave us four lottery tickets a piece, but unfortunately we didn't win anything :(

What did you all get?? :D

Don't stay silent.

2010-12-23T23:51:00.003-05:00

(actual personalized post card I'm sending to my stylist, Sarah.)

I am learning as of late that I no longer believe in keeping things to myself. Life's too short to hold your tongue.
That being said, I'm not going to go up to someone and tell them to go jump off a bridge or anything of that nature. It's mostly good things I'm spreading.

By post.

The act of sending and receiving an actual physical letter, card or postcard has a psychological benefit that opening an email doesn't. I mean, just think of how many emails you get a day! I probably get at least 50. And in this technological world, a lot of times I'll open an email and not even remember to respond. Isn't that sad? But think of how sad you are to go to your physical mailbox everyday and to find it empty. Or even worse, to find it full of bills, and only bills. (Yep, that's what my mailbox looks like, too!)

I've been stocking up on postcards (I found 10 for a dollar at Job Lot!) and sending them out just because. My best friend helped me through a tough time over the telephone. She got a thank you post card. My stylist just gave me an amazing haircut. She's getting a postcard. And a number of months ago I even sent out a letter to a guy from my past, clearing up some...well, let's just say he was moving across the country and I decided things were better not left unsaid. (I didn't get a reply, so I'm assuming he thought things were better left unsaid. Which is okay too, but personally I feel better knowing I'm not living with secrets.)

I digress. My point is, getting postal mail feels good. It's this little jolt of ooh, someone was thinking of me! followed immediately by: wow, someone was thinking of me enough to actually put some effort in! This is a bit of my own pay-it-forward project. I'm sending out postcards when I see fit, and hopefully one day other people will send postcards too.

Let's give those lazy postal workers* something to do, people! :)

*I'm just kidding. I know a postal worker and he is far from lazy. But I do see the post becoming extinct one day. We already have UPS and FedEx for our packages, and most bills give you the option of "going paperless". So perhaps this should be our way of keeping it in business!

Do you send "just because" postal mail? If not, will you start?

Confessions:

2010-12-22T17:10:00.002-05:00

1. I am blogging from work. And I've been drinking. (It's okay, it was a holiday party!) My power cord to my laptop at home is dead, so you might not hear from me until Monday or Tuesday when my new one arrives.

2. I feel very guilty because I MISSED my window to mail out my giveaway! I meant to get it ot the lovely imfortyish before Christmas...but here it is the 22nd and it's STILL not been posted! Ugh! I apologize. (When I told my boss this, he responded with, "You know there's a post office in our building, right? Just downstairs?" I did NOT! Ugh!) I promise I will get it out soon. :(

3. I will have SUCH a backlog of Real*Love entries once I get my computer back!!! I already have about 10 links of adorable things I'm lusting over!

Other than this, I hope everyone has themselves a very merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate!) and gets everything they want!! I will update soon with my haul :)

Happy early Holidays!

2010-12-19T21:06:00.006-05:00

One of my long-distance best friends came home for the holidays this weekend. It was so great (and also a surprise! I only knew about it a couple of days in advance!) to see her, even for a short time.

We watched Christmas movies (sort of...we really just talked through them. But what else would you expect from girls who never get to see each other?), had some dinner...I had some Riesling by the fire...(and did I mention I've become a total lightweight? Only two glasses and I was feeling it!)
And we played Cash Cab with her family. (It's terribly dumbed-down! We only got one answer wrong and that was due mainly to Katie's misplaced confidence, and the confusing of the words "China" and "Japan"...all the while myself and her brother were whispering, "Katie, wait, isn't it Japan?" But she was just SO confident that we went with her gut reaction!)

We followed the evening up with a trip to a nearby cul-de-sac that puts on a light show/Christmas village type thing. It's totally cute (and free!) and is becoming somewhat of a tradition for Katie and I. Next time I'll have to bring my actual camera, as my cell phone failed at getting any decent shots.

So, now I'm ready for Christmas! This little pre-Christmas weekend totally got me in the mood. Bring it on!!!

Giveaway result!!!

2010-12-17T20:39:00.004-05:00

I used the random number generator at random.org and the winner is...

entry number one, imfortyish!

Congrats! You can shoot me an email with your address to ARTWonderland [at] gmail [dot] com, and I'll get the pretty dress out in the mail to you tomorrow! :)

Everyone else, stay tuned. I have another Korean article of clothing to give away, but I think I'll wait until the end of January for that one. :)

My first GIVEAWAY!

2010-12-11T17:29:00.003-05:00

Hi everyone!

With Christmas coming up, it's the perfect time to hold my first ever giveaway.

You see, I am completely in love with Korean fashion. Their dresses are just about the cutest thing ever. BUT, I am blessed with two things most Korean girls must not be: boobs and hips.

Because of these, I find it difficult to wear most of the Korean styles I lust over and buy on eBay.

What I have to offer you right now is a chiffon dress from the Korean clothing company MisoMiso:
(The one I am giving away is black, not pink. I couldn't find a photo of the black version.)

It is a size large and still has the tags on. I've only tried it on once, and that was enough for me to realize it just wouldn't work on my body type. I recommend it to someone who is pretty small up top (I'm a 36B, for reference) and hip-wise. (Not sure the exact measure of my hips, but I wear a size 10 or 11 jeans.)

So if you're smaller than I am, you are in luck.

To enter this contest, there are two steps:

1. Like me on Facebook. (The link is here, or you could click the widget that's on the upper right on my front page.)

2. Leave me a comment and let me know you've "liked" me, and that you want to be entered!

I will pick a winner on Friday the 17th and mail out the dress on Friday the 18th, so you should hopefully get it for Christmas!

Good luck!

Find me on Facebook!

2010-12-08T21:25:00.002-05:00

For those of you who use an RSS feed or a Google reader, this is just a heads up that I've created a Facebook page for this blog/me!

If you want to "like" me (and please do, because it currently says that zero people like me...which is not fun for my self esteem!) just visit my blog and click the "like" button. It's near the upper right hand corner.

I'll update that Facebook page whenever I have something to say that might not quite be blog-worthy.

See you there!

Ugh.

2010-12-07T13:12:00.003-05:00

Not even halfway through the week yet and I am struggling with the first real cold I've had all year.

It's not awful, except some of the side effects are ridiculous. I have what I can only assume is a swollen lymph node (I've never had one before) and it's almost completely deformed the left side of my face. I swear to god, I'm afraid this will never go away and I'll be left looking like the elephant man forever.
(This photo may appear entirely normal, but my jaw is NOT normally that round--that's where the swelling is. Ick.)

Other than that, I'm not coughing or sneezing or anything of that nature. I go from feeling okay (from when I first wake up until about 11:00 AM) to feeling like death warmed over. Currently, I'm on my lunch break and cannot decide if I'm going to pass out or hurl.

Yesterday my face was all flushed and I was alternatively cold and hot, so I took my temperature--a perfect 98.6. Weird.

This wouldn't matter to me if I wasn't so goddamned busy. I have a transcription file that I tried to get through last night but wasn't able to. I'm trying to do it on my lunch break but it's too damn loud in this cafeteria. I also have a writing group meeting tonight, so I'll be going straight there from work. Then, I'll hurry home (and be home for 9:30 PM!) to finish this transcription file.

Logically, I should probably go home and get some extra sleep right now. But I won't. I can't miss any more work (I'm out of sick/vacation time.) and this writing group is a luxury--we only meet once a month and I always look forward to it. There's no way I can miss it.

So I will push on. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off. I hope I can sleep off this sickness!

A late addition to my christmas list...

2010-12-05T21:34:00.001-05:00

Pierce Brosnan in Playgirl? Ummm...yes, please.

Really, Coco?

2010-12-02T17:46:00.002-05:00

"A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future." -Coco Chanel

Although in most instances I think Coco was a genius, I really do have to disagree with this. I used to wear perfume religiously--every day. Wouldn't leave the house without a spritz or two.

But when I started reading all about the dangers of perfume, my interest in the stuff started waning. I do still have a bottle kicking around here somewhere--but I use it only for a special occasions or if I haven't been able to squeeze in a shower and maybe feel a bit self conscious. (Hey, it happens to the best of us. Don't judge me.)

Plus, quite frankly most of the women I pass who wear perfume wear far, far too much of it. And it doesn't smell good! It's suffocating and just...gross. Really. I don't see how that's the sign of having a future--unless these stinky women just keep getting promoted and promoted so that no one has to smell them all day.

RealLove

2010-12-02T15:00:00.000-05:00

Household Edition!

1. To say that I hate to do dishes is an understatement. Old soggy food, gross dishwater and wrinkly hands--complete with a ruined manicure? No, thank you. BUT, I might reconsider if I had a pair of these super cute dish gloves. This site here has SO many different options that I could never pick just one pair! I may eventually get one...just in case. Rubber gloves always come in handy, right?
2. How much do you spend on your toothbrush? The last time I went to CVS, I was shocked at the prices. What happened to 99 cents? Luckily I have found an awesome solution. The Preserve toothbrush costs as little as $2.99--but here's the really great part. It's not only made from recycled yogurt cups (and comes with an envelope so that you can mail it back to the company for recycling!) but they also have a "toothbrush subscription program" so that you'll get a new toothbrush mailed to you when it's time to recycle your old one. (Dentists recommend replacing your toothbrush every 3 months, after a cold or flu, or when the bristles show signs of wear.) When's the last time you replaced your brush? I know it's been way too long in my case. I can't wait to get my Preserve Toothbrush in the mail!
3. This super cute countertop dishwasher would be a pretty good addition to any tiny apartment that can't fit a normal dishwasher for whatever reason. Apparently it can fit a good amount of dishes, too--perfect for someone living alone or a couple.4. This is by far my favorite invention. For the price of one washer and one dryer, you can buy this LG Washer/Dryer Combo. The best parts? It doesn't need an external vent--so it's great for small apartments. The really big bonus as far as I'm concerned is the fact that you put in your laundry and soap and just leave it. When you come back not only is your laundry washed, it's also DRIED. The only thing better would be if a machine folded my laundry and hung it up for me too! Seriously, I want one of these pretty bad. It beats lugging shit to the laundry room (with machines that never quite dry fully) or across the street to the laundromat (which can get pricey!)

So. Freaking. EXCITED!

2010-12-01T12:16:00.004-05:00

I just have to share this with someone. I have that crazy excitement that just can't be contained!

As you all may know, I love, love, love Bright Eyes.

I was also severely bummed out about six months ago when I searched for tour dates and came up with nothing. I realized it had been years since they toured, and all the documentation I could find made it sound like they had broken up.

I was so upset. I wanted so badly to see them in concert, but it was just my luck that they would have stopped performing.

...guess who has a ticket to see Bright Eyes in ORCHESTRA seats at the RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL?!

That's right! I do!

For their LAST WORLD TOUR before they break up forever.

I'm so freaking excited (obviously) and the concert is in Radio City Music Hall, which I love (due to watching the original Annie over and over as a child!) but have never been inside!

Now I cannot wait for March! Fun fact: I haven't been to a concert since 2006! That'll be FIVE years! Much too long.

Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

2010-11-29T21:01:00.004-05:00

Or: not everyone will always like you.

As some of you might know, in addition to all my other spread-myself-too-thin hobbies, I am constantly writing and submitting my work for publishing.

Usually, I get a standard form rejection letter that looks a little bit like this:

Alison, Thank you for your fiction submission to [magazine title]. Regretfully, we must pass but all the best with it.

Today, I got my very first personal rejection letter. At first, I was excited. Personal letters are rare, but valuable.

But then I saw what they had to say:

The first sentence doesn't need to be there. Make sure the message is stated without actually stating it.

Okay, that's fine. I actually had debated that myself and decided to leave it in. In the future, I'll remove it. Easy.

I'm afraid this piece came off entirely too preachy. There really isn't any character progression or personal change. Nothing that happens with the characters affects any change in any form. The only change or progress is a single blade of grass that the characters have nothing to do with bringing about.

Hmm. I didn't intend for there to be any character progression or personal change, so...I guess that's okay. But the blade of grass is a sign that even in the bleakest of times, things can get better. I need to work on getting that point across I suppose.

I'm all for environmental care and stories that encourage responsibility in our world, but this one is not well done. It is more of a diatribe than a story.

Eeek, "not well done". And I'll admit I had to look up "diatribe", but here it is:

di·a·tribe/ˈdīəˌtrīb/

Noun: A forceful and bitter verbal attack against someone or something.

Err...okay, so maybe I came off kind of strong? I guess?

But here's the worst:

The story is a heavy lecture of the evils of our cancer-causing world. No attempt to even veil the message. Granny dies of cancer from our dirty world and wanton, wasteful ways. Sentimental, preachy, awful.

Awful! Really? Awful?

I'm too close to this, maybe. My grandmother DID die of cancer, so I may be rightfully sentimental...but who knows what really caused it? I'm making assumptions here that we're killing our planet. And no, I didn't make any attempt to veil the message...because the message was the point.

Argh. To be fair, I wrote this piece in 2000, and haven't really given it much of a second look since then. My creative writing teacher at the time suggested that I submit it, and ten years later I remembered that and tried to submit it.

I'm not dismissing what they had to say by any means...but I have a feeling that maybe these people aren't very green!

I'm not sure if I can save this story, but I'll try, I suppose. It's a little disturbing that I can write and re-read a story so many times, but not even realize I'm being preachy and bitter. I think I may need an editor!

(image credit)

Productivity, begin!

2010-11-23T23:59:00.002-05:00

It's only midnight (so technically it's day one of my 5 day weekend) and I've already successfully emptied my clogged inbox and read everything that had backed up in my google reader.

Off to an awesome start, if I do say so myself! Hopefully I can keep it up! :)

RealLove

2010-11-23T20:59:00.006-05:00

1. I was really excited to see the new Dr. Who-as-John Lennon TV movie...but then I read this article and suddenly had no desire to see it anymore. But still. I love John, and unlike most people I'm pretty sure I love Yoko too. She was a self-made woman long before it was proper for a woman to be such--and instead of being recognized for it, she was put through hell for "breaking up the Beatles", simply because she wasn't afraid to use her voice. And if you love John, but hate Yoko...I mean, John loved the shit out of that woman. You really have to at least respect that. (photo from theexaminer.com)
2. I LOVE this super cool Tim Burton-ish umbrella. The curvy shape is just too cute and feminine. If I went to the beach a lot (think Sweeney Todd) I would take this with me pretty much every time.
3. Serena Williams wristlet. I was originally in love with this in a pretty mustard color (it might sound weird, but it worked. I'm obsessed with mustard fabrics lately!) but it sold out. I guess I wasn't the only one who appreciated it! I've learned to sew rosettes so hopefully I can make one of my own soon.
4. Staring at Stars Paperbag Skirt. I love that this skirt walks a fine line between looking cool and looking like a gross old couch. It's definitely falling on the cool side, but it had better watch itself. Paired with the wrong cardigan and it's all downhill from there!5. HAWKS by Geren Ford Lace Tux Dress. I love both the color and the bib front on this dress. (Bibs are the next thing I need to learn how to sew, but I've had zero luck finding a tutorial that isn't for an *infant* bib.)

I've been drooling over just about everything at urbanoutfitters.com for days now. I could show you everything I really liked but we'd be here all day.

When censoring goes too far.

2010-11-21T14:07:00.007-05:00

Everyone, meet Alan Cumming. He's an actor. Quite talented, in my opinion. Odds are, you've probably seen him in something. He keeps very busy and has a large body of work!

Now, since I am a huge fan of Victor Garber (seriously, get a load of this smile and tell me he doesn't look like he's the nicest guy in the world! Love him!)......about a year ago I purchased Disney's Annie...even though I much prefer the original. Today, I tried to sell the DVD on eBay...and here's what I ran into while posting the auction:They CENSORED Alan's last name! And sure, I realize that in a different context it's a "dirty" word, but come on now! I really wonder if Alan knows about this and if it's negatively affected his career.

I just tried searching for any items with his name in them on eBay and proper auctions DID come up with his name uncensored, so now I'm a little confused. But still thought it was worth mentioning.

(image credit imdb and my own eBay screencap, respectively.)